10 worst Valentine’s Day gifts

Real-life stories of pitiful presents
The old adage says ‘it’s the thought that counts’. Sometimes, that rings true. Sometimes, as these tales of woe show, it doesn’t…

Roses are…Oh.
‘A week before Valentine’s Day, I had a tricky break-up, so on the day, when 13 disease-ridden white roses were delivered from my ex, I was horrified! He quickly explained the 13 was to represent our 13 months together- not some freaky horror film number, and that the flower company obviously had ‘a batch of sub-standard flowers’. I wasn’t convinced…’
Lauren, 26

Teething problems
‘I was out for a meal with my girlfriend on Valentine’s Day, when suddenly the girl on the table next to us burst into tears. In front of her, in all its horrific glory, lay an electric toothbrush her date had just given her. He hadn’t even wrapped it up! Luckily, it made my efforts look much better…’
Dean, 29

I got fleeced
‘Last year, my man bought me a lilac fleece dressing gown and some navy fleece granny slippers, because I’d said I was cold the day before! Not only am I only 27- and not quite ‘fleece dressing gown’ age- it also shows he’d left it right until last minute!’
Imogen, 27

Time to go
‘I’d been going out with my boyfriend for a few months when Valentine’s Day rolled around. I was really excited when he produced a small box, figuring it must be jewellery. Turned out, it was an alarm clock. Seeing my face drop, he tried ‘selling’ it, demonstrating how it flashed different colours and telling me he’d spent ages trying to find the ‘right’ present. Unsurprisingly, we broke up a week later.’
Sarah, 24

Take a hike
‘My former flatmate once received a brown thermos flask. To my knowledge, she’d never once been hiking or camping, or had ever even expressed a desire to do so. The boyfriend wasn’t in the picture much longer, but ironically, she did use the flask to take soup to work.’
Aimee, 34

Bean and gone
‘My ex-girlfriend texted me all Valentine’s Day promising she’d be cooking ‘my favourite meal.’ I was so excited- until I got home and saw beans on toast on the table. Just because I eat it all the time, doesn’t mean it’s my favourite! She then put on a CD of ‘our song’. I’d never heard it before…’
Jack, 28

I’d been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and my hopes were high for our first Valentine’s Day together. He lived up to expectations, taking me to a roof-top restaurant with champagne, oysters, the lot. Then we got the bill. ‘Oh, I’ve forgotten my wallet,’ he whimpered.’
Sara, 30

In a lather
‘Like a lot of men, I often used a bit of my girlfriend’s shampoo when I stayed at her house. She never said anything, so I assumed she didn’t mind. But on Valentine’s Day last year, she handed me a £10 voucher for Boots. Point taken.’
Jonny, 32

Work it
‘My partner was working late on Valentine’s Day which I was annoyed enough about. But then he arrived home with a sellotaped-up plastic bag. He already looked sheepish, but then I opened it to find a pen and a lanyard with his company logo on it…’
Dawn, 22

Hat’s off
‘There’s no denying I’m a really girl who loves her pampering and luxury. Last year, my boyfriend of six years- ie: he should know me by now!- presented a box of bath salts that turned the water luminous yellow and a beanie hat of his favourite football team. Erm…’
Asher, 27