1. You’re sent Outlook meeting requests to organise your next date, followed up with urgent reminders until you respond.
2. They tell you they’ve been for a quick drink with friends after work but then sheepishly admit to working late.
3. When you say it’s time to buy a new piece of art for the living room, they suggest getting a water cooler instead.
4. You get a phone call so you can ‘touch base’.
5. They call you ‘boss’ when being affectionate.
6. They sign off emails to you with ‘warmest regards’.
7. Their idea of a romantic night in is a candlelit dinner on the office desk.
8. For an impromptu mini-break, you go paint-balling on the corporate team-building event.
9. Your dates are referred to as ‘away days’.
10. The stash of magazines hidden under the bed are copies of Middle Management Weekly.
11. The wallpaper on their phone is a photo of the office.
12. The room you earmarked for the nursery is turned into a study.
13. On your anniversary when you ask what the date is, with a grin they say: ‘It’s our quarterly results day!’.
14. Phone conversations between you involve a third person so it can be turned into a conference call.
15. You ask for a handbag for your birthday. You get a laptop bag.
16. They suggests meeting up for a chat about your relationship and there’s a woman from human resources in the coffee shop taking notes.
17. When you suggest a game of footsie under the table, they get down on the carpet and starts studying the stock exchange.
18. At the end of the night you are coyly asked if you want to retire to the ‘boardroom’.
19. After doing the deed a ‘mandatory rest period’ is requested.
20. Refusal to kiss you in public for fear of breaching health and safety rules.
21. You ask if they want anything from the supermarket and you’re given a shopping list via a Powerpoint presentation.
22. He keeps asking you to do the ‘sexy secretary’ look.
23. Your wedding ring is pawned to buy a new laptop.
24. He wears a suit for a romantic picnic in the park.
25. When jotting down a list of potential holiday destinations you hear the phrase ‘yeah, let’s enhance a collaborative supply-chain.’