Navigating the Christian Dating Culture is like a maze. Your 4-year relationship may not have progressed to engagement, and having served 10 years in the same church, the thought of pursuing another woman in the same circle emanates a Noah’s Ark-scale of awkwardness.
I’m guessing you are intending to marry ONE person in your entire life on Earth, so that immediately subtracts EVERYONE ELSE whom you will meet, see, develop a crush on, date and NOT MARRY.
So rejection is inevitable. You will either be the rejected or do the rejecting yourself while single. So here it is!
5 Tips ON Handling Rejection Well for Christians
- WE HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT REJECTION IS AN INEVITABLE PART OF LIFE.
Assuming we agree that friendship is the best foundation for a relationship, trying to avoid rejection is just plain impossible, unless you don’t mind settling for a surface-level, shallow relationship where you are constantly bending your identity to suit the other person’s needs.
You might be worried that your biological clock is ticking, but I’d rather marry my best friend having spent 10 years gradually falling in love than rush into something driven by fear.
Rejection is the risk we take if we are seriously looking for just ONE person to commit the rest of our lives to.
- DEAL WITH YOUR EMOTIONS PRIVATELY AND FOR A SEASON
Rejection is so painful, because while you are building memories with this special love interest, it all becomes a fancy-movie-montage of happy associations inside your mind.
Now that this person has rejected you, you have to uproot what was becoming a huge flourishing organism!
So what do we do? We allow the wealth of our emotions to spend us. Go to your room and cry. Go to a green field with nobody on it, and cry. Go to the beach and climb to the peak of the rock cliff and cry. Bring your journal, pen and write out everything you are feeling, and let your teardrops stain the ink of your words while you write furiously and cry.
Talk to a friend whom you trust and cry to them.
- BE HONEST WITH GOD ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL.
It takes time to properly get over someone. So be kind to yourself. Allow the mourning season to come and pass.
Don’t pretend you’re not in it if you are. You’ll just delay the process even longer, and hinder intimacy with God. Let Him minister to you and comfort you. On the contrary, He wants to help you overcome this pain. So don’t stay there and wallow. You were called to conquer!
Emotionally unhealthy people repress. They ‘bottle things up’ by not talking about stuff immediately, then they act like everything is normal. This may be necessary in a work context, or with people you don’t trust, but the mask needs to come off at the end of the day so you can breathe.
- CONSUME AS MUCH PERSPECTIVE AS POSSIBLE.
Allow the experience to shape you to become more resilient.
Do you love, value and truly know yourself in the way God sees you? Then they probably weren’t meant for you anyway.
Think about your best friends. Did you use techniques, tips and tricks to hook them in? Did you have to use pick-up lines when you first met them? Did you wait by your phone obsessed with the next time they would text you?
Did you have to convince them to stay in a friendship with you?
If you have a loyal wolf/wolfette pack around you, there’s no reason for you to deem yourself unworthy of a committed romantic relationship. Remind yourself of your worth!
- KEEP CREATING AN EXCITING LIFE
Creating genuine thrill and excitement about your own life, above finding a partner, will free you from scarcity mindset, which will make the sting of rejection easier to deal with.
Let’s face it. It’s going to happen again and again, and again. It’s just how the journey goes while we grow in wisdom and Christlikeness. But you’re going to get stronger and more in love with who God is shaping you to be.
See it as an opportunity to fine-tune your character and identity. You may think that previous-love was super compatible with you, but truthfully, there are many other ‘perfect-fits’. Fabulous suitors are a dime a dozen.
So allow yourself time. Gain perspective and process it in your mind, so your head wraps around new truths which will add to your arsenal to overcome potential heartbreak. Or, you’ll just get smarter about what you want and how to go about it.
‘Jessica Santosa is a young and current Poet & Personal Development Blogger in the community, for more related content and advice be sure to visit her site www.jessica-santosa.com‘