We all have bad habits — whether it’s a small thing like biting our nails or always being late or a big thing like constantly shopping when we don’t have the money or smoking a pack a day.
There are also things in dating a lot of us shouldn’t do, and with Lent just starting, I figured I’d take you through some of the ones you might want to consider giving up for the next 40 days… or longer.
Being Too Picky About Finding Your “Type”
Looking for specific qualities in a date or partner is, of course, important because that’s how you determine who’s right for you and who’s not. However, some qualities are surface-level, while others are actual deal-breakers. Does he really need to love horror movies as much as you do, or does she really need to like dogs instead of cats? Probably not. Try not to get sucked into having a “type” because, when it comes down to it, you never really know who you’ll hit it off with.
Not Trying Online Dating Because You Think It’s Desperate
Hey, I’ll admit I used to be one of these people, but it’s 2017 — the internet is my life (and probably yours, too). There is no better way to meet people than getting online and putting yourself out there. You’ve got millions of awesome people and thousands of great sites to choose from. Also, numerous studies have shown that thousands of married men and women found their ideal match online, and that number is only going to grow. If you’re still on the fence about it, have a friend join a dating site with you so it doesn’t seem so intimidating. Group dating apps are becoming more popular, and they make it super easy to break the ice with someone you’re attracted to
Never Making the First Move
This bad habit is more directed at women, but plenty of men avoid making the first move as well. Silly dating rules people used to follow (like women not asking men out or men waiting three days before calling and texting after a date) don’t really make sense anymore. Authenticity and realness is what singles really want these days, so if you like someone, ask them out!. If you want to tell them you had a wonderful time on the date, do it. You’ll feel even more confident once you take some of the power in your hands.
Focusing on the Negative
I’m definitely someone who looks at my flaws more often than my strengths, and I’m not the only one who does this. It’s also a trait that can make you look at the flaws instead of the strengths in everyone else around you. Instead of obsessing over the fact that he chews with his mouth open or that she tends to ramble — focus on the fact that he brought you to your favorite restaurant or she gets excited when talking to you. Keep it positive!
Neglecting Your Friends & Family for Your Date
When we finally find someone we click with, it’s common to think about them, talk about them, and hang out with them all the time, but don’t forget about the other important people in your life. If you two have gotten into the habit of seeing each other every day, cut back a little (maybe every two days or so), and use that extra free time to reconnect with your friends and family. Also, try not to be on your phone texting your new boo while you’re with them. Not only is it rude, but you want a total disconnect from him or her for at least a few hours.
Texting or Going Back to Your Exes
A lot of us have been in this situation. Either we just got out of a relationship and the feelings are still lingering, or we’ve been single for a long time, are hating it, and start to wonder what old so-and-so is up to. Usually, alcohol is involved as well, which makes it easier to reach for that phone. Remember, there’s a reason they’re your ex, and it’s probably not a good reason. Being single means you have a fresh start every day, and that’s exciting. You get to feel butterflies and have all those firsts again, so leave the past in the past.
Bad habits can be addictive because it takes no effort to start them and fall back into them. For this Lent, set a goal for yourself to give up at least one of the bad habits above or any other ones you can think of. Your body, mind, and soul will thank you for it! Then maybe next time we can work on your tardiness and nail-biting.
Hayley Matthews is editor-in-chief at DatingAdvice.com, a well-known site showcasing advice articles, how-to guides, and studies from over 250 experts, including dating and relationship coaches, matchmakers, and psychologists. In addition, the site posts reviews of the top dating sites, and Hayley and her team rank Match.com as the #1 dating site review. When Hayley isn’t writing about dating and relationships, she’s listening to The Beatles or watching Harry Potter.