If you’re in the market for finding that special someone, but true love seems to constantly elude you, there are several reasons why you might not be attracting Mr Right.
From low self-esteem through to too high expectations, women in particular are experts when it comes to jeopardising potential relationships before they’ve even had a chance to get off the ground. The good news is that there is something you can do about it…
You’re not trying
You may enjoy spending every evening at home in front of the telly, but if that’s the case you have no grounds for complaints about not having a boyfriend. Funnily enough, Mr Perfect isn’t hiding under your bed waiting for the right time to sweep you off your comfy slipper-clad feet. If you want to find him, you’re going to have to put yourself out there. Yes, that means getting up off the sofa and socialising. The occasional night in watching the box is fine, just as long as you’re making the most of your social network and mingling as much as possible the rest of the time.
You’re too fussy
Happily married author of romantic fiction Jenny Colgan has some expert insight for those of you with a long and detailed checklist against which every potential lover must be measured. “Great long-term relationships aren’t made from interests in common, political allegiance, shared belief systems or hobbies. They’re made from people being thoughtful about one another. Emptying the dishwasher. Listening to their day. Saying please and thank you. Treating them as you would anyone you really liked and admired. It’s easier to say ‘I’d walk over broken glass for you’ than it is to take the bins out every night.” So ditch the checklist and start dating with an open-mind.
You’re too busy to date
If you’re serious about finding love, you have to stop hiding behind excuses like ‘I’ haven’t got time to date.” Or “I’m too busy with work.” Is your job really so time-consuming that you genuinely can’t spare the time to go out for a quick drink with someone new? It sounds more like you may be using your super-hectic lifestyle as a buffer to avoid potential intimacies. Slow down and make time for dating instead of using work as the reason not to face your fear of dating.
You’re a pessimist
It may sound harsh, but you shouldn’t be dating at all if you’re just going through the motions with a negative “I’ll never meet anyone” attitude. So you’ve had a few bad dates, and faced rejection. It’s all part of the ups and downs of dating and you need to be strong enough to brush it off and not become disillusioned. Take a more positive approach to meeting new people. After all, if you don’t believe there’s someone out there for you, you’re never going to find him.
You’re trying too hard
Being too invested in finding the ‘one’ is a common mistake among women. Devoting all your time and energy to your true love search may seem like a project worthy of your full attention, but you could come off looking desperate. And being overly keen to get coupled-up may also lead you to settling for less than you deserve. Keep up with other interests, see friends, pursue hobbies and get involved with things because you genuinely get something out of them not just because you think they’re the path to finding true love.
If you surround yourself with a gaggle of girlfriends whenever you’re out, the man of your dreams is unlikely to fight his way through the crowd to ask you out. If you’re out on the pull, it’s better to go out in a smaller group of one or two friends so it’s easier for you to get noticed and approached. Similarly if you walk around with your headphones on, or always have your nose in a book, you’re unwittingly switching off potential avenues for being approached and asked out. Leave your iPod at home for a change, step out of your personal bubble and engage with the world around you. Make yourself more approachable by smiling at strangers, making eye-contact, and maybe even striking up a conversation.
You’re hung up on your ex
If you find yourself talking a lot about your previous relationship when you’re out on a date, it means you’re probably not ready to be dating yet. Ex-talk is never attractive to a potential partner and negative talk about former loves may end up showing you in a less than flattering light. Make yourself a rule never to bring up the subject of former partners and stick to it. Even if you’re asked about it, there’s always a way to brush the ex-talk aside.