The seven signs you may need to stand up for yourself
We’ve all been there, you’re waiting patiently at a bar then the person next along cuts in front of you – but instead of ranting, you simply bite your tongue and continue to wait. While in everyday life this may be okay – if very annoying – being a walkover in a relationship is not a good thing. Here are the signs you may want to stand your ground a bit more…
Your long to-do list
While your weekends with your partner are filled with checking out new restaurants and catching the latest films, you somehow still seem to find yourself with a list of things you want to see and do. This is a sure sign that your partner is calling all the shots. While it can be fun to give free reign and do activities of their choice, make sure it’s not a one way street and that you’re speaking up about what you want to do too.
Your time has never been so productive
If you feel like life has become increasingly chaotic, as you struggle to keep on top of doing the chores, organising holidays, calling the gas man and keeping on top of the bills, it may be time to wonder if your partner isn’t sharing the load. Even if you’re not living together and don’t take on the burden of ‘joint admin’, you may still be guilty of doing more than your fair share of organising dates, plans, friends’ birthday presents, and so on, and on and on…
Their friends love you… your friends barely know them
Hosting a bunch of your partner’s friends seems like a fun way to become closer to people they care about. Yet somehow, letting your partner then flake out on your mates always ends up being ‘no big deal’. Although getting along with your partner’s close-knit group is important, it’s equally important they value your own friendships and, even more so, your family. It isn’t only an indicator of how much they value you, but also how much you value yourself in the relationship.
Your relationship lacks confrontation
It’s not a hard and fast rule, but let’s face it, most couples argue. Confronting your partner is part of a very healthy relationship, letting you to communicate aspects you are unhappy with before they bubble out of control. Of course, if this arguing is constant, cruel or hurtful, it can be very destructive – but equally destructive is falling into the habit of biting your tongue and ‘letting things go’, while inside you are desperately hurting. At some point, this hurt will come out, either by making you miserable, or by breaking up the relationship entirely.
A shaky start
Everyone’s been through the awkward ‘are we/aren’t we/what are we’ phase with a new partner, and being a bit reluctant to be the first one to say ‘we are’ is nothing more than normal human fear. However, if your potential partner relentlessly refuses to put a label on things, it not only shows their lack of ability to commit, it also shows your glaring potential to be treated as a walkover from then on.
Testing your ability to forgive
Everybody makes mistakes – be it messing up the colours in the wash, or a slightly more serious matter – and an ability to forgive is normally a very lovely character trait. But if your ‘forgive and forget’ quota is being used up a bit too quickly, this suggests your partner takes little consideration for your feelings or how you may react, simply assuming you’ll ‘be ok with it’. So do carry on not ‘sweating the small stuff’, but with the big stuff – speak up.
The green eyed monster
Seeing your partner as desirable to others can seem like an obvious and flattering part of your relationship. But their response to someone showing interest in them can be a big test. If they joke about it, tease you for being a bit jealous, then reassure you it means nothing, that is fine. But if they make you feel ashamed, and seem to encourage extra attention from others, that is not fine, and could be more telling of you being a walkover than this extra party being in the wrong.