You think you might have found the partner of your dreams but there are things you know about their previous relationships that irk you. As long your relationship’s going swimmingly it shouldn’t matter, right? Not always. Here’s what to forgive and what to flag up.
Tricky. This all comes down to context. Cheating is generally a sign of someone who is not happy in a relationship but too cowardly to end it. If they faltered once in a previous relationship and it brought an end to the relationship or significant changes were made to make sure it doesn’t happen again, it’s worth you giving it a go. Plus the fact that they told you is a positive sign because they’re not trying to hide anything from you. But if you suspect that they’re a repeat offender – ie. they just can’t help themselves at the sight of an attractive guy or gal – then it’s a very different picture. We say run a mile.
They’ve never had a long term relationship
If you’re dating someone who’s had a string of short term flings, then you’re wise to question why. Do they get bored quickly? Are they afraid of commitment? If you’re just in for a bit of fun, then it could be a match made in heaven. But if you’re looking for something more serious then tread carefully and make sure you’re after the same thing before getting in too deep.
They’ve just come out of a long term relationship
It’s not a dumpable offence, in fact it’s not even an offence, but you have to put yourself first in a situation like this. If you’re dating someone who has only just come out of a long term relationship then alarm bells of the rebound variety are probably ringing all over the place and you’d be right to be cautious. If they still seem angry or hurt then you’re best to steer clear, they need to be at peace with it before you can even begin to.
They’ve had an adventurous past
Sexual deviancy, spontaneous lunacy and hedonistic partying, they’ve done it all. They entertain you with stories about waking up in shopping trolleys miles from home and getting experimental with friends on holiday. They’re the life and soul of the party but they’re not necessarily relationship material. Is this just a misspent youth or will they always be a bit bonkers? Look for signs of change; this is your ticket to future sanity.
They’ve done a lot of gimmicky dating
Speed dating? Check. Salsa for singles? Check. Bingo for the broken hearted? Check. They’ve been online, offline, set up and gone blind…dating that is. So, are they desperate or just choosy? Put it this way, at least they’re driven. The fact is none of this is should matter to you if you like them, so forgive them their past and be happy that you’re going out with a go-getter.
They have kids
Contrary to popular belief, it is possible go out with someone with kids and not have to consider your impending step-parenthood by the second date. There are just a few more things to think about – most importantly whether you like children. If things go well with your new partner then you might be expected to make the odd trip with the kids to the park or to the cinema to see the latest Pixar. Breaking out in a cold sweat? You’re probably better off finding someone else!
They dated your friend
This is more than a little awkward. Not only does this make things tricky with you and your friend, but you probably know more about your date than you’d necessarily want to at this early stage. Prior knowledge is great for things like knowing that they can’t eat shellfish when you’re cooking for them, but you don’t really need to know what they’re like in the bedroom, and you probably do. Then there’s the minefield of jealousy and insecurity for you and your friend. In short, there’s a lot to tackle, so you’d want to be sure they’re worth it.
All their exes are very attractive
You know this because you went online to have a snoop and you wish you hadn’t because it’s made you feel too fat/thin/pale/short/lanky (delete as appropriate). So your date goes for the beautiful type and you feel threatened by this but actually, you should be taking it as a huge compliment. Whether or not you think you’re god’s gift is irrelevant, your new date obviously does if their past is anything to go by.