Dating can be full of uncertainties – that is part of what makes it fun. But for many people the complexities of dating can become overwhelming. In some cases a cycle of thinking starts to unravel potential relationships before they have even begun. Here are some ways you can alter your own thinking to improve your chances of finding long-term love.
Needing all the information straight away
Try to be comfortable with uncertainty – at least at first. While life issues like settling down and having children will be important to both of you, interrogating your partner on the first date is a sure way to make them feel uncomfortable. Think of the first time you meet as simply an opportunity to relax and enjoy some time with a person you may have a connection with.
While you might feel that any person who does not have the same goals in life as you will not make a good partner, you do need to wait a while before broaching the big subjects, or the spark between you might disappear under all the pressure.
Dwelling on the past
Everyone has a past and sharing snippets of your life can be a fun way to get to know one another. But when it comes to past relationships, it is wise to keep any information light and breezy when dating, and to keep the deep and emotional discussions for friends or therapists.
Talking about an ex too much can backfire in a number of ways. If it comes across that they were the love of your life, your new partner may feel intimidated by this or get the idea that you are not really ready to move on. If the story is less rosy, however, and ended in tears, this is also not a particularly attractive idea for your new partner, who may then fear your relationship could end in the same way.Try to focus on other kinds of memories from your personal history, or talk about what you hope to do in the future, and keep information about exes to a minimum.
Ignoring problems or obsessing over details
These are two sides of the same coin, and are both a common trap for people to fall into when dating. Sometimes, a red flag will appear which inside you know is an insurmountable obstacle. For example, if your dating partner shows patterns of violence or disrespect to you or the people around them, these are good reasons to terminate a relationship, and failing to do so can lead to serious issues later on.
On the other end of the scale many people, particularly those with strict criteria about who they ‘should’ be dating, can end up obsessing over the smallest detail and ending relationships unnecessarily as a result. Worrying about imperfections in your date, in fact worrying over small details at all when dating, is a classic passion killer. If you know yourself to be a worrier, or to dismiss people too easily, calming down and letting go of those small anxieties will be an important step towards finding love.