Cold as ice

The weather outside is getting colder – so here’s how to tell if you might be an ice-queen or king when you’re dating, and how you can thaw things out…

You never send the first text
There’s no denying it hard to be the first one to contact someone you fancy. First of all; how do you word it, second of all; can you really face the agonising, jumpy wait for the reply. But while it may simply be nerves making you wait for your date to take the ‘first text/ call’ plunge, remember they don’t know that – they’ll think it’s you being disinterested and lazy. So, scary though it might be, brace yourself and get tapping.

You never talk about yourself
Sure, there is nothing worse than going on a date with someone who endlessly drones on about them, themselves and, oh, them again. And for this reason, you ensure you keep ‘me’ chat to a minimum, instead constantly asking your date questions about their life, their interests, their friends – and as soon as they ask about you, you (you think) politely swerve the conversation back to them again. While you may have the best intentions, sadly this will just end up with you looking like you never give anything away and don’t care enough about them to share details of your life. So try to relax and don’t be afraid to open up a bit.

You pretend to like anything and everything trendy
Everyone likes to impress on the first few dates, that’s entirely understandable and entirely normal. But do you find that in your eagerness for approval, you aren’t quite honest? Do you answer every ‘what do you like?’ question with whatever happens to be ‘cool’? Of course, some people will find this alluring, but most people will find it a little vapid and impersonal. There’s nothing wrong with admitting you like something un-hip, it shows you can think for yourself and you’re not some kind of ‘trend’ robot.

You never talk about your past
The topic of exes is not an ideal one for a first or second date, but at some point, a mention will probably naturally arise – ‘Oh yes, we went there on holiday once’, or ‘Yes, I know that band, my ex loved them’. Don’t push it, you don’t want it to sound like you’re still obsessed with the last person you dated, but at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with showing that you had a past. It shows you are open to loving someone, and – perhaps more importantly – are open to being loved.

You avoid any PDAs
No one wants an early date with someone who has wandering hands or uncomfortable personal space issues. At the same time though, no one wants a date with someone who recoils at the slightest human touch. No, you don’t want to come across as ‘easy’, and no, it’s fine not to want someone you don’t really know all over you. But yes, if you never even slightly go near them – be it a light brush of the arm when you laugh, or a friendly embrace when you meet – then there’s no doubt alarm bells with ring in their slightly offended ears.

You always split the bill
The ever-debated dating dilemma – who should pay the bill. We understand there are strong arguments on both sides; women’s rights dictate it should be split, but traditional courtesy dictates the man should pay. With no obvious right or wrong, it therefore seems there is only one answer; split the bill in half. This does work well in most scenarios, but sometimes, don’t you think it might be nice if a date was simply someone’s treat? No sexism about it, it can be the man or the woman saying ‘No, let me pay’. Then it can also be the man or the woman saying: ‘Yes, thanks, that would be lovely’. If this happens once in a while, it doesn’t mean you’re losing your independence or being needy, it simply means you’re being open to warmth and kindness – which can only be a good impression to leave on a date, yes?