Dating lesson #3 – Don’t let your dating demons hold you back

Things are going well with the guy I’m seeing; it’s Luke from Match, and we’ve been going strong for a couple of months. He’s asked me on a minibreak and we’ve booked a lovely B&B in Sussex for a couple of nights. It’s really exciting and a sign that things are going well.

But, as our weekend away approaches, I’m increasingly getting moments of blind panic. At first I didn’t understand it – Luke and I have spent two nights together before, why would it be any different just because we are away. In fact, it should be more exciting. And then it comes to me – I’m worried about history repeating. I’m letting my dating demons hold me back.

The last minibreak I went on with a previous boyfriend was disastrous, and, after two nights stuck in a field together, we basically came to the conclusion that we didn’t really like each other. Our trip back to London was spent in miserable silence. I fell asleep and he kept pushing me off his shoulder. I was unceremoniously dumped the next day.

I’m not the only one to let my dating history cloud my judgment about new relationships. Plagued by the dating demons of her past, a close friend is finding it impossible to trust men, even the nice guys, having been emotionally messed around so many times. Someone else I know is paranoid of getting too close to anyone, having been described as ‘clingy’ by a particularly nasty boyfriend (who was only saying it to throw her off the scent of his cheating anyway).

But this is destructive thinking, and feeling insecure about what happened in my previous relationship will not in any way help me on my minibreak with Luke. In fact, it is currently stopping me from even looking forward to it.

So I’m relinquishing my demons and treating my upcoming minibreak as a brand new experience. Occasionally I get moments of doubt and I just shut them down, why let them spoil what could be an amazing weekend.

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