Dating tips5 minutes

Get to know each other more deeply

Laura, 7 January 2020
Get to know each other more deeply

After reading through as much dating advice and speaking to as many singles as I do, you would start to question the exact science of relationships and the opposite sex. There are, of course, a few aspects of dating that are obvious for most, but in the end getting to know how someone works and what makes them tick is what will determine your long (or short) term future together.

After reading an article from Stony Brook University in New York, which is fascinating, I wanted to share the results. The author basically concluded that the majority of couples who went through the below questions together almost always felt more at ease with each other and were more inclined to see each other again. Now I wouldn’t recommend bringing this list to a first date and reeling them off the cuff, but it does shed some light on how we communicate with each other and might help you come up with some questions when conversation isn’t flowing as you both might have liked!

  1. What would constitute a perfect day for you?
  2. When did you last sing, to yourself or to someone else?
  3. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
  4. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
  5. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
  6. Before making a phone call or going to a meeting, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say?
  7. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained one quality or ability, what would it be?
  8. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
  9. In four minutes, tell you partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
  10. Is there something that you’ve dreamt of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  11. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
  12. What is your most treasured memory?
  13. What does friendship mean to you?
  14. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you choose?
  15. What is your most terrible memory?
  16. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
  17. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
  18. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
  19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
  20. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
  21. What do you value most in a friendship?
  22. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
  23. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
  24. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
  25. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
  26. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
  27. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “we are both in this room feeling…”
  28. Complete this sentence “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”
  29. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
  30. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
  31. Tell your partner what you like about them: be honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
  32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
  33. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
  34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
  35. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
  36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Now, as I said I wouldn’t necessarily take these into a first date and grill your partner but they do raise some interesting answers and I’m sure I would feel a lot closer to someone after going through them all.

This doesn’t have to be done with someone you meet through dating websites, do it with your friends and family to strengthen ties or learn something new about each other. I would love to know how you got on! I really think this is a great way to get to know someone on a much deeper level.

This blog is posted by Darren, a contributor from

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