I’ve been on a lot of dates but I’ve never had anyone using any pick-up lines on me. I’m kind of gutted about this; it feels like a rite of passage that single girls should go through. For a guy to use pick-up lines on a girl, you are one brazen fellow, and I think I’d like your sass.

I also often think, what would actually happen if I did answer some of the questions these guys genuinely to want to know. Did it hurt when I fell from heaven? Yes, it DID hurt when I fell out of heaven. Am I tired from running through your mind all night? Yes I am actually, can we sit down? So what makes a pick up line a pick up line? Some ambitious and imaginative analogies. Puns that transcends dad jokes. A level of lewdness that even Benny Hill would blush at. Pick-up lines personally seem like a better prospect than the “interview date”.

I am very fond of talking about myself but do get somewhat startled at the velocity and forcefulness of the line of questioning I sometimes seem to get. Is this why you chose the booth seats? Do you secretly want to be the next Paxman? What’s your favourite colour/movie/music/food? I think I would also much prefer pick-up lines than the, ahem, photos men seem to be fond of sharing. They have the same level of enthusiasm to showcase any images like a 5 year old running home from school to show his mum his painting, but I am not your mum and you are not showing me a work of art. A light-hearted, humorous pick-up line would go down much better thanks boys.

Pick-up up lines are revered, offensive, humorous, pitied and imaginative. God bless them for their existence and guys, give me the best you’ve got.