How to cope when the ex dates first

It’s never easy seeing someone you once loved falling for someone else, but these six tips might at least help ease the pain…

Step away from Facebook
If you know your ex is dating someone new, social networking can never end well. While you may tell yourself there’s ‘no harm in just having a look’, deep down you know ‘harm’ doesn’t even come close. Seeing pictures of them out and about having fun is bad when it’s with people you once knew together, but it’s only a matter of time before you see them having fun with someone you don’t know: the new girl or boyfriend. To prevent this inevitable horror, either delete them as a friend or, if you want to be really tough, deactivate your account altogether. You can always re-join later on, but for the immediate break-up/ they’ve moved on aftermath; out of sight, out of mind.

Remember why it ended
It takes two to tango and whether you gave them their marching orders or were on the receiving end of it, there’s always a reason one of you called time on the relationship. However hard it is knowing they might be with someone new, don’t let it colour the truth; that you two weren’t right for each other. Remind yourself of their annoying habits, and rather than feel jealous of their new partner, feel a bit of pity.

Don’t compare yourself
This is one that almost everyone is guilty of doing. When an ex forms a new relationship, it’s easy to compare yourself to the new flame. ‘What have they got that I haven’t?’ is an all too common question. But all you’ll be doing is making yourself feel insecure, for no other reason than being you. This new person in their life may be very different from you, but that’s not a negative thing. Maybe they are simply more tolerant of your ex’s faults, or maybe they don’t even see them – either way, they are them and you are you and that is that.

Be wary of it
Seeing someone you loved seemingly in love with someone else while your heart is still broken is unbearable. But remember to cling onto the ‘seemingly’. Everyone moves on at different paces, but fundamentally, all people are the same – and all people need time to heal properly. Just because your ex is dating someone new, it doesn’t mean they are in love, or that it’s anything more than a re-bound. We’re not saying keep the false hope that they might be in love with you, simply that it’s unlikely they are really in love with anyone else just yet.

Keep busy
In the aftermath of any break-up, it’s important to keep yourself busy and distract yourself from wallowing by going out, seeing friends and taking up a shiny new hobby. In the case of a ‘they’ve got a new partner’ break-up, this is even more crucial than ever. Instead of sitting and wondering how ‘they’ might be spending the weekend together, go and do something fabulous with your weekend. Book a mini-break with mates, go to the house-party your colleague mentioned, go on that shopping spree. Do anything, just don’t sit and mope.

If you can’t beat them, join them
There’s never any point – or any joy – in dating again before you are really ready. After a split, you need time to re-coup and regain your battered confidence. But at some point, you need to throw yourself back into the game. Don’t make it into a competition with your ex, simply make it a competition with yourself. Set yourself a target of when you have to finish pining, and when you have to sign up to that dating site or go on that blind date your friend has been threatening. You never know, you might even enjoy it…