So, you’ve found a boy you like. Really like. The kind of boy that makes you want to growl, “Have him brought to my bedchamber at midnight.” You know you’d make the cutest couple in the entire world if he’d only notice you. All you have to do is impress him. But, how are you meant to do that?
In my career, I’ve had the opportunity to write for, and coach, thousands of men and I can tell you that it is EASY to impress them if you focus on the correct things. It’s NOT about being the prettiest, thinnest, easiest-going girl in the whole world. When I worked at GQ magazine, the office would be full of stunning female models every day. Any of these girls would impress the men, right? Wrong. The guys would notice and admire them, but they wouldn’t be impressed unless the girl also had the following qualities. When she did, men would literally climb over desks to get her number. I’m going to tell you what those qualities are, and the fastest way to acquire them. Let’s go.
1. HAVE POISE
Lots of dating guides will tell you that self-confidence is sexy, but that’s hard to achieve overnight. And I’ve seen girls mistake arrogance for confidence, and turn guys off. So let’s focus on poise. What’s poise? It’s an air of calm self-assuredness. You know those days when you love your outfit, you feel freakishly skinny and like everything in your life is under control? Well, no – me neither. But imagine how you’d feel if you did. You’d stand tall. You wouldn’t rush to speak. You’d sip, not gulp, your drink. Your actions would be calm, not rushed. Poise DESTROYS men; it’s incredibly sexy.
HOW TO GET POISE:
– Hit the gym. Exercise raises your brain’s calming endorphins levels, and lowers your resting heart-rate so you’re less jittery.
– Organise your life: manage your time better so you’re not always rushing from crisis to crisis.
– Surround yourself with supportive friends, so you’re always only one text message from remembering why you’re great.
2. HAVE HIGH STANDARDS
Lowering your standards is the fastest way to lose men’s respect. And you won’t impress him if he can’t respect you. So – have high standards, and maintain them throughout the relationship, even when you really, really like him. (Note: I don’t mean be a gold-digger. Standards aren’t about how much money someone spends on you, they’re about how much consideration someone shows you.) If you’re not sure your standards are high enough, ask a man, not a woman. Men know the secrets of the male heart and how well they will really treat a girl they’re keen on, and won’t let you accept anything less. Women are too soft.
HOW TO GET HIGH STANDARDS:
– Create a dating alter ego who would expect to be treated amazingly well. Say, Blair from Gossip Girl, Beyonce, Made in Chelsea’s Lucy, or even a famously high-class brand like Gucci or Tiffany & Co. Act like that character. Would they accept a 2am booty-call from a boy they just started dating? Would they send impassioned love-letters to someone who dumped them? Would they traipse across town for a glimpse of a boy that’s being elusive?
– Read a feisty dating book. I love Why Men Love Bitches by Sherrie Argov, or the timeless hard-core advice in The Rules (Schneider & Fein).
– Be the best you can be. Look your best, get a career you love, live in the loveliest place you can afford. Treating yourself well will stop you casually accepting bad treatment from others.
3. OWN YOUR PASSIONS
You’re never as attractive as when you’re engaged in your own interests. This is even true in online-dating: a profile photo of someone doing an interesting activity (like playing an instrument, skydiving, or painting a picture) will receive around 10 times as many responses as a standard headshot. So, pursue your passions, and never apologise for them or put them down in conversation. Ever watched a cool boy discussing his hobby, favourite band or football team? His face will light up, he’s knowledgeable, he’ll defend it to the death. It’s kind of sexy, right? Be like that! Whatever your “thing” is, pursue it. It’ll make you unique.
HOW TO OWN YOUR PASSIONS:
– Set aside one or two evenings a week to pursue your dream, ambition, or favourite hobby. And keep that date, no matter what. Prioritising your own interests makes you more of a complete person, and not available 24/7.
– Always be improving your abilities. Take a class, then an advanced class. Read books on the subject. Join a social group of fellow fans. Mastering a skill or becoming an expert will boost your own self-esteem, which is scorchingly hot. Learning new things also stimulates your brain’s Dopamine stocks, which makes you happier and more energetic.
– Never downplay your interests, or mutter things like, “Oh, it’s probably really boring but…” Be enthusiastic: that’s what having a life looks like. When you care about something outside yourself and whoever you’re dating, you become infinitely more desirable.
If you haven’t yet found a boy worth impressing, come and meet new ones on Match.com