How to spot a loser

Avoid investing your emotions and energies in time wasters by learning the tell tale signs to watch out for.

Avoid investing your emotions and energies in time wasters by learning the tell tale signs to watch out for. After all, just because they’re going nowhere, there’s no need for you to follow.

1. They badmouth their ex
You’ve only known them five minutes and they’re already slating their ex. Not a good start – particularly if their badmouthing comments start to make you feel some sympathy towards the ex in question! Remember, anyone who takes a swipe at someone who isn’t there to defend themselves is revealing more about themselves than they are about their ex. Do you really want to spend time building a relationship with someone who isn’t able to forgive, move-on or let go and might end up trash talking you some day? If the answer’s is no then move-on pronto!

2. Nothing’s ever their fault
If over the course of the conversation it becomes apparent that they believe everything that has (or hasn’t) happened to them is down to someone else, it indicates a reluctance to accept responsibility for the way their own life has panned out. Unless they’re under 16 years old, this is unacceptable. It’s all too easy for any of us to attribute lack of success to being born into the wrong family, or a boss who never gives us a chance to shine etc, but by now we should all know that life is tough and full of challenges and that we just have to get on with it. It’s just the losers who play the blame game preferring to be the victim rather than attempting to do anything to help themselves. Time to make your excuses and leave before they drag you down with them.

3. They can’t hold down a job
Don’t get us wrong, in this day and age it’s common and perfectly acceptable to experience short-term periods of unemployment, but if it seems as though the person you’re dating is in a constant pattern of being hired and fired, alarm bells should start ringing. The inability to hold down a job could indicate anything from bad time-keeping skills, a poor work ethic, a problem with authority, a slack attitude or downright laziness. Whether it’s just one or a combination of these traits, it’s best to steer clear otherwise guess who they’ll be scrounging off next time they’re given the sack?

4. They get their kicks by making fun of others
A good sense of humour is a powerful aphrodisiac but if their jokes are always at the expense of others and border on cruel, you’d better beware. Making fun of others in order to impress is a cheap trick and is actually a sign of low self-esteem. It also shows a lack of respect and tact. Get out before you become the butt of some ugly jokes yourself.

5. They rely heavily on alcohol or drugs
While we all loosen up after a couple of glasses of wine, anyone who seems to require alcohol – or something stronger – in order to function ‘normally’ should be viewed with extreme caution. You need to ask yourself why it is that they feel they need extra stimulants and what is says about their mental state. Drug use in particular signals a whole host of potential problems too complex and varied to go into here, but believe us, it’s not a solid foundation for a long-term loving relationship.  

6. They’re on bad terms with their family and friends
If the other relationships in their life have all turned sour, you’ve got to wonder why. How someone treats their parents, siblings and friends is a very good gauge of personality. For example, if someone is always disrespectful of their parents, it’s likely they’ll be disrespectful to you at some stage too.  So, if it seems their life is awash with broken friendships, betrayals and difficult relationships, you should see it as a very clear red flag and beat a hasty retreat.