I wish I was cool

I wish I was cool. And you know what that means. Like someone who says they’re funny yet doesn’t follow through with a joke that makes me laugh in a pitch only heard by dogs, to want to be cool inherently means I can never be cool. This is a struggle I’m going to have to deal with for the rest. of. my. life.

However, I’m mystified about something that cool people do. Why is it cool not to show that you care? You know what I mean. When you didn’t get the grades you wanted on the exam “Oh, I barely revised for it”. Or the job interview you went for and didn’t get “I didn’t want it anyway”. There’s a meme for this somewhere I’m sure. Oh really, you just thought you’d spend your valuable spare time writing your CV, a covering letter, taking a day off work, ironing a shirt for something you “didn’t want anyway”. It’s the same for dating. Never hear from that guy again and like some sort of spasm “Oh, I wasn’t that bothered about him anyway”. We all sound like Catherine Tate. Sometimes I look like her too (I am from Croydon after all).

But actually, personally. I’m bothered. I’m going to be brave and say I’m bothered when I don’t hear from guys. Including the ones I wasn’t even attracted to and wouldn’t really be bothered to see again. Which really doesn’t make sense.

This post isn’t about what to do to get a man to reply (because I am clearly no expert at that). This is about how actually it’s tough for the uncool people to deal with their egos.

Ego is a delicate little doily. Hard to look after but serves a purpose (kind of…although I would argue a coaster is better than a doily). It is especially harder to look after your ego when you’re single because your bad ego (?? I didn’t study Freud…maybe I should have) makes you think you are not attractive enough to society or you would not be single. Even when you willingly turn people down because they weren’t right. Even when you are more determined to be single than in a relationship that wasn’t right.

I am a big ambassador for single people. I think we’ve had to become more resilient and stronger when we’re single because there is no fall-back person you feel you can trust with your ego and your heart. I just think it’s not so bad to be a little human every once in a while. So whilst I have to deal with being uncool for the rest of my days, I’m going to suggest that it’s not uncool to care.