Laura Yates is a coach and writer specialising in helping people see the better side of breakups and heartbreak. You can find her at laurayates.org and pick up her free breakup audio.
When it comes to dating, love, relationships and life, something that can hold us back from really going after who and what we want is the fear of not being ‘perfect’. Maybe we think we’re not attractive enough, smart enough, exciting enough, funny enough – the list can go on. But when you think about who you want to date and end up in a relationship with, would you really want someone perfect? Perfection means there’s no room to grow, evolve or learn. Plus, it’s kind of boring!
Here are 5 reasons why embracing imperfection is the way forward when it comes to putting yourself out there.
1. It means you’re growing
Reaching perfection means there is nowhere to go and grow. Where’s the fun in that? Engaging in things that we’re striving for and having goals is what keeps life challenging and exciting. There’s a definite balance that can be reached between being content with who we are and what we have, and then growing. It’s certainly not about never being satisfied, it’s really just understanding that those things we might think are ‘flaws’ are not flaws at all – they just give us fuel to seek positive self-improvement. Say you feel you aren’t clever enough for example, why not make it a goal to learn about something that you’re curious about or interested in instead of beating yourself up? Take some action and enjoy where it takes you and what you learn!
2. Other people don’t expect you to be perfect
Everyone has their own hang ups about themselves and 99% of the time, people are more concerned with their own stuff rather than even noticing what you feel are your imperfections. If you’re worried that you don’t have the perfect ‘look’, there’ll be someone else out there who thinks you embody the essence of beauty. So don’t worry about trying to change yourself to please other people because that’s a lot of people to please all with different opinions and preferences. You’ll never win! The much more fun option is to make yourself feel as good as possible and that will radiate.
3. Confidence is sexy
The most magnetic person in the room isn’t usually the prettiest, funniest, outgoing, smartest or whatever else you might perceive as ‘perfect’. It will be the person who is most at ease with themselves, having a great time and is in the moment. That person probably has insecurities but is choosing to focus and completely own all the things they love about themselves and can, therefore, enjoy their own company instead of worrying about what people think.
4. Other people will fall in love with your flaws
No one wants to fall in love with perfection because it’s boring! Maybe you’re worried that your clumsiness will put someone off. Not true! Someone else will see this as one of the most endearing and appealing things about you. What you believe are your flaws are just a part of your personality. They make you dynamic and they make you completely unique. Even the messiest things! So your imperfections don’t make you flawed in any way at all – they simply make you, you. And someone else will adore these things. It’s all about perception.
5. Our imperfections create connection
If we were all perfect, this world would be extremely dull! Our flaws are what create human connection and empathy. When someone is able to embrace their imperfections, it puts other people at ease. Imperfections are the way we ultimately connect and relate to each other.
So if you’ve been giving yourself a hard time and feeling you have to be perfect to find love, go easy on yourself. Instead of trying to reach perfection (which is completely unrealistic, because there is no such thing!), make your goal for 2017 to love yourself entirely – and love the fact that you’re not perfect!