Want to hear one of the greatest revelations when it comes to dating? You’re not going to be everyone’s cup of tea. And that’s OK! Why? Because it’s simply impossible to be all things to all people. Not to mention exhausting. Some people will fancy the pants off you, while others will just see you as a friend. Just like there will be some people who you have great chemistry with and others who you never want to see beyond the first date.

Now this may sound harsh but it’s the truth and in knowing this, it sets you free. Here’s why:

  • You will no longer need to censor who you are to try and fit into a mould of who you think your date wants you to be (* collective sigh of relief *)


  • You will be able to take the pressure off yourself and to relax about the whole experience which means you’re more likely to enjoy it and have some fun!


  • The person who would be right for you is much more likely to ‘see’ you if you’re being yourself rather than pretending to be someone you’re not


  • The person who would be right for you is much more likely to ‘see’ you if you’re being yourself rather than pretending to be someone you’re not


And the best bit of all? When you are relaxed, at ease and comfortable in your own skin, embracing your imperfections and all of the other things that make you unique, you invite others to do the same.

So dare to reveal your true self, your date will thank you for it.

Here are 3 simple steps to show you how:

1. Relax your expectations on what the date means

Imagine that you are using online dating as a way to meet like-minded people and not a way to find a life partner. Your date may end up becoming your life partner but if you go into the date with that intention, it will put unnecessary pressure on yourself and your date and it will feel like a job interview where you need to perform and impress. Instead, see online dating as a tool to meet people for a coffee and a chat and go from there, taking the pressure off those early interactions.

2. Be the chooser and not the choosee

Rather than focusing your attention on whether your date likes you and whether they find you attractive, focus instead on how you feel about them. Are you feeling relaxed and at ease around this person or are you feeling uncomfortable? Are you having fun or are you feeling bored and wondering when you can make your getaway?

3. Adopt an attitude of gratitude

Dating can trigger all sorts of fears and insecurities, especially the fear of not being good enough. Instead of focusing on all the things you lack, shift your mindset by focusing on all the things that make you great. Step into the shoes of a loved one and think about all the things they love about you and all the ways they appreciate you and respect you. You could even ask a good friend to tell you! Make a list of all of your best attributes and keep reminding yourself of the wonderful qualities that make you great, including those little quirks that make you who you are.

So there you have it. If you needed a permission slip, then here it is..

Permission to NOT be everyone’s cup of tea.

Permission to be YOU.


Vicki x