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Your 5 Step Plan: How To Get Over Someone

photo of Kate Taylor
by Kate Taylor match.com’s dating and relationship expert
Your 5 Step Plan: How To Get Over Someone

Here’s the 5 step plan on how to get over someone and bounce back from a break up in the shortest time possible! Read and learn:

Step One: Stop All Contact

The fastest way to get over someone is to stop ALL contact with them. It’s often the hardest step too. When you miss an ex, you naturally want to hear their voice, know how they’re doing, and perhaps gently stalk their Instagram every night between midnight and 3am. Don’t. You must remember that ANY contact with your ex will take you right back to the very start of your break-up, and you’ll have to go through it all again. Initially, that might not feel like such a setback, but later on it’ll be a huge knock, so start asap.

First of all, remove all means of contacting your ex, and for them to contact you.

  • WhatsApp – delete
  • Facebook – unfriend
  • Instagram – unfollow
  • Twitter – unfollow
  • Mobile number – delete

Don’t worry about what they’ll think. From today, what your ex thinks is no longer your concern; you have to do this for your own health and happiness. Why is this so important? Because it works. No longer being in touch with an ex forces your brain to start thinking about new things, and that’s what is going to get you through this – trust me.

It takes about 8 weeks of No Contact to get over someone. Picture a day where you get up, thinking only of your own happiness, goals and dreams. You can’t have that if you’re still trying to decode your ex’s latest Facebook status, or jumping every time you get a message.

Step Two: Remove All Traces

If you’ve severed contact with your ex, you’re probably comforting yourself with the idea that you can still re-read old love notes, torture yourself with old photos, and go to bed every night wearing their T-shirt. Sorry – nope. If you really want to know how to get over someone, you have to decontaminate.

You don’t have to destroy every memory of the relationship, but you need them out of your living space and mind until you can look at them unemotionally. Seal a box with any mementos and a USB with any digital files, and store it somewhere inconvenient, like a friend’s loft or your parent’s garage. Leave it there for as long as possible.

Step Three: Raise your serotonin

You probably already know how serotonin (one of your brain’s “feel good” chemicals) helps you feel happier. But did you know it can actually help you get over an ex too?When you fall in love, serotonin levels naturally drop to allow two other chemicals – dopamine and norepinephrine – to take over. Those chemicals create the feelings of attraction, attachment and motivation that keep you intensely bonded to a partner.

After you’ve split, that’s obviously the LAST thing you need. If you raise your serotonin again, the effects of dopamine and norepinephrine are lessened, helping you to move on.

There are loads of natural ways to raise your serotonin levels for example:

  • Sunlight – vitamin D is key
  • Exercise – make the most of your new free time, but don’t go overboard
  • Massage – studies have shown that massages give you a boost
  • Remember happy times – simple, but remembering positive events is proven to increase your serotonin levels; you don’t need your ex to be happy.

Experiment with new people and activities, and rekindle old interests to get your body and mind racing – you probably didn’t have time for this before today.

Step Four: Break your routine

You don’t just miss your ex, you miss the life you used to have. You have to build a new life as you learn how to get over someone! So begin small. Make two tiny changes to your routine every day, such as:

  • Buy brand new sheets for your bed
  • Go to that coffee shop you’ve always thought looked nice
  • Listen to a new radio station
  • Read a book by an unknown author

Set a goal and work towards it. Make it something positive, like running a 5K for charity. (Don’t ask your ex to donate). Sign up to volunteer, dating websites, or offer to walk a friend’s dog once a week. Adjustments to your home are a tangible symbol of change: paint a wall a new colour; move your furniture around; buy new cushions for the sofa.

Step Five: Lean on your friends

You don’t need to go through a break-up alone. If you’re feeling really down, you might not want to burden anyone with your misery, but trust me: good friends like to be burdened. What they don’t like is feeling they’re not helping, so tell them what you need. If that’s simply, “Please can I come over and moan for an hour while you feed me chocolate?” fine, just ask.

Don’t lay all your sadness on one friend, create a rotation of people to mope with. That stops anyone getting sick of you, plus you’ll get different help from different friends. Venting anonymously online can be therapeutic too, when you want to rant at 2am – create an account and type out your pain to fellow sufferers. But keep your heartbreak off social networks like Facebook or Twitter. There’s no dignity in sadness, and later on, you’ll be glad you fell apart only in private.

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