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How to get Back in the Dating Game After a Break up: a 3-Step Plan

photo of Laura
by Laura
How to get Back in the Dating Game After a Break up: a 3-Step Plan

Have you recently had a painful break up? Are you struggling to muster up the motivation, or even the desire, to get back into dating? Do you cringe at the idea of first dates? Sounds like you need Match’s expert guidance!

Let’s not dwell on how awful break ups can be: almost all of us have experienced one and we know exactly what they involve. Instead, let’s focus on the positives: you suddenly have a brand new lease of life, a lot more free time, and nothing to hold you back ! It’s all about your mindset, so quit moping about and get yourself back on the dating scene. Follow our advice to make the most out of your new single status – no need to thank us.

Build your confidence back up

Break ups knock your confidence like very little else can: you start to question whether your partner was ever that into you, whether they might already have their eye on your replacement, whether they stopped being attracted to you… The list goes on. Stop right there! Even if any of this is true (it almost definitely isn’t), you’re not together any more and you have to stop allowing their ghost to haunt you. You broke up for a reason and you don’t need them to prop up your confidence.

It might be a cliche, but self-love is where the healing process starts and ends. If you don’t love (or at least like?) yourself, you’re not ready to be in a relationship. Relying on someone else to make you feel confident and happy is a dangerous game because you never know when things might change or come to an end.

Rebuild your confidence post-break up by spending time with people who make you feel good about yourself. Your closest friends and family recognise your best qualities and will remind you of them when you’re struggling. Don’t hide away alone at home. Even if you don’t feel like leaving the house, get your loved ones to come over and have a wholesome night in together. This will distract you from the thoughts constantly whizzing around your brain and allow you to be yourself around people you love and trust.

Do things that make you feel good about yourself. If you feel sexy wearing a particular pair of jeans, you wear the hell out of those jeans. If you love experimenting with makeup, go wild and try a completely new look. Don’t let people tell you that you shouldn’t be doing certain things if those things make you feel confident. Once you’ve regained the self-belief you had before the break up, it’s time to move onto the next stage…

Put yourself out there

You’ll never meet anyone new if you’re not putting yourself in a position to do so. There are two main ways to open yourself up to meeting new people: registering with a dating  site, and being more sociable in your everyday life.

Online dating is the best way to meet loads of new people without the awkwardness of trying to work out if the person you’re talking to is actually single. You have access to a huge pool of eligible singles, all of whom are actively looking to date. You can also weed out the people who don’t immediately catch your eye without having to spend a whole evening getting to know them. Or you can use our advanced search to narrow down your options based on your most desired characteristics. Register for free today to benefit from all of this and more!

Alongside online dating, you should also be trying as many new things as possible in an effort to meet new people. Sign up for classes, take up a new hobby or join a sports team. Doing any of these things opens up a new world of people to meet; you’re bound to encounter some you click with. Even if you don’t, you’ll have a new circle of friends who can introduce you to endless prospective dates. Trying new things and having lots of hobbies also gives you so much more to talk about on dates, meaning you’ll hopefully avoid awkward silences and be the most interesting person you can be.

Don’t say no to anything unless you have a good reason not to do it. If an old friend invites you out for a drink, go! You might meet the love of your life in the bar you go to, or you might have a lovely night and rekindle a valuable friendship. Either way, you’ve got nothing to lose. If you’re not enjoying yourself just make polite conversation, have one drink, and go home. At least you will have made the effort.

Dating is all about putting the effort in and hopefully getting something you want in return. If you apply this logic to all aspects of your life, your chances of meeting someone will improve and you’ll feel generally more fulfilled.

The key part: actually dating

So, you’ve met some new people, whether online or offline, and it’s time to arrange some dates to get to know them on a deeper (and possibly romantic) level. But you haven’t dated since your break up and you can’t even remember what they’re like! Are they as awkward as you imagine in your worst nightmares?

The truth is that first dates are exactly what you make of them. Of course you won’t feel that spark with everyone you date, but you’ll still meet interesting people. Even if you have nothing in common and are struggling for conversation (which is unlikely considering all the exciting new hobbies you will have taken up!), you can excuse yourself after an hour or so and count it as experience of post-break up dating.

Don’t obsess over your dates for weeks before you go on them. You’ll be the best version of yourself if you’re relaxed and confident. Of course, a few nerves can heighten your excitement and get the adrenaline going – just don’t let them take over and reduce you to a giggling mess.

Don’t let anything stop you from going on as many dates as you want – play the field and keep dating until you find someone who really floats your boat. You’re a great catch and you deserve someone who you have that perfect connection with. Just remember, it all comes down to self-love. Let your confidence and self-assurance shine through and you’ll have your pick of the most eligible singles.