Video transcriptHow to have a stronger connection online
Okay, so in this second section, we're going to have just a quick chat about how you can also work to build a stronger connection online.
Really, this again goes back to your outlook and how you are utilising the tools that Match offers you to meet someone.
We all know that if we're doing the online dating thing whilst also watching our favorite TV show, and we're just maybe sending some likes, and we're not really engaging with the process, it's going to be hard for you to feel excited about anyone.
That's not because there's no one exciting out there, it's because you are not bringing that attention and time and focus and care to this area of your life.
If you really want to meet someone, let's think about how we can use all the tools that Match offers you to form a stronger connection and have a more human dating experience than just passively sending likes.
Now, we know that when we are looking at a dating profile that just messaging someone can actually be quite a limited form of communication to figuring out who we're going to really connect with in real life.
Something that can feel a bit demotivating is if you feel like you're consistently going on dates, but none of them are really connecting.
Perhaps that can then lead to you being perhaps non-committal around dates, or just feeling like you can't quite be bothered to make time for dating.
This is a bit of a…if you are here right now, you're in a bit of a rop.
How to figure out who you're going to really connect with?
How you actually get out of that is, you need to utilise a broader variety of tools to figure out if someone could be a potential match to you before you commit to meeting.
There's a few different ways that you can do this.
Use Match voice
First of all, you can use Match Voice to add voice notes to your profile and also to listen to other people's voice notes.
Often, when we hear someone speak, and we get a sense of their tonality and their personality and their accent, we can immediately get a strongest sense of whether we're going to gel on a date or not.
100% create a well-rounded profile by adding voice notes yourself and answering the voice prompts that Match offers you.
This really gives you a great ability to communicate who you are, and likewise, if you're on the fence about whether someone could be a potential connection for you, listening to voice notes gives you a really good extra layer of information.
Use the Video call option
You could also consider just having a video chat with someone before you commit to meeting in real life.
Now remember, if someone is the supportive, accepting partner that you are looking for, provided that you are communicative, and you're expressing your preferences in a way that's positive, people should really be generally happy to listen to the pace that you'd like to go at.
Perhaps someone has asked you out, but it feels just a bit too soon for you to want to go there.
Instead of writing that off and feeling like, "Oh, I'm not sure, I'm not sure."
Think about this halfway house of suggesting a video date instead.
You could say, "that sounds like a really great idea, but can we have a quick video chat first?"
By expressing your desire for a video chat positively, you help to keep the exchange between you feeling really open and feeling really good, and you also get that, again, another valuable piece of information.
Calling via the Match platform also keeps your personal information safe, so it's a really good way of connecting with someone.
Use all the available tools on Match
If you want to get better at figuring out who could potentially be a good match for you and having dates where you feel more excited about them, make sure that you use all the tools available on Match.
That could be building out a really holistic profile yourself where you are updating your pictures, you are writing a nice profile, you are using Match Voice to add voice notes to your profile.
It could also mean that you just have the confidence really to suggest having that halfway house video chat before you then commit to a date.
Because ultimately, when you do commit to a date, again feeling confident to suggest a date that you are going to enjoy anyway regardless if this happens to be the love of your life.
Soon we're going to have the survey results come up.
Questions from Match singles
Before we do our recap, though, I just want to answer a couple more questions that were sent in in advance.
"How do you let someone down gently when you do not like the person, and they can continue to contact you?"
The first one is from Marianne, and I think this again, this is going to be something a lot of you'll want to know about.
Marianne asks, "How do you let someone down gently when you do not like the person, and they can continue to contact you?"
Marianne, I'm going to take your question a bit bigger and talk about this slightly more generally around the etiquette of how to say thanks, but no, thanks.
Now, sometimes, not in Marianne's case, but sometimes you may find that the other person really isn't contributing much to the conversation.
Perhaps there're not very responsive or responding with one word answers.
If this is the case, I think it's actually okay for you to not feel the need to always respond and perhaps think, "Oh, this person isn't really matching my efforts in the conversation, so I'm just going to let that interaction go."
At other times, you may find "great the other person is really enthusiastic, they're really making an effort to get to know me, but for whatever reason, I'm just not feeling that level of personal connection".
Now, provided you feel safe to do so, most people would prefer to have a kind but clear message here that lets them know that you are not going to be continuing chatting.
Just saying something like, "I appreciate taking the time to chat. However, I don't feel we have that romantic connection and I wanted to be honest with you and wish you all the best."
A simple positive message like that is usually how people will prefer to have that thanks, but no thanks because it gives them clarity, and it's still really kind.
If someone does continue to contact you after this, you can report that user as well.
There are different levels that you can go to and remember, the most important thing for you really is that we try to treat others how we would like to be treated ourselves by being kind yet clear when it's a "no, thank you" from us.
But likewise, you also want to feel that again, your chats that you're having with people are positive and that you're building a connection as this will improve your overall motivation for dating.
"How do you avoid the same first date chat every time?"
My last question that I've got sent in advance comes from Tash, who asks, "How do you avoid the same first date chat every time?"
Well, Tash, again, I think we're going to go back to personal responsibility here, which means it really comes down to you, how you are choosing to interact with your dates.
Going onto a date rather than falling into the, "So what do you do?" back and forth, try starting your date by talking about either how you are feeling in that moment.
It could be, "I'm really glad I made it here tonight. I actually had a really hectic day at work." Or it could be, "I was actually slightly nervous coming here to meet you."
By saying something that's truthful and authentic that will often help to bring positive emotions into the dating experience and will help to break the ice.
Likewise, think about asking the other person questions that you really would love to know the answer to.
Don't just go through those: "What do you do?", "What do you get up to for fun?" questions, think about what values you have, what hobbies you like and what your ideal partner would be like, and ask people questions based around that.
My final tip here, Tash, is also to really listen to a person.
Instead of seeing the conversations, just something you have to get through, get through the conversation, think actively about what that person is really sharing and contributing.
Listen to what personal qualities they're expressing.
You may also want to ask them how long they felt that way, or were they like that when they were a child? Or is that what they dream of doing in the future?
Really get into the conversation, bring yourself into the present and really listen to other person.
I really believe everyone is interesting, so if you can go into that first conversation with that mindset, it will help you to find more exciting chats on your first date.
Now, we've got a whole big Q&A coming up where I'm really excited to be answering your questions live.
Key Takeaways
Before we get to that, though, let's just do a really quick recap of the main bullet points covered in this chapter.
The more you can humanise how you connect with the potential dates, the easier it will be for you to learn who you connect with the most.
Create a strong dating app profile by adding some voice notes using Match Voice.
Use a live let's talk feature or hop on a video chat when you're experiencing a connection to see and feel out whether you've got enough connection with someone to go forward to the date.