Ever wondered why you didn’t meet anyone lovely at a singles evening? It’s not you – it’s probably one of these classic errors. By match.com’s Relationships Expert, Kate Taylor.
1. Bringing too many friends
“Hello, I saw you in the corner, laughing with your huge group of friends, and thought I’d fight my way in and say Hi,” is something you’ll never hear at a social event. When you arrive with two or more friends, other people – the new people you came to meet – will leave you alone. You’ve made yourself unapproachable, because talking to you means auditioning to everyone in your group and that’s daunting. Instead, bring just one friend. They should be single, preferably of the same sex (so onlookers don’t assume you’ve already met your match), and supportive. That friend who always makes you feel fabulous about yourself – bring them!
2. …Or not enough
You’re very welcome to attend match.com Nights solo, but I don’t recommend it unless you’re very outgoing. Unlike speed-dating events where you’re forced to interact, match.com Nights are like cocktail parties. People tend to sit and stand in small groups. If you’re confident enough to work a room, then fly solo. But if you feel you’d suffer a fit of shyness and end up fiddling with your phone in the corner, bring a friend. If you do find yourself alone at the Night, talk to the hostess. They’ll help you to mingle by introducing you to new people.
3. Having loooong conversations with the wrong people
It’s lovely to find yourself deep in conversation with a potential new partner or friend, but don’t settle in for a three-hour chat. Keep your interactions positive, light-hearted and brief. Fifteen to 20 minutes is perfect – long enough for you to get to know each other, but not so long that you’ve shared everything and have no reason to see each other again. After 20 minutes, swap phone numbers or match usernames and continue the conversation on a date. This said, the more people you talk to at a match.com night, the higher your chances of meeting someone special, so it’s important you don’t spend too long chatting to someone you’re not really clicking with. If you want to end a conversation politely, excuse yourself to go to the cloakroom or the bar. Or, open the conversation up to other nearby guests, then discreetly move away. Alternatively, just be polite and say, “I’ve enjoyed our conversation, I hope you meet someone lovely,” then go and get another drink.
4. Sitting in the corner
Arrive early and grab a spot in the centre of the room. This one tip could make or break your match.com Night. Even if you’re the most attractive and scintillating person in the world, nobody will discover you if you spend the evening over by the back wall. match.com Nights fill up quickly, so aim to see and be seen. Stay central, and walk around occasionally, slowly. Don’t march to the bar like you’re trying to catch the last train – walk serenely, making eye contact with people you pass. You want people to feel they can talk to you, don’t you? Then make it easy for them.
5. Keeping your coat on
Another reason to arrive early is so you can find somewhere to stash your coat and bag. Looking good is crucial at a singles night, so dress in an attention-grabbing colour and wear an outfit you feel shows you at your best. Then, when you’re leaving the Night, put your coat back on and go around charmingly saying goodbye to everyone you’ve enjoyed speaking to. This signals that you’re about to disappear like Cinderella, so anyone who likes you will get your contact details before you vanish.