What is Respect in a Relationship?

A healthy relationship is one built on respect. It’s a key component and its absence should be cause for concern. The problem, however, is that it’s not always easier to acknowledge when respect is lacking. Manipulation and familiarity, as well as a perspective that is clouded by love and inexperience, can mean you don’t see the disrespect even when it’s right in front of you.

So, let’s look at the importance of respect, discuss why it matters, and highlight the signs and consequences of a lack of respect.

Definition of Respect

Respect is defined as an admiration for someone/something based on their perceived good qualities/traits. You show respect for someone by being polite and honourable.

In a relationship, for instance, you are respectful to your partner because you appreciate them as a person. You acknowledge that they deserve to be treated a certain way; you listen to their opinions and you trust their actions.

Importance of Respect in a Relationship

Respect is important because it builds trust among the couple and increases feelings of safety and well-being among the two partners. More importantly, having respect means everything is equal and there is a healthy power dynamic, allowing you to build a healthy relationship.

Indicators of Respect in a Relationship

Do you show your partner respect? Do they reciprocate? If so, you may recognise these signs, which are present in all healthy relationships:

• Honest Communication: If you respect your partner, it means you talk openly with them and don’t hide things from them. It doesn’t matter if you consider them white lies or not, if you’re hiding things then it could be a problem.
• Showing Appreciation: You appreciate who they are and what they do, whether that refers to something they did for you or something they do really well in their work.
• Consistency and Reliability: You are both consistent in how you treat one another. You care for each other’s well-being.
• Admiration for Each Other’s Personal Growth: Disrespect often presents with jealousy or the belief that one person’s work and growth is more important than the other’s. Remember, you should be equal, so you should show respect for their growth.
• Healthy Boundaries: A boundary is somewhere you won’t go or something you won’t say, such as insulting them. You may think it’s just “banter”, but if it hurts them, it’s wrong.

How to Show Respect in a Relationship

You can learn how to show more respect, so don’t worry if you’re lacking in this area. Once you show it more yourself, you’ll gain respect from the people who love you.

• Listening Actively: The goal of listening is not to wait for the moment you can speak or encourage people to praise you. It’s about showing an interest in what they say and asking questions that prove you’re paying attention.
• Showing Appreciation Regularly: You don’t have to tell them you appreciate them every day. Actions speak louder than words, so be affectionate, do things for them, and express your appreciation.
• Valuing Each Other’s Ideas and Opinions: Listen to their ideas, heed their opinions, and don’t belittle them.
• Being Punctual: If you agree to meet them for dinner or a voice call at a certain time, don’t be late!
• Showing Kindness & Empathy: Be there for them and be honest with your emotions–you’re doing it because you care and not because you think it will get you something.

How to Foster Respect in a Relationship

You’re just one-half of the relationship, and respect is just one piece of the puzzle. So, remember the following:

• Shared Decision Making: Don’t make all of the decisions for yourself and don’t assume command once a decision needs to be made. You’re a couple, so you should act as a partnership.
• Trusting One Another: Trust them and expect the same level of trust in reply. That means not insisting they can’t have good-looking friends you’re threatened by and giving them the freedom to go places and enjoy themselves without you.
• Accepting One Another: Accept them for who they are and don’t try to force changes on them for your own benefit.
• Supporting One Another: Be there for them when times are tough and they need support.

Lack of Respect in a Relationship: Signs and Consequences

Does your partner lack respect for you? Does it feel like there is a lack of trust, respect, and openness as a result? Are you worried that you might not be showing them the respect they deserve?

Here are the signs to look out for:

Controlling behaviour

Be very wary of any partner who tries to change or control you. If they insist that you can’t have certain friends, must quit your job, can’t leave the house, or can’t do certain things online, it is a huge red flag and could indicate a very serious issue within the relationship.

Not considering a partner’s feelings

Do they insult you and dismiss it as “banter”? Do they seem more occupied with making friends laugh than considering your feelings? Do they put you down and make you feel weak, miserable, and ashamed? These are all red flags and are completely inexcusable.

Breaking promises

The occasional broken promise could indicate that they have issues following through and are maybe struggling with some personal problems. But if they do it repeatedly and don’t care about the consequences, it’s an insult to you and your feelings.

Dishonesty

Dishonesty is never a good sign. They could be hiding something, and if they’re not, it still suggests that they don’t respect you enough to be open and honest.

Mocking decisions and beliefs

If you’re in a relationship with someone of a different faith, you should respect their beliefs. It doesn’t just apply to organised religion, either. A similar level of respect must be shown to other beliefs. You don’t need to believe the same things, but you should respect their rights to think a certain way. By the same token, if you’re the one with those beliefs you shouldn’t try to impose them on your partner.

How to Deal With Lack of Respect in a Relationship

Not getting the respect you need or deserve? That shouldn’t be allowed to continue.

Communicate your feelings

Tell your partner how you feel. You respect them and so they should respect you, right? They may not feel like they are doing anything wrong, so present them with examples (without making it seem like you’ve been studying them and collecting evidence so you can attack them).

Set boundaries

If you’re not comfortable with their “banter”, tell them. Don’t like it when they talk trash about your parents? Make it abundantly clear. They might not heed your words straight away, but if you’re very clear about your feelings they won’t have an excuse when they do it again.

Seek professional help

If the problem persists and it seems like there is no improvement, consider counselling/therapy. It’s a big issue and it needs to be resolved lest it harm your relationship and impact your mental health.

The Role of Self-Respect in a Relationship

You can’t expect your partner to respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Self-respect and mutual respect go hand-in-hand, so focus on the things that make you unique. If your self-esteem is low, it might feel like you have nothing. But there’s always something, no matter how small, whether it’s your encyclopaedic knowledge of steam trains or your impressive personal bests in the gym.

Once you recognise those traits, you can build from there, seeing yourself as people who love you see you.

• Say no to people who are trying to manipulate you
• Remove toxic people from your life
• Don’t compare yourself to others
• Don’t dwell on the negatives or wallow in misery
• Avoid thinking about bad memories and embarrassing moments
• Tell yourself that you’re awesome because you are!

Respect in Different Types of Relationships

In any relationship, respect is essential. You don’t have to be dating that person to expect a certain level of trust and respect. But of course, the way you show that respect differs.

In a family relationship, for instance, there can exist a level of reverence that doesn’t work in a romantic relationship. You look up to parents and grandparents, and you’re expected to treat them a certain way. The same is true for employers and bosses at work. Friends, colleagues, siblings, and cousins are usually all on an even footing though. They still need respect, but they should be expected to return it in equal measures.

Conclusion: Respect—The Cornerstone of a Healthy Relationship

Mutual respect is at the heart of every good relationship. If you want your relationship to last over the long term and for that person to play a key role in your life, then start showing them some respect! It’s not the only thing that matters, of course, there are many other key signs of commitment in a relationship, but it definitely needs to be prioritised.

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