For a lot of people, flirting isn’t something they feel particularly confident in, and it can be more difficult if we want a serious relationship. Talking to and/or with someone you’re interested in can be the most nerve-wracking experience you could think of – you’d think we’d get over it after we left school, but most people still feel shy talking to someone they fancy! Flirting generates an instant connection, and more importantly, lets someone know in a casual way that you’re interested in them – giving them an easy opportunity to let you know if they feel the same way.
Author and communications professor Jeffrey Hall conducted a steamy study where people were asked if they flirted and if they thought their partner (for study purposes) had too. Surprisingly, only 36% of men and 18% of women got the answer right!
At the end of the day, flirting feels good! That teenage feeling of fancying someone is so exciting and never ends. Making someone laugh or meeting someone who makes you laugh with great conversation can make dating (and flirting!) so much more fun. We often don’t even know or realise that we are being flirty when we are because it’s such a natural chemical thing. You just want it to make you and whoever you’re flirting with feel good. It takes time to know your flirting style as well – some are more teasing, others give compliments and some are master flirters by text. It takes time to find your groove but when you do, nothing will lure a man or woman in as much.
So if you’re flirting skills aren’t up to scratch, don’t worry about it too much, Match is here to help you by giving you some top tips on how to flirt:
For the guys:
Listen and respond
What’s sexier than listening? Don’t just nod in response, listen to their stories and share things about yourself. Flirting is all about engaging the other person and making sure that you’re equally sharing the connection. Sharing is the first step to connection and flirting through storytelling. Nothing is hotter.
Look into their eyes
Eye contact is a must. Making someone feel that stomach flip when you catch each other’s eyes and one of you has to look away first – there’s nothing better. In fact, contact of any form is important; eyes, hands and attention contract.
Read their body language
Mimicking someone’s body language is a way of telling someone you’re watching and responding to them. It will make them feel close to you and as if they’re being listened to. Also, see if they’re leaning towards you or away – this is a big sign of whether they’re feeling you or not. Although it could be that they are shy so don’t read into this too much. Note: this is hard to do over message.
Be confident – but not cocky
Letting someone know you’re secure in yourself is incredibly attractive. For example: try saying something like: “Tell me about you…” instead of brushing things off with a “I’m sorry I talk so much!”
Don’t be afraid to show your nerves!
Especially if you’re a guy who is dating a woman – this is how to flirt with a girl 101 guys! Being adorably nervous is endearing. Try not to give too much away, but saying something like “I was so nervous to meet you, I almost walked past when I got here!” is sweet and shows that you have genuine feelings towards someone. It will make the woman feel like you are being yourself. Flirting is about being vulnerable and there are so many signs that someone is flirting with you which are rooted in vulnerability. Taking the mickey out of yourself is endearing.
For the ladies:
Find out whether the person you’re dating is passionate about the thing they’re talking about and ask them for more details about it. For example, if they’re talking about how much they love going to theme parks, ask them what the best rollercoaster they’ve ever been on is!
When you’re asking questions, you should always be prepared to answer a few too. Tell the truth, even though it’s very tempting to embellish a little, eventually they’ll figure out you haven’t met Tyler, The Creator backstage at a festival.
Throw around some playful teasing
Discover their sense of humour, exaggerate, be slightly sarcastic, throw some emojis in there, and send memes. If they send some slight shots back, you’ll know they like you.
Don’t message too much
A difficult one! When you like someone, it can be tempting to message 24/7. But remember to have boundaries and if you’re busy don’t be afraid to leave them on delivered (or even read if you’re extra flirty).
Ask them out first
If you’re messaging it can be a great way to get to know someone, but you should make the most of being able to see people in person again and see if those sparks fly!
For those who have yet to make up their minds:
Yep – that’s a non-binary reference you’ll find in Kinky Boots and we are not ashamed about it! Dating as someone who doesn’t necessarily identify on the typical gender spectrum is an added challenge. If you don’t identify as a guy or a girl – or if you’re fluid – flirting should never have restrictions. You can show signs of flirting in a million different ways – just make it personal to you. Some may subtly flirt, others may be more forward. How can you keep things light and fun when all people want to know is “What are you though? Here are some tips on keeping it sexy if you’re one of the 6.9% of LGBT+ people who identify as non-binary in the UK:
Be honest, but don’t feel the need to explain
You’re not the non-binary pantomath! Keeping things away from gender politics and pronouns lets you stay more fun and sexy. Of course, answering serious and important questions is important if you’re hoping to hang out with them, but stay away from having to tell someone everything at the first meeting.
Not everyone is waiting for you to mess up – chances are, if you’re messaging or meeting, they’re probably into you. Don’t be afraid to let them get to know you. Confidence is sexy, so don’t get bogged down in anxiety.
Let your eyes linger on them
A great way to watch someone squirm a little – in a nice way! Checking out your date is the best way to flirt, let your eyes rest on them for a half-second longer than you need to and watch them giggle at you.
Leave the phone alone
Ok, we’ve all done the ‘take the phone out when they go to the bathroom’ trick to let everyone know you’re safe and having fun (or not). But leave the technology out of it. Now we can see each other in person again, and spend time enjoying someone’s company. Looking at your phone is an instant flirt-killer.
Pull the cinema classic – do an arm drape
Sometimes the old tricks are the best. Putting your arm around someone establishes physical contact (not to be too D.E.N.N.I.S. system about the whole thing) and helps them feel comfortable and safe in your presence – who knows, you could even give them a little kiss on the cheek if they like it!
Sending flirty texts
Flirty texts are a tricky line to balance. Having a conversation with someone over text and sending a flirty text with the best pick-up lines is a different thing. It must be remembered that a flirty text and a vulgar text are two very different things. Letting someone know that you’re flirting with them is achieved through implicit signs such as the ellipsis (the dot dot dot…), winky face emojis and others which communicate flirty body language. Vulgar texts are more explicit than implicit and this is not what we are aiming for.
When texting we want to communicate the things we did before just via messaging. How can eye contact be communicated over text? There is no eye contact emoji! It can definitely seem a challenge to flirt over text but communicating what you want must come naturally. Talk about going to the cinema together or humorously and gently make fun of how clumsy they are and how you find it cute – this is flirting! Taking someone’s flaws and seeing the charm in them and communicating it through words is flirting. Sending a flirty text that communicates this with kindness is a direct way to love.
Flirting is the first step to love and not just any love but a love that is grounded in friendship and feels safe. All in all, flirting is just a conversation and single men and single women alike will know when it feels natural to flirt. Flirting is all about paying attention to someone, paying compliments and making that person feel cared for.
A lot of guys think that flirting is about talking about sex – this couldn’t be further from the truth. Flirting lies in the implicities – a smile, eye contact, subtle attention…
Say someone flirting with you makes you feel special? That’s flirting done right.
Most importantly: don’t forget to have fun!