Dating can get a wee bit confusing at times. Is he flirting, or is he just being friendly? Is she laughing because she’s into you, or are you just a hilarious comedian? We’ve pulled together this handy guide to signs of attraction so you no longer need to wonder what they’re thinking and can get on with meeting your ideal match.
Signs He or She Is Attracted to You – Body Language
Body language makes up a huge part of our communication, often without us realising what we’re “saying” through our movements or facial expressions. Although it’s important not to overanalyse – sometimes a tiny movement is just that and not an expression of undying affection – being aware of body language can sometimes clue us in to how our special someone might be feeling. This can help us be better able to predict the chances of them saying yes to another date. Here’s what to keep an eye out for:
- Mirroring – If you were paying attention in GCSE Psychology, you might remember them mentioning something called mirroring. When we mirror someone, we reflect their movements, body positioning and even speech patterns without realising we are doing so. Perhaps you’re speaking with someone who smiles as they talk, and you do so back without it being intentional, or you’re having a serious conversation with someone and look down to see you’ve both crossed your arms – that’s mirroring. Mirroring can portray signs of attraction, especially when the movements encourage us to be more open or relaxed (think uncrossing your arms or moving so that you’re turned towards each other). It’s a subtle sign that you’re trying to establish a connection with someone.
- Physical affection – Being physically affectionate is a little different to mirroring in that it may not be subconscious. Perhaps she leans against you slightly, or he gently touches your arm. It’s important not to read too much into this because some people are just naturally more physically affectionate than others, so this could just be a sign of friendliness or that they are feeling relaxed in your company. However, if you see this physical affection in combination with flirty jokes or other typical signs of attraction, you may well be on to a winner.
- Facial expressions – Our facial expressions can provide a massive amount of insight into how we are actually feeling. Perhaps we’re served a terrible meal, and while we say, “Wow, thank you. This looks great,” our eyes reflect our internal horror. Maybe we see someone we’ve missed and start beaming. Without staring, pay attention to the facial expressions he or she makes to get a feel for what they’re thinking. According to some studies, common signs of attraction in women’s facial expressions are her eyes being focused towards the person she’s flirting with, a slight smile, and having her head tilted to one side with her chin tucked slightly down. Gaze is also important in men – if a man is flirting with you, he’ll generally lock eyes with you whilst you’re speaking to each other.
How to Tell If a Woman or Man Is Attracted to You – Speech
What that special someone says – and how they say it – can be a great indicator of how they’re really feeling. Showing that you’re happy to listen as well as talk, and that you really care about what they have to say, is always a positive thing, and while you’re listening, they may just reveal their interest in you.
- Do they give you compliments or speak enthusiastically about you? While too many compliments can make us feel awkward, someone casually mentioning that they like what you’re wearing can have you feeling like the bee’s knees and also be a sign that they’re interested in getting to know you.
- Do they subtly find ways to suggest meeting again? Perhaps she brings up an amazing local restaurant that you have to visit, or he waxes lyrical about the drinks at his favourite bar – these might both be their way of leading the conversation towards a future date.
- Do they laugh at your jokes? If you’ve never thought of yourself as much of a comic but suddenly everything you say is just hysterical and leads to loud bursts of laughter, they probably fancy you.
- Do they show you that they’re paying attention? If someone likes you, they’ll probably genuinely be interested in what you have to say. They might show this by bringing up in-jokes from the last time you met or remembering the interest you mentioned in passing earlier in the conversation.
How to Attract Men or Women Online
If you’re wanting to be a hit with the ladies and gents of Match, we’ve got some all-important top tips:
- Don’t be over-keen or pushy. Allow things to take a little time. This means you’ll probably exchange a few messages before suggesting meeting up and will be careful to avoid being overly intimate with the messages you send early on.
- Be confident. If you’re a woman, definitely don’t buy into the myth that only men can make the first move. Many men really appreciate women who have the confidence to approach them, so be brave and take that first step!
- Show that you are interested in them as a person. Imagine you receive two opening messages from new profiles on a dating app. One simply says, “Hi,” while the other one says, “Hey! I noticed on your profile that you’re into [hiking/reading/dancing]. Me too! What’s your favourite [mountain/book/song]?” Which of these messages are you more likely to respond to? Which makes you feel like the person is excited to learn more about you as a person?
- Make sure you don’t come across as looking for something fleeting. The language you use, especially in opening messages, is really important here. By all means, pay someone a compliment, but try not to focus solely on looks in your conversation, or the other person may assume that you’re looking for something short term rather than a real relationship. The place that you suggest for a first in-person date can also help here – opt for somewhere public, rather than proposing a meeting in one of your homes, so that the other person can tell you want to spend quality time really getting to know them.