5 Stages of Grieving After a Breakup

Shock, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance are the 5 stages of grief in a relationship breakup​. It’s a tough and emotional time, but leaning on loved ones, looking ahead, and doing the things you love (especially the things you couldn’t do in a relationship) will help you through.

Understanding the Stages of Grief in a Relationship Breakup

The breakdown of a relationship can feel like a death in the family. That sounds like an exaggeration, we know, but if you speak with someone who has recently gone through a breakup after spending many years with their partner, that’s what they’ll tell you.

It makes sense.

It’s a significant change that will result in the loss of a significant person in your life. They go from being the closest person in your life to someone you may never see again.

It’s hard, but there is a bright light at the end of that tunnel! You will heal. You will move on. And you will probably become a better person for it. First, though, you need to make it through that tunnel. So, let’s look at the stages of grief in a relationship breakup.

Stage 1: Shock and Denial

First comes shock. You weren’t expecting it. Sure, you knew there were issues, but you had hope that one day everything would improve. It didn’t, and now it’s over.

That loss can be hard to get over.

Rather than accepting what happened, many people enter a state of denial. They refuse that it’s happening and try to continue as normal.

It can be a confusing and emotional time. On the one hand, you have someone who is ready to call it quits and has already had the conversation, while on the other, you have someone suffering from shock and denial who’s pretending that nothing has changed.

Stage 2: Anger and Resentment

When the shock dissipates, anger takes over.

They resent their partner. They may even resent themselves. At this point, they experience heightened emotions, with extreme anger and pain that are often turned outward or inward.

Stage 3: Bargaining and Guilt

If your partner has broken up with you and you find yourself telling them that you can change, you can improve, and you can be a better person, you have entered the bargaining stage.

This can be one of the shortest stages of grief in a relationship breakup, but it’s also the most problematic. The partner may feel guilty and may be convinced to reconnect.

Clearly, it wasn’t working, and the love may have been gone from the relationship. If the breakup is stitched back together after all those issues all that pain and anger, there could be a power imbalance. Even if that’s not the case, it suggests that the two are no longer in love or compatible.

Stage 4: Depression and Loneliness

There is no more outward anger, and the bargaining has stopped. At this point, the emotional roller-coaster is at a low point, and they only feel depressed and lonely.

These feelings can be intense. The loss has hit them hard, and they’re dealing with the fallout in their life. They may struggle with their mental health, at which point a therapist should be considered.

Stage 5: Acceptance and Moving On

The last stages of grief in a relationship breakup are acceptance and moving on. There have been a lot of emotions, a lot of shock, denial, pain, and reminiscing, but it’s over now. The healing can begin.

Coping Strategies for Each Stage of Grief in a Relationship Breakup

If you’re going through the stages of grief in a relationship breakup, here are some ways to cope.

Seeking Support from Friends and Family

Take solace in the relationships you still have. Your friends and family will give you a shoulder to cry on and help you through the grieving process. They will be there through all the stages of grief in a relationship breakup, so let those feelings out!

Remember that they are there for you, even if it feels like they don’t understand at times. So, don’t get angry when your friend says that you need to get over it or your family pushes you to get out of the house. These relationships will help you through, and if you snap at your support group and force them away, you’ll only end up saying or doing something you come to regret.

Engaging in Self-Care Activities

Care for yourself. Look after your personal hygiene and mental health. Take the time to exercise. Not only will it be easier to get through the stages of grief in a relationship breakup, but you’ll be ready to move on much sooner.

Journaling and Expressing Emotions

Writing down your emotions and describing your anger and depression is a good way of letting it all out. This is especially true if you struggle to talk with other people about the grieving process and prefer to keep things to yourself.

Professional Counselling or Therapy

A therapist is there to help with all struggles, including the stages of grief in a relationship breakup. Some people mistakenly believe that a breakup is not serious enough to warrant professional counselling, but if it is causing you difficulties, that’s exactly what it’s there for.

Setting Boundaries and Establishing Healthy Habits

Keep your distance from your ex if they are causing you immense sadness and you’re struggling to sever ties. If the healing process would be shorter and easier without them, set boundaries.

Do whatever works best for your emotional health and whatever helps you to heal.

Healing and Growth After a Relationship Breakup

Once you’ve been through the stages of grief in a relationship breakup and have found your feet, it’s time to explore some new opportunities. You’re a different person now. A better person. So, see what’s waiting for you out in the world!

Rediscovering Yourself and Your Passions

As difficult as the end of a relationship can be, it often gives us a chance to experience a life we left behind many years earlier.

Life changes in a serious, committed relationship. We have other responsibilities and hobbies. We change our interests to match those of our partner and sacrifice some of the things we like to make more room for them.

Now that the relationship is over, it’s time to rediscover those passions and find some new ones!

Embracing Change and New Beginnings

Don’t cling onto the sadness. Don’t spend your time leafing through photo albums and thinking about what you’ve lost. Focus on the fact that the grieving process is over and you have more experiences and relationships ahead of you.

You can be anyone you want. You can also be with someone new. It doesn’t even have to be a serious relationship. You can just have some fun meeting new people on a dating app. This is a fantastic opportunity to start a new adventure!

Reflecting on Lessons Learned

As you go through the stages of grief in a relationship breakup, you’ll likely transition from times when you blame yourself to times when you blame your ex-partner.

It was either all their fault or all yours. And they might be feeling the same way, turning the pain of a breakup into a messy “he says/she says” that just devolves into bickering.

The reality is that it was probably a bit of both. And now that you have that experience behind you, you can assess it logically and think about what you’ve learned.

Did you take them for granted? Did you stop being intimate? Were you too jealous? Did you spend too much time with friends or at work and not enough time with them?

Opening Yourself Up to Future Relationships

You might have trust issues. You probably have some mental scars. As a result, you won’t be as accepting of new people and new opportunities. But you shouldn’t let previous relationships define new ones.

The right person is out there, and while you might encounter a few of the wrong people trying to find them, it’s all part of the journey!

Finding Closure and Peace in Moving Forward

You might not experience the same stages of grief in a relationship breakup. They won’t necessarily appear in the same order, either. But whatever you feel and however you deal with it, everything ends with acceptance and moving forward.

As intense as they are right now, those feelings will fade, those heightened emotions will lessen, and you’ll be back on track before you know it.

Take solace in your friends, use them for support, and start looking forward and not back.

Conclusion

The stages of grief in a relationship breakup don’t look the same for everyone, but most experience moments of denial, anger, bargaining, and depression, followed by acceptance.

If you’re grieving following a breakup, seek support from loved ones, talk to a professional therapist if that doesn’t work, and practice self-care at all times.

It may not feel like it now, but one day you’ll look back at this moment and will be thankful for the strength that you found to begin a new chapter in your life.

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