Why You Should Consider No Contact with Your Ex

A breakup is hard on both parties. Whether you’re the one severing ties or the one having their heart broken, there’s going to be some changes in your life and it can be difficult to deal with them.

Oftentimes, the best solution for long-term healing is to cut contact with your ex in the short term. It seems like a drastic move, but breaking contact will allow you to focus on self-improvement, after which you can let them back into your life. There are a few other benefits as well, and it’s those we’ll discuss here.

Understanding the Reasons Behind the Breakup

Before you think about healing and moving on, you should address why the relationship ended. There is never a single reason for a relationship to end, just as there is rarely only one person at fault. It could be that you just drifted apart. It could be that you forced them away by comparing them to your ex. Some of the most common reasons include:

• Trust issues
• Differences in priorities or expectations
• Communication breakdown
• Abuse or mistreatment
• Jealously or cheating
• Financial issues

Emotional Healing After a Breakup

Once you’ve found the thing that ended the relationship, you can think about the next steps.

Importance of giving each other space

It doesn’t matter how much you love them or how much you want to be with them, you need to give them space. Don’t text them day and night. Don’t try to call them or harass them on social media. Whether you want to mend the relationship or completely break contact, the first step is to give both of you time to heal.

Emotional independence

If you were together for a long time, you may be dependent on them for emotional support. They were your friend, your confidant, and now they’re gone. It’s important, therefore, to create some emotional independence and ensure that you’re not always one social, professional, or personal disaster away from jumping back in their arms.

Building resilience

The first few days are always the hardest. The wound is still fresh. Even if you were the one to break it off, it can be tough. So, try to stay strong and resilient, and keep your mind on other things.

Practical Steps to Implement No Contact

Once you’ve figured out the hows and whys of the break up, it’s time to bite the bullet and break contact.

Cut off communication

To stand a chance of the no contact rule working, you must cut contact completely. It doesn’t have to be forever and you can reconnect at a later date when you have both healed. That means:

• No text messages
• No social media messages
• No calls
• No vague, passive-aggressive social media posts

Erase digital presence

Do you have a picture with your partner as your Facebook cover image? Do they feature prominently on your Instagram? If so, you must remove these images and ensure you’re not looking at them every time you pick up your phone.

Avoid common hangouts and mutual friends

You can still see mutual friends but should avoid doing so when your ex is with them. By the same token, stay away from places where they are likely to go, such as local bars.

Dealing with Urges to Reach Out

There will be times when you feel like reaching out, whether it’s because you’re alone and emotional or a little tipsy. But you must stand firm.

Self-care strategies

Spend some time on yourself. Do the things you enjoy and the things that make you feel good. It may also help to keep a diary, giving you an outlet for all of those feelings of frustration and hurt.

Getting support from friends and family

You will need some emotional support, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. You had your partner to lean on in the past but don’t have them now. So, look to your friends and family for support and contact them in your weakest moments, as opposed to your ex.

Engaging in new hobbies or activities

Your life may have been intertwined with your partner for many months or years. You probably shared hobbies and activities with them, and doing those things now will make you think of them. So, get out there and try something new.

Finding a new hobby to invest your time and emotions is often the best way to bounce back from a broken heart.

Benefits of No Contact with Ex

Does contact breaking work? Will going contact free put you on a better path and help your self-improvement and psychology? In most cases, yes. Here are some benefits of following the no contact rule:

• Personal growth: The independence you gain and the newfound space you have provides a chance for personal growth. You’re in charge of your own future.
• Chance to reassess the relationship: Following this rule is a great opportunity to reassess the relationship, giving you a chance to figure everything out.
• Emotional stability: Maintaining contact following a breakup can create emotional wounds. There’s a lot of anger and frustration flying around. Going “no contact” creates emotional stability.
• Potentially getting your ex back: Following the no contact rule isn’t just about moving on. It’s also about giving you and your ex some time to heal and figure things out. Who knows, it could even lead to you getting back together. If not, there are plenty more single women and single men in the dating pool.

Risks and Difficulties of No Contact with Ex

There are some potential issues with contact breaking that you need to consider and ensure you’re adequately prepared for:

Loneliness and nostalgia

Looking back, there will be times when the relationship seems like the best thing ever and times when it seems like the worst. Nostalgia may warp your perception, so focus on the reality—remember the good and the bad.

Mutual agreements

Kids, mutual friends, and a mutual workplace can complicate things, but it doesn’t mean you can’t go “no contact”. Keep it professional. Do and say the bare minimum and be courteous without being personal.

Misinterpretation from your ex

There’s a chance that your ex will misunderstand your intentions, perhaps assuming that you hate them or even taking your politeness to mean you’re ready to talk again. If so, you should make it clear that you need time and space to think things over.

Coping Mechanisms and Tools for No Contact

The following methods and tips can help you through the difficult no contact period:

• Exercise and well-being practices: Exercise is good for both the brain and the body.
• Therapy and counselling: A therapist will talk you through your issues and help to provide some clarity.
• Mindfulness and meditation: Mindfulness meditation and yoga are great for balancing yourself and creating emotional stability.
• Self-help books and resources: There are a number of books and online resources that can help, including our very own blog, which is packed with expert dating and relationship advice.

Conclusion

Type “Should I contact” into Google and you’ll see that the top query is “Should I contact my ex?”, followed by time-related searches like “Should I contact my ex after 1 year?”. It’s clearly a question on the minds of a lot of broken-hearted daters.

Unfortunately, there is no predefined timeframe. You can follow the no contact rule until you feel like you have healed, whether that means you’ve moved on or have fixed the issues that caused a rift in the relationship. Only you will know how long that takes.

Of course, there are exceptions, and if the relationship was abusive or they cheated on you, it could be best to break contact forever. After all, it can take a long time to get over someone, so why would you want to prolong that?

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