How Do I Know He's the One? Recognising Your Soulmate

Whether they call him a soulmate, Mr. Right, or “the one”, the idea that there is a perfect man out there is one shared by many. But life isn’t a romcom. The perfect man, if he eventually arrives, won’t be ushered on a wave of angelic music.

So, how do you know if your current man is your soulmate and future husband? What signs should you be on the lookout for?

Understanding the Concept of “The One”

Plato once wrote that all humans were created from two halves before Zeus split them in half as punishment. Since then, they have been wandering the earth looking for their other half.

This is one of the earliest recorded instances of “the one”, but it’s one that exists in many cultures and it has served as the basis for countless romantic stories.

The idea is that we all have a perfect person out there and we are destined to be with them. However, the concept has also been used to loosely refer to people who are perfect for you. So, a guy might be “the one” in the sense that you want to settle down with them, and not necessarily in the cosmic “two-halves-becoming-one” sense.

Myth vs Reality: The Truth About Soulmates

A surprising number of people believe in soulmates. In a 2021 YouGov poll, 60% of people surveyed said they believe in soulmates and women are more likely to believe than men. It seems that we’re hardwired to believe that there is a perfect person out there and that we’re meant to be together.

It likely stems from the romantic stories we’ve been fed from TV, movies, and books, but it may also come from our own experiences and desires. If you’ve had a succession of failed relationships, you’ll likely hold out hope that “the one” exists somewhere and you’re just biding your time until you meet him. If you’re already with your soulmate, these beliefs likely stem from the strong connection you have with that person, a connection that may have happened instantly and was mutual.

Whether or not it’s true that there is one perfect person out there for everyone, what is true is that some people are such good matches and have such good chemistry that their meeting can seem magical.

Key Signs He’s The One

You’re dating a man who seems to be perfect, but is he really all that special, and more importantly, is he your soulmate? Look out for these signs.

He listens and communicates effectively

Does he listen to you and communicate with you, or does he constantly look like he’s waiting for the moment he can interrupt? A lack of communication and attentiveness might seem minor early in a relationship, but in the long term, it will drive you around the bend. If he’s the right man for you, he should make you feel happy and valued, and you won’t feel that way if everything you say goes unnoticed.

Respect and trust: the foundation of your relationship

Do you trust him? Does he make you feel safe at all times? Would you trust him to spend time with someone he could potentially be attracted to, without worrying that he’ll instantly cheat on you? If you want all the big stuff (marriage, family) then trust is essential.

Shared values and life goals

You should share key values and goals in life. That doesn’t mean that you have to agree on everything and have exactly the same desires, but if you want multiple kids and a quiet house in the country and he wants no kids, city living, and nightly parties, you have a problem.

Mutual support during life’s ups and downs

A couple should support one another and help each other through life’s challenges. So, if you don’t get any support from him and don’t feel 100% safe and secure in his presence, it’s a red flag. Mr. Right will have a hero instinct when it comes to Mrs. Right. He doesn’t need to be a knight in shining armour, but he should definitely want to protect you and ensure you’re happy at all times.

You’re yourself around him—and it feels great

You don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone who you can’t be yourself around. If you find yourself doing things and saying things you’re not comfortable just, just to avoid displeasing him, he’s probably not Mr. Right. We all want to impress our partners, especially early in a relationship, so it’s normal to be a little reserved and to present the best version of yourself. But it’s not normal if you’re doing that because he doesn’t like the real you.

The role of physical and emotional intimacy

Is the sex just ‘okay’? Is it worse? That doesn’t sound like Mr. Right. You need physical intimacy as well as emotional intimacy, and that will become more apparent as the relationship goes on. If he makes you feel comfortable outside the bedroom and alive inside of it, those are the early signs that you’re onto something (and someone) special.

Practical Considerations When Deciding if He’s the One

Consider the following to make sure he’s the one and you’re not just trying to convince yourself of the fact.

Lifestyle compatibility: from living situations to finances

Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be. If he lives a thousand miles away and neither of you is in a position where you can move, ask yourself if it’s worth it. You can have fun and make it work until it doesn’t, but sometimes life just gets in the way and makes relationships too complicated.

Lust vs love

The intense passion you feel when you first start a relationship is lust, and it can be mistaken as love. Love is built on a foundation of trust and respect—you want to have sex with them, sure, but that’s not the only thing that matters. The day the lust goes, will you still feel so strongly about him?

How your friends and family feel about him

Have your friends and family fallen for him as much as you? Every disastrous relationship story usually begins ‘everyone warned me, but I never listened’. You think you know him better than they do, so you don’t listen. And that’s true, but their judgment is also clear and not clouded by lust and the need to find a soulmate. So, listen to your loved ones and heed what they say—don’t simply accept the good and ignore the bad.

Taking note of red flags

It’s hard to see red flags when you’re wearing rose-tinted glasses, and once you fall in love, you’ll be wearing those glasses every day. Look out for red flags, as well as signs that he’s only interested in one thing and doesn’t want anything long-term.

Deciphering between fear and intuition

It’s not only lust that clouds your judgment. You may also have a fear of commitment, in which case that fear could twist your judgment and make you flee even though you’re onto something.

Seeking Advice and Wisdom

Get help when you need it. You might not always be able to see the truth of the situation, but others can.

• What relationship experts have to say: Unsurprisingly, relationship experts generally don’t subscribe to the idea of a soulmate, but they do acknowledge that some people connect so perfectly that it can seem magical. They also warn about letting ideas of soulmates cloud your judgement.
• Ask family and friends: Friends aren’t always helpful, and we don’t just mean the kooky ones that insist on checking the Zodiac signs or reading tea leaves to see if he’s ‘the one’. They want you to be happy, and if you’re asking them leading questions (‘he’s perfect, isn’t he?’) they’ll probably tell you what you want to hear. So, ask for their honest opinions and tell them what they need to know about him (good and bad).
• Learning from the relationships around you: Consider the disastrous and successful relationships around you and compare them to your own. It may tell you what you need to know.

Conclusion: How Do I Know He’s the One?

If you’re here because you’re wondering ‘How do I know he’s the one’, you’ll hopefully have a pretty good idea by now. The business of love is complicated, and the waters are muddied further by lust and the ideologies drummed into us by countless romcoms. The most important takeaways from this article are:

• Your judgment won’t always be clear. You might want him to be Mr. Right and that could lead you to believe that he is. Try to be honest with yourself.
• Soulmates probably don’t exist, and if you have found a great man, does it really matter if he’s the one you were destined to spend the rest of your life with?

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