Forget about dull and overused questions. When was the last time you got excited or intrigued by someone asking you how many siblings you have? If you want to lure someone in and hold their attention on a dating app, you need some better questions, and that’s what we’ll look at here.
Essential Questions to Break the Ice
Asking a guy or a girl on a date can be daunting, even if you’re doing it behind a screen. But it gets a lot easier once you break the ice with something funny or interesting:
“What hobbies would you like to share with a partner?”
If you’re partaking in some divorced dating or just dating later in life, there’s a good chance that the people you meet will have recently developed a hobby they haven’t been able to share with anyone. Most people throw their energy into new hobbies when they are newly single. They may have also had a hobby that their previous partner wasn’t interested in. So, asking them this question will intrigue them, especially if you follow it by showing an interest in what they say.
“What’s your favourite memory from childhood?”
Get them talking about their childhood to cheer them up and allow you to explore a side of them that others won’t always see.
“If you were to make a dinner reservation for us, where would it be?”
It’s good to ask hypothetical questions, but it’ll also give you an idea of what they like. If they happen to choose something nearby and within your price range, you can always make a reservation down the line.
Deep and Thought-Provoking Questions
Get them thinking and you’ll hold their attention and ensure they don’t get bored.
“What values are most important to you in a relationship?”
If you have similar values, express them; if you don’t, it could be a red flag and a sign that they are not for you.
“How do you define success in life and relationships?”
A good way to determine what it is that they want while also telling you what stage they are at in their lives.
“What book or movie character do you most identify with?”
Always a great first date question as it lets them open up about their likes and personality traits. Deep down, we all love talking about ourselves.
Fun and Quirky Questions for a Light-hearted Chat
Online dating is supposed to be fun, and making jokes also helps to break the ice:
“If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?”
A question that everyone can answer but not everyone has considered.
“What would your dream superpower be and why?”
Fun, but insightful. Did they choose invisibility because they are anxious and introverted? Did they choose strength because they place a lot of value on physical strength?
“What’s the most amusing adventure you’ve ever been on?”
They will either tell you about a great vacation/adventure or something random and amusing. Either way, it gets them talking.
Getting to Know Their Lifestyle
The goal isn’t always about breaking the ice and putting them at ease. You’re on a mission to learn more about them.
“What does your ideal weekend look like?”
Are they into hiking and outdoor adventures or do they prefer having a few drinks at home with a friend? It’s an easy way to learn how extroverted/introverted they are without openly asking them.
“How do you prefer to balance work and personal life?”
Always good to know if you plan to become part of that personal life in the future.
“What’s the last thing you did that made you feel proud or accomplished?”
A good way to get insights into their main motivations in life, as well as whether they value friends, love, and family over money and success.
Understanding Their Relationship Goals
Whether it’s Match, Tinder, Ourtime, or any other dating site, it’s important to know you share the same goals as the people you’re dating.
“What motivated you to join this dating app?”
Read between the lines, as they might just tell you what you want to hear.
“How do you envision a perfect relationship?”
Do they want kids? Do they expect to spend every waking minute with you? Do you want the same things as them?
“Can you share your thoughts on trust and communication in a partnership?”
Trust is a big deal in a relationship, and it’s often built on a foundation of open communication. Learn where they stand on these issues, making sure there are no red flags that might indicate an extremely jealous/obsessive person.
Questions to Spark an Emotional Connection
Now it’s time to create an emotional connection and take things a little further.
“What moments in life have shaped you the most?”
We have all had moments like this, yet we rarely talk about them. You could be one of the only people they have told, thus creating a unique connection.
“What is your definition of love?”
Do they see it as a deep emotional connection or something built on lust? Do they believe in love at first sight, soulmates? All of these things are good to know.
“How do you show care and affection in a relationship?”
Knowing how they show love will help you to determine how much they like you when you eventually meet. It also means you can reciprocate, either keeping your distance if they are shy or getting close if they are tactile.
Personal Interests and Passions
We all love talking about our passions, and we love it more when we find someone interested in hearing about them and even someone who has similar passions.
“Which causes are you truly passionate about?”
You might learn, for instance, that they have a passion for animals, which would be a great time to mention your pets, especially if they are rescues!
“What’s one hobby you’ve always wanted to try and why?”
You could always try it together!
“Do you have a favourite quote or mantra that you live by?”
Don’t just respond with a quote of your own. Comment on their quote or mention something interesting about the person who said it.
Safety Tips and Red Flags
You should always be on the lookout for red flags and can also ask questions about them, but there is a time and a place.
Opening up with “Have you met any psychopaths on here?” is not the best way to break the ice, and if you keep asking them for recommendations regarding red flags to look out for, they’ll start thinking you are one. What you can do, however, is ask them about their bad experiences with dating and then share your own. It suggests to them that you’re one of the normal ones—you’ve both had bad experiences and now you’re ready for something better.
Tips for Creating Engaging Conversations
While questions like the above are a fantastic way to lead the conversation and keep things fun and interesting, they shouldn’t drive all of the conversation. You’re not interviewing them, so don’t simply reel off the questions like they’re applying to work for your company.
Respond to their answers, provide some insights of your own, and try to keep the conversation flowing.
When the time is right, ask them if they would like to take things to the next step with a date. You will know them a little more by then and will be armed with some useful information, so it should make the date a lot more comfortable for you.
Conclusion: Building Meaningful Connections
Every dating app user has received a message along the lines of “Hey”, and many of you will have sent them. It would be nice to think that a single word is all it takes to unlock the keys to the heart of a single man or single woman, but that’s rarely the case. And even if it does elicit a response, it’s probably going to be just as laconic.
Say something meaningful, something interesting, and once you have their attention, lock it in with one of the above questions. They’ll help you to impress your match and could seriously improve your dating game.
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