How Long Should You Date Before Becoming Boyfriend/Girlfriend?

When does ‘seeing someone’ become an official relationship? At what point do you stop just ‘dating’ and start calling them your boyfriend or girlfriend?

If you’re asking yourself these questions, you’re not alone. Has dating become complicated? You now have to navigate stages like ‘casual’ and ‘exclusive’. What do these terms even mean for you?

Introduction: Understanding the Journey from Dating to a Committed Relationship

To some people, dating is simple. You meet someone. You like them. You’re dating. But these days, there are an increasing number of lines being drawn in relationships, with terms like “casual” and “exclusive” defining which stage you’re at.

Defining “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” Status

You are someone’s boyfriend or girlfriend when you are romantically involved with them. There isn’t a specific point in every relationship when this occurs though, and it’s not a term that everyone uses. Just because they don’t refer to you as their boyfriend/girlfriend doesn’t mean they don’t feel as strongly for you as you do for them. Some people prefer to use terms like “partner”. This is especially true for older people who find the terms somewhat juvenile.

The Significance of Dating Duration Before Commitment

Jumping in head-first and calling them your boyfriend/girlfriend after the first date might scare them away. It suggests a level of commitment that they might not be comfortable with. It also limits your options. You barely know that person—what happens if you find out that they’re not for you? They might be a terrible kisser or really bad in bed. You might discover a massive red flag that you overlooked in the beginning.

Give yourself time to date them, get to know them, and explore your options. When you start spending a lot of time with them and are comfortable with them, you can give them the boyfriend/girlfriend tag and start thinking about the future.

When this happens will depend on you, as well as how much time you spend on them. If they were a close friend before and you always had a good connection, it could happen within a week or a month. If you’re in a long-distance relationship and don’t spend a lot of time together, it could take many months.

Factors That Influence When to Make Your Relationship Official

A few things influence when it’s the right time to make things official and start calling them your boyfriend/girlfriend:

Age and Maturity

Dating has changed a lot in the last couple of decades. Older generations are a little more straightforward when it comes to the boyfriend/girlfriend question. Typically, if you are seeing someone on a regular basis and having sex, they are your boyfriend or girlfriend. You don’t need to talk about it. It’s just assumed. The same is true for many younger daters, but they tend to prefer labels and want to be clear when they consider a relationship to be casual and when it has become exclusive.

Your age may also dictate how quickly you want things to go. If you’re older and have had many relationships, you’ll probably want things to go quickly. You’ve met your fair share of time wasters, so you want to be clear. Younger people are still finding themselves and usually have more patience when it comes to dating.

Relationship Goals and Expectations

Some people aren’t looking for anything long-term. Finding a boyfriend/girlfriend is not important to them. They just want a fling and a good time. That’s not to say that they won’t change their mind if they find someone special, but lots of people in the dating pool are not looking for anything serious and don’t use labels.

Quality of Time Spent Together vs. Quantity of Dates

Counting up your dates is not the best way of determining if it’s time for the boyfriend/girlfriend label. It’s more about the quality of the time that you spend together. If you find that you’re constantly struggling to find things to say and the relationship is all about sex, you might not be ready; if you keep getting lost in one another’s eyes and the conversation flows freely, you’re ready.

Emotional Connection and Trust Development

If you feel a strong connection to that person and sense that they feel it too, you’re ready. Good relationships are built on trust and a deep emotional connection. If those things are there, you’re probably already boyfriend and girlfriend, you just don’t know it!

Cultural and Societal Expectations

Sometimes, couples give each other labels because they think it’s expected of them. Oftentimes, the first time people use the words boyfriend/girlfriend is when they’re introducing their other half to a friend or family member. It’s easier to call someone your girlfriend than to say, “This is the person I am dating right now”.

The Role of Communication in Defining the Relationship (DTR)

Communication is key in a relationship, especially in the early stages when those discussions help you to define expectations.

How to Approach the “DTR” Conversation

The Define the Relationship discussion or “DTR” occurs when you sit down with your partner and discuss the relationship. It’s awkward and you’re going to be anxious, but it’s an important discussion that will shape your future together.

The best way to approach this discussion is just to dive in. Wait until you are alone with your partner and then ask them if you can chat. Be straightforward. Don’t leave room for ambiguity. Tell them how you feel, ask if they feel the same, and let them know what you want and expect going forward.

As noted previously, some people just naturally assume they have a boyfriend/girlfriend. If you think this is true of your partner, making things official could be as simple as casually introducing them as your boyfriend/girlfriend and gauging their reaction.

Signs It’s the Right Time to Discuss Your Relationship Status

There’s a good chance you’re reading this article because you were Googling questions on exclusivity and when to call yourself a boyfriend/girlfriend. If that’s the case, you’re ready for the DTR discussion. It suggests that you’re close to them, have strong feelings for them, and want some stability. You need that label because it would put your mind at ease and make your life easier.

If that’s not the case, the right time is usually when you feel strongly for them and don’t want to be with anyone else. That could occur days, weeks, or even months after meeting them. It varies, but you will know when the time is right.

The Impact of Social Media on Relationship Dynamics

Social media has complicated the relationship dynamic somewhat. At what point do you change your relationship status or start posting pictures with your partner? Well, that’s on you, but it’s usually after you’ve spent a lot of time together and are comfortable with them. Social media might even give you the answers you seek. If you’re wondering where you are in your relationship and then they post a picture of you announcing you as their boyfriend/girlfriend, you have your answer.

Creating Healthy Foundations for Your Relationship

Once you establish your role in the relationship, it’s time to work on the next steps. Good relationships are built on mutual trust, so don’t let the green-eyed monster overwhelm you when they spend time with friends/co-workers, and be very wary if they start telling you who you can and can’t be friends with.

Set boundaries and maintain individuality. If they get a little too obsessive and possessive, let them know that you’re not comfortable with it. If it doesn’t stop or gets worse, leave—it will only end in tears!

Conclusion: The Unique Nature of Every Relationship’s Timeline

Ultimately, where you are in the relationship and how you get there will depend on your feelings, as well as those of your partner. Whether or not you’re ready to call yourself their boyfriend or girlfriend will depend on how strongly you feel for them and whether you can envisage spending a lot of time with them.

It’s always best to get these things out in the open, though. Have the DTR conversation—a key relationship step—and tell them how you feel, even if it makes you anxious.

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