How Long Does It Take to Fall in Love? A Scientific Exploration

Love at first sight doesn’t exist. It’s a myth, and it’s one we have previously discussed at length, so we won’t get into it here. But if it’s not possible to fall in love with someone at first glance, just how quickly can it happen? How long does it take to fall in love, scientifically speaking?

Unravelling the Mystery: The Science of Love

Love is complex. We all experience it in different ways and it has a major impact on every single one of us. Those strong feelings stem from the release of a flood of hormones, impacting everything from our emotions to our judgment.

Whether you’re a man or woman, and whether you’re falling in love for the first time or the tenth time, the following chemicals will drive your feelings:

• Estrogen and Testosterone: These sex hormones are the driving force behind those initial feelings of love. You long for them and want to be with them, and those early days go by in an intense and passionate blur.
• Serotonin and Dopamine: These feel-good neurotransmitters play an important part in the reward centre of the brain. They help to transition from a period of constant sex and lust into one of romantic love.
• Oxytocin: Often known as the ‘love hormone’, oxytocin is released when you hug and cuddle someone. It is also released during orgasms and helps to create strong bonds between a couple.

The Stages of Falling in Love

Experts have narrowed down the feelings of love to three distinct stages. All three of these are needed for true romantic love, which is why lust alone isn’t enough and why love at first sight doesn’t exist.

Limerence

Limerence is the earliest stage of love. It is lust, obsession, infatuation—you can’t get them out of your mind and want to spend every moment with them. It’s euphoric and chaotic. It may feel like you’re not in control and your life revolves around your obsession for the other person. It usually lasts for the first few weeks or even months of a relationship.

Emotional attachment

Also known as the attraction stage, this is when stronger bonds begin to develop and the relationship transforms into something more long-term.

Mature love

The final stage of love is characterised by strong emotional bonds. The two people feel more connected. They are committed to one another and have a relationship built on trust and support.

Measuring Time in Love: The Studies Behind Timing and Affection

A lot of what we know about love and the brain comes from the ground-breaking work of Dr. Helen Fisher. Over two decades ago, the renowned biological anthropologist conducted MRI scans of people experiencing romantic love. Participants were shown images of acquaintances and people who they loved and the latter showed activity in different parts of the brain, including the reward centre.

It means that Robert Palmer could have been onto something all along, as you can potentially be addicted to love, or at least the feelings associated with falling in love. The chemical processes involved with love may also explain why people are so heartbroken when the relationship ends, and why some people shift from relationship to relationship, staying in a constant cycle of love. They’re hooked.

Here are some other interesting facts from Fisher’s work and other research conducted on love

• On average, men say ‘I love you’ earlier than women
• Danger and fear can make people more likely to fall in love
• Being in love and spending time with your loved one may improve your health
• Although sex and love are closely related, the vast majority of people don’t think you need a healthy sexual desire for romantic love

Factors Influencing the Time It Takes to Fall in Love

• Personality traits and attachment styles: How you attach to people and your personality can significantly shape how long it takes you to fall in love. Dependent people may cling to their partner much sooner. They invest more of their time and energy in them and thus fall in love sooner. Independent and extroverted people may play it coy, keeping the other person at a distance and taking longer to fully commit.
• Past experiences and emotional baggage: Our experiences shape who we are as people and they can also have a major impact on the speed at which we fall in love and even our ability to fall in love. If you have been hurt before following a short, whirlwind romance, you may be reluctant to fall in love. If a long-term partner cheated on you, you may place more of an emphasis on commitment and trust and refuse to fully ‘fall’ for them until you can trust them 100%.
• Cultural and social influences on love perception: Love isn’t viewed the same across all cultures. Someone with a very reserved background, for instance, may not be willing to submit to feelings of lust while also keeping their distance physically. This could prolong the time it takes for them to fall in love.

Real Love vs. Infatuation: Identifying the Difference

How do you know if you are in love with someone or just infatuated with them? Well, there are a couple of ways, but the issue with this question is that no one likes to admit that they are just obsessed or infatuated and everyone wants to think it’s love.

Usually, a good sign is whether you trust that person and want to commit yourself to them. Do you see yourself living with them and starting a family? if so, it may be love. If, however, you’re not sure about that and most of your thoughts revolve around sex, it’s probably infatuation.

Infatuated people may be more possessive and less likely to trust. They also want what is best for themselves, as opposed to what is best for the other person. All humans are selfish to a degree. There is a strong element of self-preservation in all of us. As a result, it would be wrong to say that you should only be happy for them if they moved away to take advantage of a new opportunity. Naturally, whether it’s love or infatuation, you’re going to be hurt by the prospect of never seeing them. However, love is usually prepared to wait as it’s more long-term oriented.

Conclusion: Embrace Love’s Unpredictability

Love can feel like both the best thing in the world and the worst, and unless you’re very young or very lucky, you will experience both sides. It’s complicated and it can be very crazy, but it’s a big part of who we are as humans and we should embrace that chaos and unpredictability.

You can’t predict how long it will take for you to fall in love or if it will happen at all. But you can be certain that you’ll be in for a rollercoaster ride, so enjoy the ride.

FAQs: Answering Your Burning Questions on Love’s Timeline

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