The Ideal Number of Dates Before You Should Consider a Kiss

How many dates should you have before going in for a kiss? Should you play it coy and give it until the third date, should you lean in at the end of the first date, or is there a better time?

It’s a question that many men and women have before dating someone new, and in this guide, we’ll help you find the answer.

Understanding the Dating Timeline for Modern Romance

A first kiss is a pretty big milestone in a new relationship. It follows the first date (not always immediately, as we shall discuss below) and it usually precedes an agreement to date exclusively. After that (or sometimes before), the biggest milestone is the first time the couple has sex, followed by meeting family members and settling in.

Beyond that, there could be marriage, kids, and other big commitments. So, it’s safe to say that the first kiss is very important in terms of ticking those relationship boxes.

But it goes much deeper than that. Few people will consider a partner’s kissing ability to be as important as their personality or how comfortable the other person makes them feel, but there still needs to be a spark. If kissing them doesn’t stir up any emotions in you and feels as uninteresting as planting a kiss on a sibling’s cheek, then your relationship could be doomed.

When is the Right Time for the First Kiss?

Surveys suggest that most people think the second date is best for the first kiss. The first date is a little too soon for many. Kissing early can also be complicated—some girls and guys aren’t comfortable with it and there’s a higher chance of it being awkward. As for the third date, while some are happy to wait that long, most are not.

In the end, it’s up to you. Everyone has different boundaries and comfort zones when it comes to intimacy. If you feel like it’s too soon, wait; if you’re in the zone, a first-date kiss is fine too.

Comparing Perspectives: What Do the Experts Say?

Experts stress the importance of feeling comfortable when it comes to a first kiss. They also note that you should consider the person’s culture, as that may influence their expectations. Consent is key, and it’s important to make sure the other person feels safe and unpressured at all times. If you lean in and they lean back, it’s not a sign that you should grab them; it’s a sign that you should call it a night. You don’t need a dating coach to tell you that!

Different Types of First Kiss Scenarios

• The classic end-of-the-night kiss: The date is over. You’re about to say goodbye. It’s time for a kiss, or is it? If they aren’t ready, they’ll probably look like they’re eager to get away and don’t want to linger.
• Spontaneous first kiss: The right moment can strike at any time. You make eye contact. They get closer. You can tell from their body language that they want a kiss. Just make sure you’re not misreading the signs and only seeing what you want to see.
• Planned approach: You arrange for a quiet, romantic meal. You set the scene with music and candles. You get close. If they are receptive to all of these things, they might be happy to let that first kiss happen.
• The non-kiss first date: A non-kissing date always seems like a bad thing, but if it’s a first date, you shouldn’t read too much into it. Maybe they weren’t ready for a kiss. Maybe the mood just wasn’t right. Nerves can also play a big role.

How to Decide When to Kiss on a Date: Key Factors to Consider

• Physical chemistry and attraction: Instead of asking, ‘How many dates before a kiss?’ you should be asking if there is enough attraction there to merit a kiss. If it’s a non-kiss date, it could be because of nerves and timing, as noted above, but it could also be that there’s just no chemistry.
• Emotional connection and comfort level: You should feel comfortable with the other person and know that they are comfortable with you. Not only will it get the relationship off on a consensual footing, but it means you can avoid any messy or awkward mistakes.
• Date setting and environment: Don’t make a passionate first date kiss feel impossible by dragging them somewhere crowded and noisy, or to a restaurant where you both stuff your faces with garlic bread and sticky ribs.

Strategizing the Perfect First Kiss

One of the essential considerations of a first kiss is that you already have some form of physical intimacy with the person, such as a hug or hand-holding. Your first skin-on-skin contact shouldn’t be the moment that your lips touch, as it’ll make you both feel a little awkward.

Start by leaning toward them in a way that doesn’t seem too aggressive. If they are interested, they will mirror your actions, at which point you can make eye contact, and judge whether the timing is right.

That’s really all there is to it. It’s best not to overcomplicate things. Of course, you should also make sure your breath is fresh (or as fresh as it can be) and you remain respectful, not getting too handsy and not being too forceful.

Overcoming Nervousness: Tips for a Confident First Kiss

Feeling nervous is normal. They will be nervous as well. The first thing to know is that you shouldn’t let it bother you too much, as the more you overthink it, the worse it will become.

• Breathing techniques to calm anxiety: When you’re edging toward that first kiss moment, practice deep breathing to slow your heartbeat and calm your nerves.
• Practice makes perfect: Rehearse the moment in your head or in front of a mirror. Practice what you will say and how you will react.
• Use humour to ease the tension: Joking will make both of you more comfortable, taking the seriousness out of the situation and making you less self-conscious. It’ll also be easier to transition into a joke or laugh if the first kiss is a disaster—butting heads, dry lips, etc.
• Do what feels right: If you start thinking that you have to kiss on or after the date, you’ll place yourself under a lot of pressure to get that kiss right. It’ll make you more anxious. Instead, just tell yourself that if it happens it happens and if not…it doesn’t matter. A first kiss can be natural and spontaneous, and when it is, the feeling it gives you will set the tone for the early weeks of your relationship.

Navigating Post-Kiss Dynamics

The night was building to a kiss. It was on your mind throughout. Now it’s over and all of that tension departs. So, what happens now? Well, it depends on the situation.

If you’re saying goodnight, thank them for a wonderful night and depart. There will be more dates and more opportunities, and now you’ve gotten the first kiss out of the way, the others won’t be as nerve-racking. If you’re in a romantic setting and kissing in the moment, see where that moment takes you. Just make sure that everything you do from that moment is with mutual consent.

Conclusion: Finding Your Comfort Zone in the Dating World

The key takeaway from this article is that you don’t need to worry about whether you should be kissing on the first, second, or third date. You shouldn’t bother yourself with what other people do or think. It’s all about doing what feels comfortable and natural. That could mean going in for a passionate kiss halfway through the first date (with consent, of course), or it could mean delaying any kind of physical intimacy until you’ve been on several dates.

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