I have lived with quite a number of women, and I’ve got to tell you something: I was THAT guy that would always move a little too quickly. If I had known then what I know now, I probably would have never moved in with any of them!
Knowing the right time to move in together is key, but how do you know whether you’re ready? These 3 discussion topics should help you work out whether moving in together is a good idea for you and your partner.
You need to know exactly how tidy/untidy they are
One of the things you need to do before you move in with somebody is to go to their house often and look around. Are they clean, are they neat, are there piles of clothes, is everything hidden in the cupboards? How do they like to live, what are their sleeping habits, what are their morning habits?
You want to know about all their habits ahead of time because if you’re Mrs. Neat Freak and he’s Mr. Messy, it’s likely to cause arguments moving forward.
However, this is a very superficial thing that you can work through. The next two become more, I would say, life changing.
What are their television habits?
Yeah, I know, is that life changing? You’re probably thinking that there’s no way in the world television habits can be life changing, but they actually are. If you move in with a TV-aholic, and you’re not a TV-aholic, it’s going to drive you crazy. It’s going to make you see red 24-7.
So you need to get an idea of what their favourite shows are, how often they like to watch TV, and if they’re TV watchers before they go to sleep.
A client of mine never liked watching TV before she went to sleep. When they were just dating, her boyfriend never put the TV on before they went to sleep. When he moved in, that habit kind of crept in and it drove her bananas! She had to buy earplugs because he couldn’t fall asleep without the TV on and she couldn’t fall asleep with the TV on. So either one was having insomnia and getting annoyed, or the other was.
Not life-changing enough? Okay, let’s go to the big thing.
Do you share the same views on life, kids, money, finances, your future, where you want to live, etc.?
These are the things we never like to talk about when we’re in the beginning stages of a relationship. Yet, these are the most important issues to talk about.
I’m sure when you’re reading the others, you were thinking, “those other things are so superficial, I can live with that.” And I’m sure you can, but can you live with somebody who wants to move to the country when you’re a city person? Or you can live with someone whose idea of raising children means taking them to the park every morning when you would rather stay home with them and read quietly?
Talk about whether you want kids in the future, how you want to raise them, what your beliefs are, religion, everything. Talk it all out because it’s better to find this stuff out in the beginning than right before you’re packing your bags.
by David Wygant