The best ways to diffuse an argument
A good row can bring up festering issues and really help to clear the air, but go about it the wrong way and you could end up starting World War Three. Kate Taylor, relationship expert at match.com, gives her advice on the best way to deal with an argument…
Don’t bring up past squabbles
A current disagreement might have pertinent relevance to a vintage row from 2007, but don’t expect thanks for bringing that up. Instead of helping, it will just make your partner feel as if nothing ever truly gets resolved – and they’ll give up trying to fix this one too.
Don’t use tears as a weapon
Crying out of upset or frustration is understandable, but using tears as a manipulation tool is unforgivable – and likely to be unsuccessful. Research shows that men are actually turned off by seeing women cry, meaning he’s likely to be left unmoved.
Talk about your feelings
Men use logic in arguments. You can’t fight logic. Instead, explain how you feel about the topic in hand. His urge to make you happy (and his pride when he does) should help him come your way.
Book in a time to row
Don’t expect a good outcome if you interrupt your man to tell him all the ways he’s wrong/not up to scratch/driving you mad. Instead, open the conversation with: “I need to talk to you about something important – is now a good time?” This respect will make him less likely to become defensive and more likely to be accommodating.
Vote with your feet
If your other half has let you down badly, get away for a while. Even if it’s just for two hours round at a friend’s house. It will give him space to process, and your absence is a far more powerful signal of your anger than a string of furious words.