The best way to chat up a woman is by keeping your mouth shut. Fleeting eye contact and subtle body language say “I’m interested” with far more power and panache than a chat-up line ever could. Get it right, and she’ll be dying to get to know you better.
Psychologists reckon that body language accounts for more than half of our interpersonal communication, and flirting must be the ultimate example of actions speaking louder than words. Most body language is unconscious, but a few tricks will soon put you in control of the messages you’re sending out. Here are 12 wordless ways to get your point across.
1. Give her a double take
Your eyes are the most powerful weapons in your pulling armoury. More powerful than your Audi, or your job, or your story about getting kidnapped by bandits in Peru. She couldn’t care less about the bandits. All she wants is to be so gorgeous that you have to do a double take when you look at her.
Once you’ve intrigued her with your look-and-look-again (your body’s way of saying “hello… HEL-LO!”), it’s up to you to build on it. Not by chatting her up, but with a few more non-verbal signals to drive home the point that she is basically a goddess.
2. Flash your eyebrows
Your eyebrows tend to rise and fall quickly whenever you set eyes on a girl you fancy. You won’t usually notice it happening, but it sends a signal of interest that’s clear enough for her to pick up. Use this to your advantage, and add eyebrows to your flirtation vocabulary.
(Note: raising one eyebrow is funny but not particularly seductive. James Bond proves it: Roger Moore raised one eyebrow, and Sean Connery got the chicks.)
3. Throw her a suppressed grin
A suppressed grin is like your mouth blushing – it says “I like you, and I’m trying to hide it because I’m sensitive and slightly shy, but also slightly cheeky. What are you doing later?”
4. Look her up and down
When your eyes go for a quick wander around her body, you’re giving a deliberate signal of interest. She’ll notice it and enjoy it, and she may start to look you up and down as well.
Don’t spoil it by throwing in a compliment about her “hot body” or any part thereof. You’ll sound like a drunk old man on a bus, and she’ll laugh about you with her friends.
5. Get blinking
When we see something we like, whether it’s a cake, a dress or a gorgeous woman across a crowded room, we instinctively blink more quickly. The other person may recognise it as a sign of attraction, though they won’t consciously know it. An increased blink rate is infectious, so she’ll probably start doing it too. Pretty soon you’ll be a pair of loved-up blinkers.
6. Mirror her moves
We’re all egomaniacs at heart, so we tend to find like-minded people attractive. Our minds read “like-acting” as “like-minded”, so you can forge a connection and express interest by mirroring a girl’s moves and posture. For example if she sips her drink and meets your eye, pause for a moment before doing the same.
7. Give her the gaze diamond
Now we’re moving onto signals that you can send while you’re talking to a girl, but that’s not your cue to launch into chat-up lines and fart jokes. Ask her questions and make reassuring comments, but let her do most of the talking while you keep on sending out those non-verbal signals – such as the “gaze diamond”.
When you’re talking to friends or strangers, your eyes will tend to focus on their eyes and face. But psychologists say that when you’re talking to a woman you fancy, you’ll broaden your gaze to take in a “gaze triangle” of her head and shoulders. We’ve amended this to “gaze diamond” because we can see you looking at her cleavage.
8. Hold her gaze
We respect and uphold your right to look at her boobs, but make it quick. If you really want to beguile a woman, look into her eyes. Holding her gaze while she speaks tells her that you respect and value what she’s saying – and that can be wildly seductive.
9. Smile like you mean it
Mean n’ moody can work in the right context, but this isn’t that context. At this stage, your success depends on showing her that you’re completely enraptured by her company. So smile, and do it a lot, ideally whilst sitting on your hands. A nose-scratch or earlobe-stretch can make your smile look forced and turn your signal from “I’m interested” to “I’m bored.” This is equally true for your profile on dating sites; flash your smile, it’s proven to be more attractive!
10. Relax your lips
Pursed lips express disapproval, and licking your lips makes you look camp. Just let them sit there relaxing while she imagines how nice it would be to snog them.
11. Touch her – within reason
Strangers don’t go around touching each other because it’s an invasion of personal space, but this so-called contact barrier dissolves when active flirting is going on. If you break the barrier by allowing your ankle to touch her leg under the table, or by gently brushing her arm when she gets up for another drink, you’re sending her a strong signal of attraction. If she doesn’t pull away, she’s saying “me too”.