Stop Comparing Yourself To Your Boyfriend’s Ex

When it comes to having a new man in your life, there’s two things every girl should know: one, you are now his new significant other and two, he has an ex girlfriend. So why for the love of all things sane and splendid are you ruining your relationship with the ghost of girlfriends past? Quit comparing yourself to her now – by letting me remind you just how much of a big deal you are.

Exs are exs for a reason

Bringing up the touchy subject of asking why your partner’s previous relationship failed to work out is tricky – but it has to be done nonetheless. By knowing their reasons behind the split, this gives you an insight into their relationship goals. Maybe they were cheated on, and they said ‘enough was enough’ and decided to call it quits. Perhaps they just didn’t see a future with them – but aren’t you the lucky one? By having you in his life, you could be his future. But wait, what’s that noise? That would be the sound of you LIVING IN THE PAST. Meanwhile, Facebook’s News Feed called – it wants your stalk-like searches of his ex girlfriend back.

Same story, different ending

Naturally you’ll share the usual similarities with his ex – things like limbs, chipped nail varnish or even a flutter in your heart when you suddenly spot your favourite Made In Chelsea character crossing the street in front of you. But that’s where the likeness should end. OK, so you both share the same boy but that’s not how you should word it – as sharing implies that you both still have ownership of him. He no longer fraternises with HER, because YOU now own his heart. Look for familiarities all you want – from enjoying the same film to liking a particular hobby, that doesn’t mean you’re a carbon copy of his ex. Because guess what? There’s plenty of other people in the world who are in no way connected to your boyfriend – yet will STILL share these things in common with his ex. Next thing you know, you’re going to start comparing the fact that you and his ex both breathe. Don’t tell me – you’ve already compared this fact. Fine – if it’s tough love you want, then it’s tough love you’re getting.

Comparison is the thief of joy

Does this sound familiar too? Then kudos, as this wise quote comes from former American president, Theodore Roosevelt. Comparing yourself in your love life is traumatising enough, but where will it end? Will you apply this approach to your work? Within your friendship circle? Wasting time comparing the minor details means you’re robbing yourself – and others – of a true shot at happiness. So if there is one thing I hope you can take away from this, it’s that everything happens for a reason. His ex is long gone – so the fact that your boyfriend has now made you his everything? This should be reason enough.