Whether the miles are stretching between you after a whirlwind holiday romance, or you’re starting a new chapter away from your beau, long distance loves are the stuff of dreams and nightmares. It’s hard to get the gears in place for smooth sailing when you’re traversing the seven seas, but if Henry and Claire can make The Time Traveller’s Wife romantic, we’re sure you can avoid these 3 long distance relationship killers.
“Never go to bed angry”
Work things out by bedtime and the Sandman will mend any niggles you have left over. Relationship advice 101: “never sleep on an argument”. And yet with time differences, and opposing schedules how doable is this in a long distance relationship? Long distance relationships are fraught with competing schedules, and when you need to work out an argument before bedtime, you’re just a missed call away from the angry bedtime no-no. You don’t want to be a slave to your mobile, but failing to pick up and make time to talk that one time before the Sandman comes, could be the biggest mistake you make. Work out a system so you are always there if the other person is panicking. One missed call, signals “I just wanted a quick chat”, one missed call and a voicemail equals “need to talk to you”.
“Be Happy Now”
Research has shown that the best way to be happy is to make each day happy. Long distance relationships tend to live in the future, romantically preoccupied with the times they will be together that aren’t right now. Whether it’s putting happiness on hold until the weekend, the end of the course or the new job, it’s not happening now, and that could be damaging both of your long term happiness. Philosopher Deepak Chopra retells that “nurturing relationships are by-products of happiness, not the cause.” If you are always waiting to be happy when.., it will never happen. Take stock and really think about whether you’re happy as things are, or if you’re only happy when thinking of how things will be. It may not be the relationship, but your way of thinking. Respect the little things and tell each other the ways they make you happy. Invest in apps for long distancers such as Couple which lets you know exactly when you’re feeling loved. When you and your partner press your phones with your thumb at exactly the same time, your phones will gently buzz.
“Down-time Crisis Theory”
Maybe you are amazing at your long distance loving. When you visit you make every second count: dinner in the restaurant you’ve been eyeing up for months, day trips and big parties, what’s not to love? The down-time crisis theory proffers that you need to have low stress time and high stress time together to really get to know one another. The time you spend together is a kind of alternate reality you. Sure you get on great when you’re on a perpetual date, but what’s it like when you’re just hanging in front of the TV and doing the washing up? Long distance loves can be fun for prolonging the honeymoon period, but schedule in some ‘downtime’ schedule-stripped weekends to ground your relationship and avoid any unmet expectations when you finally are ‘together’.