How to cope with a jealous partner

Here’s how to keep your cool if your partner gets an attack of the green-eyed monster
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Time for a chat
First things first; take a deep breath and ask your partner to explain why they’re behaving jealously. It might be that their last partner cheated on them and they’re feeling vulnerable. Or maybe they don’t feel they’re worthy of you. Or perhaps they’re just really pessimistic and feel everything good in life is destined to fail. Whatever the reason, talk openly. Once you know what the problem is, you can start to resolve it.

Stand your ground
This is a tricky one to master, especially if you’re early on in a relationship and don’t want to cause friction and arguments. But try to calmly acknowledge your loved one’s fears – even if they are founded in fantasy – then assert your feelings about the matter. Don’t be afraid to let them know how their accusations make you feel – they may not even realise how their actions affect you, but you telling them directly can leave them in no doubt.

Plus one
Jealous partners often can become fixated on one person in their lover’s life they think they’re seeing behind their backs. Rid them of this notion by inviting them along to the pub with your new workmates, or to lunch with some old school friends who you haven’t seen for ages but who you’ve been talking about a lot recently. Let your partner see that you have nothing to hide.

Allow me to introduce myself…
Whether it’s a family birthday gathering or a boozy Sunday lunch with old friends, be sure to introduce your other half as your partner, not just with their name. They’ll see you’re proud to be with them, and want to tell it to anyone you meet. It’s important to involve them in any conversations too, and try not to peel off into deep discussions with just one other person from the group.

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You’re so great
Jealousy is a troublesome emotion. It can slowly creep up even on the most robust of us, and quickly take away feelings of confidence and self-worth. Remind the special person in your life of the unique qualities that you so love about them. Their jealousy might have nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own low self-esteem.

Flirting with danger
Winks, arm rubs and knee clenches all have their places, and it’s easy to think of them as ‘just friendly’. But however harmless your actions are to you, when your partner observes you lavishing them on your mates, they may feel otherwise. You don’t have to lose all your affection with your pals, but just try to save all your big kisses for the one special person in your life.

Shine a light
Without being aggressive, show your partner how many times they’ve called and text you. They may not realise how overbearing they’re being and seeing a long list of received calls from them hassling you might just help them realise they need to back off. We all know how we can sometimes act strangely in the heat of the moment (who hasn’t devoured too many Celebrations chocolates then looked in horror at the rising wrappers?) and it’s only when someone points it out that we realise how far we’ve gone.

Time together
Sometimes life can get in the way of relationships, and when you’re busy worrying about family, friends and work, it’s easy to take your partner for granted. Perhaps your partner being jealous is simply because they miss hanging out with you and resents the time you spend with other people. Make sure you let it known that you need to have hobbies and friends away from them, but it’s not because you don’t want to see them. Balance it out by slotting in some quality time with them every week.

Crossing the line
There’s being reassuring and working out your boundaries, then there’s being downright controlling. If your partner moves from ‘showing an interest’ to dictating what you do, who you do it with and what you wear to do it in, it’s time to seriously question them. You had a life and interests before they were on the scene and there’s no reason for you to lose all that simply because you’re loved up. Go with your gut instinct, and if you ever feel trapped or threatened; walk away.
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