How to meet your very own Christian Grey

Can’t wait for the 50 Shades of Grey movie to be released? Want to find that same level of passion and excitement in your own life? It’s all about discovering how to connect with your partner, says match.com’s relationship expert Kate Taylor.

All over the UK, men were watching, baffled, as women missed their bus stops, bumped into lampposts and let their coffee grow cold as they ferociously devoured the 50 Shades of Grey trilogy. The book sold over 20million copies and actually makes up a massive 20 per cent of all the adult printed fiction sold since its release. Now the release of the film is on the horizon and women everywhere are frantically booking tickets to see the 50 Shades of Grey movie on Friday 13th February. It’s not only books and film tickets that have been sold, sales of bondage equipment like rope and novelty handcuffs have rocketed, indicating that women in the UK do like it hot.

If you haven’t yet read the book, the plot is simple: student Anastasia Steele is forced, when her roommate falls ill, to step in and interview rich entrepreneur Christian Grey for the student newspaper. He is young, powerfully attractive and mysterious, and she finds herself unexpectedly shaken by the encounter. She is even more surprised when he begins to pursue her – taking her out for coffee, buying her a laptop and a smartphone so they can stay in touch, and finally introducing her to a world of experimentation she’s never known. (It’s steamy stuff, which is why half of the books’ sales have been in discreet e-book format.)

If you HAVE read the books, there is only one question: “Where can I find MY Christian Grey — the man who will understand me completely, sense my desires instinctively and know, better than I do myself, what I want and need at any moment?”

Here are three tips you can start using today to bring him closer to you.

1. Learn to compromise

Anastasia teaches Christian the power of compromise when she slowly encourages him to let her into his life – firstly in small ways, like letting her sleep in his bed – and later in bigger ways. It’s not easy for a strong-willed character to “give in”, and if you buckle against the idea of compromise, it’s time to question what you want from love.

If you are searching for someone who agrees with you about everything, stop. That person is YOU. There can be only one! A loving relationship should give you things you don’t already have – from a different point of view, through to a variety of new experiences. Someone whose views and opinions complement – but don’t echo – your own is the ideal.

If you already have a partner and find yourself irritable when they express their likes and dislikes, step back. Are there resentments in the relationship? Are issues from the past making it difficult in the present? Counselling is good for solving recurring problems.

2. Open yourself up to new experiences

Anastasia and Christian would never have met if they had continued following their “normal” routine. When Anastasia helps out her friend by agreeing to interview Christian, she suddenly enters a whole new world.

Are you following the same routine every day? Break out! Create an online dating profile, eat dinner in a new restaurant by yourself one evening (sit at the bar – it’s sociable!), sign up for new evening classes…. Do anything that expands your circle of friends.

3. Listen to your physical reactions

When the couple meet, both are surprised by their physical reactions – that sudden sensation that tells them “There’s something here…”. We usually call that moment a ‘spark’ and it only happens when there’s mutual attraction between two people.

To have more chance of experiencing that spark, you have to meet new people. So if you’re online dating, make a point of meeting as many people as you can, face-to-face. You can’t always tell over email whether that magic moment will be there, so once you feel comfortable, aim to get together in person at a time and place that’s right for you.

In your everyday life, be aware of the signals your body sends you in response to people around you – if your heart leaps a little when you see someone in a coffee shop, say hello. Listen to your heart.

If you want to spice up your sex life, read our article How To Talk Dirty by blogger Katy Horwood.