Is He Cheating on Me? Key Signs and What You Can Do

Infidelity is more common than we’d all like. Unfortunately, there are times when things don’t work out and your boyfriend will stray. It’s never your fault simply because there is no excuse for cheating—if it isn’t working out, they should speak with you or leave.

Paranoia about infidelity is even more common. You want to spend your life with that person. You’re in a serious relationship with them. You have all of your emotions and hopes invested in them, so it’s natural that you’ll worry they are having an affair whenever their behaviour changes.

Common Signs of Infidelity: How to Know if He’s Cheating

To help you get to the bottom of things, we’ll discuss how to tell if your boyfriend is cheating. Is he up to no good or is there an innocent explanation?

He becomes overly secretive

Some guys are very personal. They don’t want to show you what’s on their phone or their laptop. It’s theirs, and that’s the way they like it. That’s fine. They are entitled to privacy. But if they never used to be that way and they suddenly get very secretive, it could be a sign they are a cheater.

Changes in his behaviour

Pay attention to his behaviour. Does it feel like he has changed lately? Is he more standoffish and less interested? Sometimes, these changes are related to work and life and don’t mean anything for the relationship. But if nothing else has changed and he is only different around you, it’s a red flag.

He is emotionally distant

Does he engage with you? Does he seem present when you have sex? Or does he seem like he no longer cares and only has complaints and negative comments for you? It could mean he’s having an affair, as he is only interested in the new relationship.

Sudden changes in his appearance

Men in long-term relationships may start to “settle”. They might pay less attention to how they look and dress. They’re not trying to impress you anymore. That’s not unusual. It could just mean they are comfortable with you.

But if he suddenly changes everything about himself, it’s a different story.

As above, this is not always black and white. He might be more confident. Maybe he’s lost weight or got a new job. It’s when nothing else has changed that you should be suspicious.

He spends too much time on his phone

This is a classic sign of a cheating boyfriend. Of course, these days we’re all guilty of devoting too much time to our gadgets. It’s all about where he’s spending time and what his body language is like when he does it. Is he idly browsing social media and news sites and just killing time? Is he playing games? Or is he typing all the time and keeping the phone screen away from you when you look?

He could be sending flirty text messages to other women. He might have another relationship.

Unexplained expenses

In marriages and long-term relationships, a typical sign of cheating is the accumulation of expenses that you can’t place. Your finances are closely tied, and yet he’s spending money he shouldn’t be spending on things you don’t know about. A definite red flag.

Psychological Reasons Why He Might Cheat

We’ve looked at the behavioural and physical signs he’s cheating, and we’ll shortly address what you can do when it happens. But what drives men to cheat in the first place?

Lack of intimacy

A cheating boyfriend may feel like he’s not getting the level of intimacy he wants. There’s never an excuse for cheating, but a need for intimacy (including general affection, as well as sex) may be the reason he starts.

Emotional dissatisfaction

Are you distant? Do you listen to him? Are you there for him? The stereotype of the male brain is one that only focuses on sex and never has time for emotions. But that’s nonsense.

Men need to connect emotionally. They need to feel like they have someone to rely on. They just have different ways of meeting those needs.

Desire for novelty

Unfortunately, boredom is one of the most common reasons for a boyfriend cheating. It’s not about you, they just get led astray by the promise of good times and sex with someone new.

Maybe you had a whirlwind romance leading to a quick wedding and he felt like he didn’t get to play the field enough. Maybe he’s just bored and doesn’t put your feelings first.

Fear of commitment

Some men struggle with commitment and almost self-sabotage when they reach the point when it’s time to commit. It could be rooted in a troubled past, but for many, it’s simply that commitment means it’s time to give up on their youth (free-loving, single life, sex with lots of women) and settle down.

How to Address Suspicions of Cheating

Now that we’ve looked at the signs of a cheating boyfriend and gotten to the bottom of things, how should you move forward? Well, although you might be angry and upset, it’s important to stay calm and remember:

Open communication

Let them know how you feel. Put it all on the table. They might feel guilty. They might not. Either way, it will give you an idea of how to progress.

Seeking professional help

If you want the relationship to continue, seek help from a therapist or couples counsellor. They can help you get through the difficult times and make the relationship work.

Avoid playing the blame game

Don’t let them blame you. It’s not your fault and you shouldn’t feel guilty. At the same time, it might not be all their fault, especially if you have cheated in the past or have done something else to drive them away. Playing the blame game won’t help to mend things.

Understand it’s not your fault

We’ve said it before but we feel it has to be stressed: it’s not your fault. While there might have been some reasons for them having an affair, it is never a justifiable action.

How to Handle Confirmation of Cheating

So, you’ve confirmed it. You have a cheating partner. There is no doubt. Now what?

Take time to process your emotions

You don’t want to rush things and let your emotions control your actions.  Give yourself time to process things. Otherwise, you may react in a way that you later regret.

Reach out to your support network

Contact the people who mean the most to you. Lean on them for support and advice.

Seek legal advice if necessary

If you are tied financially to that person or have children with them, start thinking about legal repercussions if the relationship breaks down.

Evaluate whether the relationship can be salvaged

Can it be saved? Do you want it to be saved? Is it worth it? In the beginning, you’ll be upset. Then angry. Maybe desperation will creep in. Over time, the emotions will disperse and you’ll think about things more logically. Once you reach that stage, consider whether you want the relationship to continue or would be better off with a new boyfriend.

You can always break up and find someone else. You have options.

Expert Guide to Overcoming Betrayal

What would a relationship coach or dating coach say about dealing with the fallout of a boyfriend or spouse cheating? It’s more of what you might expect, with many experts highlighting the importance of:

Accepting the situation

Even after discovering all the signs of cheating, it’s hard to accept. The first step, therefore, is to admit that it’s happening and plan for the next steps.

Forgiving but not forgetting

You can forgive them, but you don’t need to forget. That doesn’t mean you should use it against them every time you get angry (screaming “you’re a cheater” when they refuse to put the bins out), but you also shouldn’t pretend it never happened.

Rebuilding trust

Once you have their explanation, you may determine that the relationship can be saved. From there, it’s all about building trust. Be more open with one another. Address red flags if they appear and ask for transparency.

Setting boundaries

Re-building trust and repairing the relationship is about changing their behaviour and attitude; it’s about whether they feel guilty and still love you, and not about making sure they never have another chance to cheat or questioning every new friend.

However, they need to know that there is a limit. They should stop spending time with the person they cheated with and make sure they are not in a position where they can easily cheat without repercussions.

Conclusion

Ultimately, if you’re asking questions like, “How do you know if your boyfriend is cheating?” it’s because you already have suspicions. Maybe you suspect he’s having an affair. Maybe you’ve seen a few red flags and are seeking confirmation.

You know him. You know what’s normal. You will have a good idea when something is not right. Now that we’ve confirmed the signs he’s cheating and have prepared you for the next steps, it’s all on you. Just remember, keep calm, don’t jump to conclusions, and don’t blame yourself!

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