Finding a Date Online as a Bisexual

Why does online dating feel uniquely challenging when you’re bisexual?

You’re not just swiping; you’re navigating a minefield. Are you on the right platform? Can you trust the person you’re talking to? How do you filter out those who only see your sexuality as a fetish? It’s a tough landscape, but is it impossible to find a meaningful relationship? Absolutely not. Just like the many straight, gay men and lesbian women out there, bisexuals too can find the person they want to share their life with through a dating site.

So what’s the secret? If you’re ready to overcome these obstacles, we’re here to show you how.

How does dating as a bisexual person work?

Given that bisexuals are attracted to men and women, you need to find a partner who understands your choices and doesn’t feel the need to put you in a box. Your partner may or may not share your identity as a bisexual. You could be a woman dating a lesbian and still not be gay/lesbian. Or, you could have a heterosexual relationship and yet maintain your bi identity.

When it comes to online dating, you can declare your identity in your profile or wait to meet your date and share this information with them. The former is usually better. You might get fewer matches but that could work out to your advantage. The people you do match with tend to be more open-minded and secure of their own identities.

First dates are usually eye-openers. Many people view bisexuals as sitting on the fence between being straight and gay/lesbian. You might meet someone who thinks they can ‘bring you over to the other side’.

The good news is, once you find a person who understands and accepts you, dating follows the same patterns as other relationships. You go on a few dates, talk, find and explore shared interests, build trust and so on.

Why is bisexual dating so hard?

In an age where awareness and acceptance around the queer, lgbtq community is rising, it seems strange for bisexual dating to still be so difficult. Unfortunately, bisexuals may be shunned not only by straight people but even by people within the queer, lgbtq community. Bisexuals are often told they’re not “gay enough” or “too straight”.

Why – because you’re different. As human beings, we have been conditioned to define/label/tag people to belong to closed boxes. It’s hard for people to accept that you could choose a lifestyle outside these boxes.

Not being able to understand and accept your choices triggers stereotypes and stigmas. Bisexual women in particular are often seen as only sexual and promiscuous.

Bi Dating: The Ultimate Guide to Finding Your Perfect Match

A recent Pew research study showed that 51% of LGB adults have used dating sites and apps and about a quarter of the partnered LGB adults said they met their match online. So, it’s possible. Now, how can you find a date online?

Pay attention to your profile and where it is published

To get the most out of online dating, you need to first choose the right site/app. As a bisexual individual, this means finding one that includes a “looking for both” tick box. Ensuring that your potential dates know your preferences upfront minimizes the risk of uncomfortable first dates. You may want to include a line in your bio saying that you’re looking for a serious relationship to weed out unwanted attention.

Trust your instincts

As a bisexual, you’re likely to meet people who hypersexualize or fetishize your identity. These are people you want to stay away from. If your gut says no, swipe left without a second thought.

Go beyond good looks

Appearances are important no doubt but swiping right or left based on just a photograph would be a disservice to yourself. When you’re reading profiles, go beyond a superficial glance to get an idea of what the person is like and how likely they are to gel with you. That said, be open to people who have different interests – this may be an opportunity for you to try something new.

Bi Dating Etiquette: Dos and Don’ts for a Successful Relationship

The societal pressure to choose between being gay or straight can tempt you to go back into the closet. But, you worked hard to accept your truth and now you need to live it. Here are a few dos and don’ts to building a successful relationship.

Be honest from the beginning

You’re taking a gamble by adding the word “bi” to your dating profile but the results are well worth it. Maintain that honest approach throughout your relationship. There will be differences of opinion on many matters as your relationship progresses. It is important to be able to honestly share your opinion.

Don’t compromise on your beliefs

Always remember that your identity as a bisexual has nothing to do with the identity of your partner. Compromising on your beliefs to make someone else comfortable is never a good idea. You may end up resenting your partner for it. Instead, know your values and limits and stand by them.

Be open to discussions

If your partner is not bisexual, they might have a lot of questions for you. These discussions are important and you and your partner need to keep an open mind through them. That said, you need to be able to identify when a conversation is going nowhere. You can’t force someone to change their mind.

Overcoming Stereotypes and Stigma in Bi Dating

Some gay and lesbian men/women use the bi tag as a stepping stone to discovering themselves. Unfortunately, this creates stereotypes about bisexuals. You might be dating a gay man and be told, “I was bi too but then I realized I was gay”, “you’ve never had a gay relationship so how can you call yourself bi” or the more condescending “It’s ok to experiment but you’ll need to eventually decide where you stand”.

Another common stigma faced by bisexuals is that they’re “looking for fun”. People assume that bisexuals are promiscuous and non-monogamous. They’re mistakenly assumed to be untrustworthy. But, as you know, bisexuals are more than capable of being in committed relationships.

Overcoming such stereotypes and stigmas comes down to claiming your space and owning it. It may trigger repeated discussions and debates – this is good, the more you talk about it, the more awareness you build.

Breaking down stigmas also requires a supportive community. You need to find people who truly understand you and can relate to what you’re feeling. Talking to your support system can even help you better articulate how you identify yourself.

Building Strong Connections in a Bisexual Relationship: Communication, Trust, and Intimacy

In the end, as with straight and gay relationships, a strong bisexual relationship is one where there is mutual trust and open communication. This gives you a sense of security and gives you confidence in your relationship. Working on trust is important at every stage of a relationship. Here are a few tips that can help.

• Stop overthinking, and share your feelings.
• Rather than make assumptions, ask for clarity.
• Never take your relationship for granted.
• Spend quality time exploring both your interests.
• Set healthy boundaries and respect your partner.
• Compliment your partner often.
• Take accountability for yourself.
• Be willing to say sorry as well as forgive.
• Be consistent in your actions.

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