Do you have feelings for a friend? Here’s how to get out of the friendzone

You have been friendzoned by your crush, now what? Assess the situation and see if there are any feelings/attractions. Then, it’s time for a little flirting. Act like a partner would and see if they reciprocate before you make your move, and tell them how you feel.

What is the friendzone?

The ‘friendzone’ refers to a situation when someone begins developing feelings towards a friend and wants to develop something that goes beyond a friendship. Being stuck in the friendzone usually means that the other person is either unaware of those feelings or, more brutally, doesn’t feel the same way.

This phenomenon can affect people who physically spend time together but also people who meet and chat on online dating websites. It’s not unusual for people who talk online to end up stuck in the friendzone, with factors like a long distance or emotional unavailability coming into play.

Signs that you’re in the friendzone

Before we discuss how to get out from friendzone, let’s ensure you’re actually there and haven’t misunderstood the situation.

Men and women react differently around friends, and some people are more reserved than others, so just because all of the following situations aren’t true doesn’t mean you’re not in the friendzone:

• They turn potential dates into social gatherings: You have a huge crush on a friend and want to take it further, but every time you arrange a ‘date’, they invite another person along and assume it will never be only you and them.
• They dress down for you: The guy or girl doesn’t mind if you see them at their worst, whether they’ve just woken up with morning breath or have sweated through their gym wear after a long workout. If there was a sexual attraction, they would want to look and smell their best.
• They openly talk about their sex life: They could be trying to make you jealous, so general relationship and sex talk isn’t always a sign you’re in the friendzone. But if those conversations include embarrassing moments and stories that don’t paint them in a great light, it’s a bad sign. Don’t worry if they chat about struggling to find a new partner but start to worry if they talk about the time they let rip during a passionate moment.
• They don’t object to getting changed in front of you: It’s easy to see this as a sign of flirting, and it could be, but it’s more likely that they see you as they see their best friend, brother, or sister.
• They have told you that you’re like family: The only thing that’s more of a giveaway than feeling like their sibling is being told you’re like one.
• They talk about how perfect you are for someone else: ‘You’re sweet. You’re kind. You’d make someone very happy’. It’s a good sentence to hear, but not if your crush is the one saying it. If they add ‘beautiful’ or ‘handsome’, there is hope. If they focus on everything else, you’re in the friend zone.
• You’re treated like a partner, but with no true intimacy: If they’re hugging you, stroking your hair, wiping marks from your cheek, and even cuddling, it’s a sign that you’re a close friend. It means they are comfortable getting very close and being affectionate, but know they don’t have to worry about getting excited or misleading you into thinking there’s something sexual going on.

When you have a crush and it isn’t reciprocated, it can be awkward, painful, and heart-wrenching. If you’ve ever been friendzoned by someone you liked, you’ll know how it feels.

But what happens when you can’t deny your feelings anymore, and you’re ready to get out of limbo and pursue a relationship?

Why Getting Out of the Friendzone Is Worth It

Here are our top tips on how to get out of the friendzone, but bear in mind they usually involve taking emotional risks and big decisions…is it really worth it?

When you want to turn your friendship into something more, there’s always a risk of making things awkward or losing the original connection you had with them. That’s why, before you try, you should put your excitement on hold and think carefully and logically to understand if it’s really what you want.

Think about your feelings and trust your heart: if what you’re feeling is genuine and you care deeply about them, the outcome is definitely worth the risk, but if it’s merely excitement or curiosity for what it would feel like to hook up with your friend, we suggest you choose your next steps wisely.

How to Get Out of the Friendzone

You’ve read the above, and now you’re confident that your crush thinks you’re ‘just friends’. That might never change. You might not be a good match, but if you’re close, it suggests they really like you, and attraction or a belief that you don’t like them could be the only thing holding them back.

In such cases, it’s easy to break free and start something more meaningful.

Here’s how to get out of the friendzone:

Assessing the Situation

The first step is to assess where you are in your friendship.

Is there anything that suggests they are interested in you? You might be in the friend zone because they don’t realise you have a crush on them. Maybe they haven’t opened themselves to the possibility that you like them.

Some of the signs they want to take it further include:

• They are hyper-critical of any men or women you date. Secretly, they think they are the only ones who can make you happy.
• They have given you many compliments and often reference your looks.
• They have ‘joked’ about being in a relationship with you. It might have seemed harmless, but they could have been weighing up your response.
• Their relationships have been fleeting and disappointing, or they haven’t had any for a while. It’s secretly you that they want and they’re waiting for you.
• They want to watch romantic films with you.
• They compare you to men or women they have dated, noting that you are better than them in some way.

Making Your Intentions Clear

Just because you’re a close friend doesn’t mean they will be forgiving if you suddenly grab them and kiss them.

Life isn’t a cheesy 1990s romcom.

Be very clear about your intentions and get their full consent before you try anything.

If you’ve only seen a few small signs and don’t know if they like you, test them some more and get some clarity.

How you do this will depend on how comfortable you are with them.

You could, for instance, bemoan your love life and point out that everything would be much easier if you could find someone like them. Alternatively, play a game that forces them to open up or simply ask them probing questions.

We’re gearing up for a big one here, and the more assured you are, the easier it will be to eventually tell them.

Building Romantic Interest

Remain their friend, but show them that you have more to offer.

It’s time to unleash your romantic side!

Find out what their love language is and start speaking that language. If they like men or women who do things for them, be more attentive. If it’s all about deep conversations, loosen your tongue and let them get personal.

Creating Opportunities for More Intimate Interactions

Put yourself in romantic situations, ones where they will be forced to think of you as a potential partner and not just a friend.

Watch a movie together. Go for a meal. Dance. All of these things are acceptable for close friends, but they are also activities that partners do together. The fact that they agree to do these with you is already a good sign, but it could lead to something much more.

Start flirting with them

If you do decide it’s worth the effort, but you don’t feel like confessing your love out of the blue is the best approach, start making gradual changes in your behaviour that will make your friend see you as more than just a friend!

The most obvious thing you can do is to start flirting! This might feel awkward at first, but using small gestures to be more flirty will spark a different type of interest.

For example, holding eye contact for a little longer than usual, finding ways to compliment or make them laugh, and even touching them more (hugging them, touching their hand while you talk, or placing a cheeky hand on their knee) can create a different atmosphere between you.

If you’re chatting on a dating website, get your flirty messaging game on. Be clever, or even suggestive, when using emojis. Just don’t go all out and start bombarding them with aubergine emojis!

Ask flirty questions or reference times when you were or will be together to entice their imagination. Don’t be too over the top or aggressive, though, as you’ll seem unlike your usual self, and they may be uncomfortable.

Find some alone time

In line with being more flirty, the next step to getting out of the friendzone is creating opportunities for you to spend time one-on-one. Try to avoid always meeting with loads of other people around and make each activity less friend-focused.

Suggest watching a movie together or going for a walk. Slowly expand the way in which the two of you spend time together so that they begin thinking about you in a different way.

Tell them how you feel

This is the big one! Even though it might seem scary, you’ll eventually have to be honest and let the person know you like or love them. After a while of trying to gradually change your relationship with your friend, you might feel like you’re stuck or that the situation isn’t moving in the right direction.

Being open about how you feel will help you get a definite answer about their feelings towards you. If they’re in the same place as you are then you can successfully get out of the friend zone and enjoy the change in your relationship. If they don’t reciprocate, however, you have to be prepared to move on, get some closure, and try to find love somewhere else.

Ideally, you’ll still be able to keep your friendship. If not, you’ll know that you tried and the ‘what if’ thoughts won’t torment you. Remember, we always regret what we didn’t do more than what we did do.

Conclusion: How to Get Out of the Friendzone

Confidence is key if you’re trying to become more than friends. You need to take a giant leap, whether that means asking probing questions, getting closer, or discussing more personal matters. Eventually, though, you will need to bite the bullet and tell them.

It’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but if you’re trying to escape the friendzone, that’s the answer.

Rather than seeing it as something that could make everything awkward, think about how hurt you’ll be if you’re forced to spend the next few years watching as they see other people and eventually settle down.

Take your shot—at best, you’ll have the relationship you want with the person you adore. At worst, you’ll have a friend and a story you can turn into an awkward joke and then eventually forget about.

If you need more dating advice on how to get over someone in case things don’t go as planned or ideas for first-date conversation starters if your friend is on the same page as you, sign up at Match today.

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