Laura Yates is a coach and writer specializing in helping people see the better side of breakups and heartbreak. You can find her at laurayates.org.
When it comes to dates and dating websites, we put a lot of emphasis on what the other person will think of us, whether this is our appearance, our job, our lifestyle choices and vice versa.
“The key ingredient to a successful date is creating interest and curiosity.”
For people to be interested in you, you have to be interesting. And interested! Here are a few ways that you can amp up the interest factor and better your chances of a much more fun and inspiring date:
1. Get A Life!
When we decide to get back out there dating, the tendency can be for us to go all in and even get borderline obsessed. Being all in is important to an extent – you have to be committed. But one of the major things we forget is that when we actually get on these dates that we’ve invested so much time in, we have to, you know, have stuff to talk about!
“The fact that you go and spend your time doing things you enjoy and that you like talking about will create an instantly attractive energy.”
So go and do things on your free evenings and weekends. Be active, socialise, learn, try new things out. You don’t have to worry about whether these things will be interests you have in common with your date. They also don’t have to be anything radical! Your date will also see that you’re not the sort of person who sits around night after night! They will automatically regard you and your time as more valuable.
2. Be curious
Just because it turns out that you and your date ‘don’t have anything in common’ does not mean that the date is an instant failure.
“Having different hobbies, interests and passions is actually a great thing because it gives you more opportunity to bring each other into one another’s worlds.”
So if your date is telling you about the hiking club they go to every Saturday and the thought of hiking brings you out in hives, ask questions! Be curious about why they enjoy it so much and what’s involved. (You know you’re onto a good thing if the person you’re on a date with reciprocates this too. There is nothing worse than someone who only wants to talk about themselves!)
3. Have anecdotes
Go armed with a few stories about yourself that you can work into the conversation that ideally are funny, engaging or have meaning. Some examples could be a standout travel experience, something unusual/funny that happened to you recently or something you did/saw that was out of the ordinary or created an impact on you. You can also think of stories you’ve relayed before that have received a good response – they will be handy ones to keep in mind!
We completely underestimate how important listening is. In contrast, we often feel that to be interesting, we have to be the one talking and ‘entertaining’. When you properly listen to what your date is telling you though, you’ll ask less ‘surface’ style questions and your date will notice this!
“People who have the art of listening mastered are regarded as more charismatic and instantly make people feel far more comfortable and special in their presence.”
So combine listening with a few good conversation points of your own and this will definitely work out well for you!
Being an interesting date isn’t about becoming an adrenaline junkie or spending every weekend on a crazy, radical adventure! It’s much more about living a full life that’s interesting to you, having a sense of fun and curiosity and always remembering to listen!