How Many Dates Before Exclusivity?

So, where is this relationship going? Are you asking yourself if it’s time to stop seeing other people and make a real commitment? What does it take to become exclusive? How many dates should you go on first? These are the critical questions when you’re moving from “maybe” to “serious.” We’ll help you navigate the confusing terms of modern dating and get the clarity you need.

Understanding Exclusivity in Modern Dating

Dating is becoming increasingly difficult, and it doesn’t help that there are many new terms and stages of a relationship to consider. So, what is exclusive dating and what does it entail?

The Concept of Exclusivity: What Does It Mean Today?

Exclusive dating is when you only date one person. It is not a relationship, as such, but it’s not just dating either. It is somewhere in between—another stop on the road to being in love. It hints at something more long-term and at making the relationship official, but it’s not quite a monogamous committed relationship.

It differs from normal/casual dating because that involves seeing other people and while exclusive dating doesn’t necessarily require commitment, it does require exclusivity, thus creating a level of trust and intimacy that is not present in casual dating.

People who are ready to exclusively date haven’t deleted their profiles from dating apps but maybe they’ve paused them or haven’t browsed for a while. They aren’t telling friends, family, and the world at large that they’re in a relationship, but they’re not pursuing anyone else either.

If you’re in this position, it could be that you’ve found a ‘special someone’ who stands out from the others. Maybe you enjoy spending time with them more than the others or feel like they have something you haven’t found elsewhere. Whatever it is that makes you want to escalate things, dating exclusively could be the natural next step.

Some people go straight from dating to relationships but everybody is different and that might not work for you. If that’s the case, an exclusive dating situation could be perfect.

It is a great way to explore the possibility of entering an exclusive relationship without other distractions and without actually making a commitment. If things don’t work out, ending an agreement to exclusively date should be emotionally easier to handle than ending a relationship.

Exclusive vs Official: Unpacking the Terminology

Going “official” would be the next step after dating exclusively and to some, it’s the same thing as being exclusive…but not quite. When you’re exclusive, it means you’re not dating anyone else. When you’re official, it means you’re locked into a relationship.

It’s only when the relationship is official that you might start telling people about your new boyfriend or girlfriend.

What Does it Mean to be Exclusively Dating?

Exclusivity means something different to every person—dating is rarely black and white. You and your partner can discuss the terms before beginning the journey together.

The best way to communicate what you want is by being direct. Exclusive dating should be an opportunity to explore the potential of a committed relationship without juggling other people. It means you are not sleeping with other people but are not choked by the label of ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’.

You should allow your lives to naturally grow together as you see more of each other. Exclusive dating gives you the chance to explore multiple-night stays and everything that comes with that. Do they snore? Do they sleep with the window open? What do they wear when they sleep? You’ll see whether or not you’re a good fit and if they could be a more permanent fixture in your life further down the line.

It is different from a relationship because you are simply committing to the here and now, and not to the future.

Key Factors to Consider Before Becoming Exclusive

Exclusively dating is a bit of a non-situation, so it can be difficult to know when exactly you should do it. Consider the following to know if you’re ready to start exclusively dating.

Uninterested in dating others

You’ve stopped opening your dating apps to look for a date at the weekend. When you think about going on a date you only think about sitting opposite this one person. You’re even turning down dates with other people. Basically, if you’re showing a lack of interest in dating anyone other than your potential new exclusive date, it might be a good idea to explore this option.

You’re thinking about them more

In quiet moments you find yourself planning your next date with them. Break time at work has you thinking about messaging them. Your thoughts about them have graduated from pondering an upcoming date to just generally thinking about them.

You see a potential future

We’re not saying you’ve thought about where you will raise your kids, but maybe you’ve started thinking about how this person could be a great parent. Maybe you’ve wondered about the logistics of seeing them more often. Whatever the case, as your mind starts to explore future avenues with someone, it is probably time to start exploring them more vocally.

They start appearing on your social media

Whether you’re openly talking about someone you’re dating on X/Twitter or they start showing up in your IG story, if you are more comfortable with their presence on your social media, it could be time to start dating exclusively.

You share news with them

When you get good news or want to moan about something in your day, you turn to them. If you’re ready to share more about your life, it could mean you’re ready to share all of your life. This is something that we do with the people we love, trust, and respect, so it’s a big step forward.

You’re comfortable with them

You don’t get bored when you are in their presence, even if it’s a long date and you’ve had an even longer day. Your conversations flow freely and don’t hinge on the asking and answering of endless questions. You may also be comfortable with the idea of them meeting your parents—if not, it’s a sign that the relationship is too young, the person isn’t a good fit…or you have embarrassing parents.

Sex is more intimate

Obviously, this only applies to couples that are dating and having sex.

If you have not had sex yet, another sign that you might be ready to go exclusive is the feeling that you’re ready to get intimate with them.

The Journey to Exclusivity: How Many Dates Does It Take?

It could take many dates. It could take a few. It could be a week. A month. Many months. It really depends on you and them. Usually, couples will have at least a few dates before a relationship enters the discussion, but it varies for every couple and there are no strict rules.

We can’t tell you how long it will take. Just trust your gut.

Benefits of Exclusive Dating

Exclusive dating is not for everyone and some people are ready to move straight into the relationship stage. Some people just know when the time is right, whereas others need more time and want to know more about their partners first. Let’s look at what you might stand to gain from dating someone exclusively.

Immediately determine where they’re at

Simply bringing up the topic of exclusive dating will teach you a lot. Asking the question will help you to determine whether they are after one thing or are genuinely interested in exploring the possibility of a relationship with you.

You might discover something deeper

As you date more exclusively, there’s a chance you will discover a deeper and more meaningful connection with the person. This is not guaranteed because there would be no need for an exclusive dating stage if you knew there was something deeper there.

You will learn to communicate better

Some people are more straightforward than others and some people are more open about their feelings than others. Basically, we all communicate differently, and dating exclusively gives you the time and space needed to learn more about one another.

Dispense with distractions

You can put your dating app on pause and not worry about any of the attention you are getting from other people. Now you can solely focus on whether to progress with this one person. This gives you more time to make sure you’re making the right decision.

Stop worrying about dating games

Everybody says they don’t want to play games and yet everybody is guilty of playing them at some point in their life. Getting into an exclusive dating situation involves having an open and honest conversation with the other person. In turn, the pair of you will learn where each other is at, which will help you avoid the games. They can be useful for working out how someone prioritises us but once you are exclusively dating you should know where you stand.

It is better for you

Studies show that monogamous relationships are better for our health. Those who are not in monogamous relationships have more instances of blood pressure dipping than those who are. Measuring BP dipping is an accepted way of testing cardiovascular health. This study also finds that the quality of the relationship is important. Your exclusive dating situation might not be monogamous but those that are could be better for your health.

Appealing to commitment-phobic people

Some people have commitment issues. They might have perfectly understandable reasons for being afraid of commitment, we can never presume to know anything about anyone. Maybe you’re ready for a relationship, but they are not. The jump from being single to being in a committed relationship is rightfully perceived as a big step. Another benefit of exclusive dating is that it allows them to ease into commitment.

Common Misconceptions About Dating and Exclusivity

To make sure we’ve covered everything, here are some common misconceptions about exclusivity in relationships.

It’s the same as a committed relationship

Exclusive dating and commitment in relationships are not the same thing. One says “I’m not going to date anyone else” while the other says “You’re my boyfriend/girlfriend and I want something long-term”.

You have to be exclusive by a particular point in the relationship

As noted already, there are no rules set in stone when it comes to exclusivity. If you ask around, you’ll probably hear some variation of the third date rule typically used in reference to sex, but it’s nonsense. There is no specific number of dates before exclusive dating. It is entirely dependent on your personal experiences. If you want to date exclusively and feel like the time is right, go for it. Not quite sure? Ask your loved ones for advice.

The Role of Communication in Reaching Exclusivity

Just because you know the rules doesn’t mean that your partner does as well. By the same token, just because you’re ready to be exclusive doesn’t mean they are. Oftentimes, these things happen without clear statements and agreements, which is fine too. Your partner might not openly say they are exclusive, but if they are spending all of their time with you, are no longer active on dating apps, and are talking about introducing you to their loved ones, you can assume they are ready for the next step.

If you want to be clear about your partner’s intentions before committing to anything, ask them; if you want to make your feelings clear, do so; if you refuse to go on another date before clarifying the next steps, tell them. Communication is essential for building a strong relationship and you should always be able to express yourself.

Conclusion: Making the Decision That’s Right for You

Exclusive dating gives room, apart from the pitfalls of regular or casual dating, to explore your relationship with someone more deeply. If you are a viable couple, your relationship will start to grow and you’ll become closer.

You might be wondering how long you will be in this in-between phase but there is no definitive answer. It is a bit like asking how many dates before it’s a relationship.

You might find that you’re a perfect fit for each other. Soon, you’re both ready to start a committed relationship and might even be ready to move in together. For others, it might be a longer transition but that doesn’t mean you’re any stronger or weaker as a couple. Everybody has their own timeline.

You need to discover how compatible you are, how you could possibly live with one another, how well you actually know each other, and how aligned you are with your values. Some people are more open about themselves than others. It might take longer than normal for a couple to get to know each other, but that’s completely fine.

It requires a high level of communication and you will have to be completely honest with yourself and your partner. It is important to communicate openly about expectations, boundaries, and feelings to ensure that both of you are on the same page.

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