By Bob Strauss
Okay, so you’d like to make yourself more physically attractive to the opposite sex, but you’re not willing to put in the arduous, long-term effort required to do so. Don’t despair: Short of paying for plastic surgery, working out twice a day at the gym for the next five years, or getting yourself on Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, here are some quick, inexpensive and (best of all) easy things you can do to improve your dating odds:
Get a haircut
That mullet may have been popular in high school, but the women you come on to may think you’ve escaped from the zoo. Ask your barber for something a little more fashionable. (Come to think of it, was that mullet even popular in high school?)
Lose the jewellery
Despite what you may have seen on The Sopranos, real men don’t wear necklaces, pinky rings or monogrammed belt buckles. Limit yourself to a nice but not overly garish wristwatch.
Remember your posture
There’s a reason your mum kept nagging you about this — not only is slouching unattractive, but it takes a couple inches off your height. (Be careful not to overcompensate, lest your date think you have a stick up your you-know-what.)
Go easy on the cologne
Yes, women like men who smell nice. But scent isn’t an additive quality — if you smell good when you dab on a little musk, you won’t smell great when you splash on a lot. If you don’t know the difference, go without.
No, I’m not really concerned about your dental hygiene. But if you make a point of flossing before you go out on a date, you’re bound to catch any spinach or tortilla chips wedged visibly between your two front teeth.
Try to match
Does vermilion go with aquamarine? Only women know for sure. But you should at least have enough savvy about basic colours not to wear orange shirts with red trousers and blue shoes. (If you’re truly hopeless at this, play it safe and dress all in black.)
An amazing number of blokes think late-evening stubble makes them look irresistible. The sad truth, though, is that only a handful of movie stars can pull this off — the rest of us look like we just shuffled in from the coal mine.
Check your breath
What with recent advances in breath-modification technology-lozenges, sprays, pills, etc. — you’d have to be living in a cave not to smell minty fresh 24/7. Of course, it’d help if you didn’t go out with the lads beforehand for curry, a couple of beers and 4 cigarettes…
Wear nice shoes
Don’t ask why, but women are always judging men by their shoes. There’s no need to run out and buy £300 Italian loafers, but at least change out of your beaten up old trainers before meeting her for dinner. And while we’re on the subject of feet…
Clip your toenails
Because if you follow all this advice, you may get your shoes (and socks), well under the table with her and you wouldn’t want a gnarled, razor-sharp toe nail cutting your evening short now, would you?