I Can’t Stop Thinking About Him: Understanding Your Feelings

Got a man on your mind? Can’t shake those thoughts? We’ve all been there. But what does it all mean, and what should you do about it? In the following guide, we’ll address some of those intrusive questions plaguing your mind, including:

• Why can’t I stop thinking about him?
• What do these feelings mean?
• How can I stop thinking about him?
• How can I turn these thoughts into a healthy relationship?

Recognising the Signs You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

Sparing a few thoughts for a man you just met isn’t the same as obsessively thinking about them every minute of the day. Watch out for the following:

Constant thoughts about him

Do you have constant thoughts about the person? Does it seem like they are always on your mind? If you find that your mind is constantly drifting toward them—thinking about previous interactions, what they are doing now, and what life would be like if you were together—then it could indicate that something deeper is developing.

You become distracted easily

You think about a guy so much that every thought becomes a distraction. You struggle to stay focused on your job and even your social life. The thoughts might not be intense or meaningful, but they are enough to pull your attention away.

You dream about him regularly

Dreams reflect our thoughts and activities throughout the day. They also represent conscious and subconscious desires and anxieties. According to Sigmund Freud, dreams allow us to fulfil the fantasies that elude us in our waking lives.

You get excited at the thought of him

What does it feel like when you think about him? Let’s be honest, you’re probably not thinking about his great fashion sense and wondering if he’ll give you tips. Your thoughts are probably a little more intimate than that, and you don’t need us to tell you what that means.

The Psychology Behind Incessant Thinking About Someone

The psychology behind obsessive thinking isn’t always as straightforward as you might think.

Infatuation and love

This is perhaps the most clear-cut reason for obsessively thinking about someone. You’re infatuated by them—you may even think that you’re in love with them.

From teenage crushes to unrequited love in our old age, those deep feelings of love, lust, and desire can strike at any point in our lives.

Obsession and addiction

Sometimes, obsessive thoughts about certain individuals are connected to mental health issues. You might be more inclined to develop those thoughts if you have an addictive personality or previously unstable relationships.

Are you the sort of person who can easily let go, or do you cling on? Are you constantly and actively searching for “the one” or do you accept that fate will send them your way eventually? It might not seem like a big issue—it’s just a crush, a minor infatuation—but if it’s distracting you, affecting your life, and even setting you up for failure or disappointment, it can be an issue.

Loneliness and unresolved emotions

Lonely people and those who have previously struggled in relationships are more likely to develop obsessive thoughts. They may start thinking that they need that person or even that they will make all of their issues go away. What’s more, if they lack self-esteem and confidence, they’re less likely to make a move and so those feelings may never resolve.

How to Cope When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

Everyone’s experience is different, but if you feel like those thoughts are distracting you from the things that matter, these coping strategies can help.

Strategies for distracting yourself

If there’s a man you can’t stop thinking about, stop spending time with them and doing things that remind you of them. Distract yourself with hobbies, friends, and other people.

Oftentimes, if you’re idolising someone and thinking you’ve found the perfect match, the best solution is to surround yourself with other handsome men and gain some perspective.

So, learn some new flirting tips, get out there, and see what’s waiting in the dating pool.

Mindfulness and meditation techniques

Sit, breathe, and think. It makes a massive difference and could give you some essential insights into your thoughts, emotions, and existing relationships.

The role of music and art

From the canvases of Van Gogh to the melodies of Guns n Roses, art and music are often steeped in stories of unrequited love and loss. It’s good for the mind and soul, letting you know that many people have been where you are now, and giving you some perspective.

Focus on personal development

We tend to obsess more when things aren’t going well. So, spend more time on yourself and you will think less about them.

The Science of Attraction: Why We Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone

What is the science behind all of those intrusive and distracting thoughts? What do the medically reviewed studies have to say?

The role of hormones

Although it may feel like your heart is driving your obsession, it’s more of a chemical reaction, one driven by hormones like estrogen and testosterone. It all plays into the primal need to reproduce, with these hormones creating lust that becomes an obsession.

The power of memory and association

You may be wearing rose-tinted glasses and remembering all the good and none of the bad. For instance, you could be focusing too much on their smile or humour and thinking about how those things would make them the perfect match. In reality, they might have traits you don’t like and things that would be very complicated for both of you (such as if they are a colleague, long-time friend, or already have a partner), but you’re ignoring them in favour of the positives.

The ‘scarcity effect’ in relationships

The scarcity effect is the belief that we have a very finite number of opportunities and so we need to latch onto every new one that comes our way. In other words, your obsession is driven by the fact that you may never encounter another person like them. In reality, however, there are millions more like them and the prevalence of online dating in this inter-connected world means it’s easier than ever to find them.

Building Healthy Relationships and Avoiding Obsessions

If you’re here because you googled “how to stop thinking about your ex” then you probably want those thoughts to disappear and never return. If you’ve met someone new or have an unrequited love, however, then you’ll want to spend time with them, get to know them, and develop a relationship. Here’s how:

Make room for other important relationships

When you can’t stop thinking about someone and those thoughts are not welcome, you should start spending time on other relationships. There are probably other men in your life, other people that matter. And if not, there are plenty of opportunities for serious dating.

Know when and how to express your feelings

Thinking a lot about someone doesn’t mean you need to immediately express those feelings, but it does mean you should seek a resolution. So, if the situation is awkward (they are seeing someone else, they are a friend/colleague) then take your time. Think about the time you spend together and try to deduce if they feel the same way or if your feelings are one-sided. If it’s mutual, you can take the plunge, if not, it’s best to hold back.

Set boundaries in relationships

When you can’t stop thinking about someone and suddenly enter a relationship with them, things might move too quickly. Your brain is jumping for joy—it has the thing it desperately wanted, the best possible outcome.

The other person might not have been on the same journey, and if you move too quickly and don’t set boundaries, it could spell an early end and lead to a traumatic experience for both.

Deal with rejection in a healthy way

Rejection is difficult to deal with, and it’ll hit even harder if those feelings existed for months or even years.

Try to keep your emotions in check. Don’t hassle them or beg them. Keep your distance, play it cool, and try to heal in your own time. That could mean spending some time alone with your thoughts. It could mean booking a holiday with friends or even arranging a few therapy sessions. We all heal in our own way, but what’s important is that you don’t turn those negative feelings into desperation/anger and direct them at the subject of your affection.

Expert Advice: Interviews with Psychologists and Relationship Specialists

Why do we develop obsessive thoughts? What are the reasons we stop all of a sudden? Here’s what the experts have to say.

Insights from psychology—why we obsess over people

“Why can’t I stop thinking about someone?” according to experts, the root of the obsession lies in the primal need to reproduce and in hormones like testosterone and estrogen. But it’s also supported by neurotransmitters like dopamine and the reward centre of the brain. In other words, it’s a similar process to the one involved with desiring a certain career path or even (partly) in some addictive behaviours.

Relationship experts on obsession vs. love

Most experts will tell you that obsession is unhealthy while love is healthy. It’s true, and the former is never a good basis for a new relationship. It’s okay for that person to constantly be at the forefront of your mind, but not if those thoughts develop into stalking and jealousy. Trust and empathy are often the differentiating traits between these two behaviours.

Conclusion: The Way Forward When You Can’t Stop Thinking About Him

Whether you’re trawling through his social media accounts or just overanalysing every encounter, obsessive thoughts can make you feel frustrated, low, lost, and lonely. So, stop making yourself miserable and start moving forward.

If possible, make your feelings known and see if they are interested in a relationship. If not, look elsewhere—there are more fish in the sea. Remember, they aren’t the only person for you, and there is a world of equally handsome and brilliant men waiting for you on the best free UK dating sites.

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