Understanding Rebound Relationships: A Comprehensive Guide

There’s a reason why people don’t want to be someone’s rebound: usually, rebound relationships equal doom for a budding romance. It’s far from an ideal situation to find yourself in, so read on if you’re trying to figure out how to recognise rebound relationships.

What is a Rebound Relationship?

When someone starts a new relationship following a breakup they’re still not fully over, that relationship is considered a rebound. Rebound relationships are usually short-lived and nearly always result in sadness and regret. This is often because one person was not emotionally ready for a relationship or was only looking for a way to distract themselves and heal after a breakup, without thinking about who they might hurt.

Rebound relationships disrupt the normal emotional healing process after a romantic disappointment or a broken heart and can end up hurting both the person rebounding and the new person in the relationship. The first one walks into a relationship vulnerable, filled with pain and unresolved emotions; unready and unable to give the new person in the relationship what they want. The second one ends up feeling used and exploited, whilst constantly trying to ‘win’ their partner and make them move on from their breakup, causing self-doubt and feelings of inadequacy.

Psychology Behind Rebound Relationships

When an old relationship ends, there is a sense of loss. Something has changed, and there is a gap in their lives. So, they just rebound into a new relationship and make a new connection. They get the support that they need. If you were with someone for a long time and got used to always having someone there, you may want to rebound as soon as the relationship ends. It’s normal. Just make sure that what you want doesn’t come at the expense of your new partner’s feelings and that you aren’t using a new relationship to hide from your feelings.

Recognizing the Signs of a Rebound Relationship

If you read the following signs and they sound familiar, you need to make sure that you communicate what you’re looking for in a relationship and also ask your partner what they’re looking for.

If you’re looking for something casual, then being in a rebound relationship might be fun for you, but there’s always the risk of one of the two developing stronger feelings. If you’re looking for something more serious, then your best option is to distance yourself and let that person heal from their breakup before starting something with them. Alternatively, moving on completely and finding someone on the same page as you might cause you less heartache in the long term.

1. The relationship begins very soon after their breakup

People have different ways of dealing with a breakup. Rebounders feel that their way to heal is by distracting themselves with the company of someone new. The reality, though, is that you can’t move on before properly dealing with the issues of the past. Being in a relationship purely to take your mind off your previous relationship will only result in pain and hurt for everyone involved.

2. They want to keep it casual

No one goes into a relationship knowing immediately that they want to get serious, but most rebound relationships begin with the actual intention of not being permanent. If your partner likes to keep things casual and non-committal then there’s a distinct possibility they just got out of a bad breakup and they need time to heal. Either respect their choice and give them space or move on. Pushing a monogamous relationship on them and insisting on trying to win them over will only make them distance themselves more.

If you give them plenty of time to heal and ensure that they have the space they need, they may eventually recover and realise just how amazing you are.

3. They’re dating to make their ex jealous

Rebounders often try to make their ex jealous by immediately jumping into a new relationship. Some people feel like they’re getting back at their ex by showing off their new partner and boasting about how quickly they managed to get into a new relationship.

If your partner constantly claims that they’re over their ex but it seems like they’re trying to cover hurt feelings, it’s a big red flag. There are a few ways that they might do this. For instance, they may insist on posting images of you both on social media, letting their ex see you together.

They may also be quick to change their social media relationship status and insist that you do the same. Usually, this is not a big issue, but if they have just ended a long-term relationship they will typically be very reserved about announcing their new relationship to the world. It makes sense, as they probably don’t want all those questions from distant family members and awkward conversations with friends. So, if they are screaming it from the rooftops, they could have an ulterior motive.

You should also look out for those moments when you accidentally bump into their ex. The world is a big place and people generally want to avoid the awkwardness of bumping into exes. So, if you find that you keep meeting them and quickly being introduced as the new boyfriend or girlfriend, be wary.

4. They talk about their ex all the time, or they deliberately avoid talking about their ex

Many people stay friends with their exes or at least keep in touch here and there, but if your partner can’t stop talking about their ex without them being friends, there’s a high chance they might still be hung up on unresolved feelings. Similarly, completely avoiding any mention of their ex could mean that they still have feelings or resentment for their ex; another indication you could be in a rebound relationship. And if they start comparing you to their ex, run a mile!

5. They’re giving you mixed signals

People in rebound relationships are essentially trying to distract themselves from anything that reminds them of their breakup. That can lead to them giving you mixed signals about how they feel about you. One day they might be affectionate and seem head-over-heels for you, while the next they might not even talk to you. If this seems familiar and you don’t really know where you stand in the relationship, perhaps it’s time to have an honest talk with your partner.

6. Your relationship is mostly sex

Don’t get us wrong, having tons of amazing sex with your partner is great if it’s for the right reasons. People in rebound relationships, in particular, feel like sex is the easiest, quickest way to connect with someone without exploring deeper emotions. If you never talk about anything meaningful and you feel you don’t actually know each other but are constantly having sex, then it’s a big red flag. Try getting your partner to open up and be more honest about how they’re feeling; if they struggle, it could be a warning sign.

The Impact of Rebound Relationships on Individuals

It’s okay to start dating someone new as soon as an old relationship ends. It’s even okay if you are using that new relationship to get over the old one. It can be a good way to heal. But there are some important caveats.

Firstly, don’t use the rebound relationship to hide from your feelings about the old one. Ending a long-term relationship provides an opportunity for growth. It’s a difficult time, sure, but you could learn a lot about yourself in that time and regain some independence.

Secondly, make sure you actually want to be in this new relationship and have a strong interest in your new partner. Are you with them because they are a great person and you’re a good match, or are you with them because they were the first single man or single woman that you met?

The last thing you want is to spend the next few months with someone you’re not really into.

The Lifespan of a Rebound Relationship

On average, a rebound relationship lasts anywhere from a month to a year. The stages of a rebound relationship are a lot like the traditional relationship stages. But they are usually shorter and more problematic, as the person rebounding from one relationship to the next clearly has some issues that they are not addressing and those issues may spring up during the relationship. They could also do all of their healing while in the relationship, at which point they realise it’s not what they want and move on.

Conclusion: The Future of Rebound Relationships

A rebound is still a real relationship and it can still develop into something special—love, marriage, family. But it can also be problematic, especially if you’re using that other person purely for self-healing and you’re leading them on. There are better ways to heal—getting therapy from a licensed therapist, taking a break to work on self-healing—and it’s important that you always consider the feelings of the person you’re dating. No one wants to be a relationship rebound; no one wants to think they are second best.

FAQs About Rebound Relationships

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