How Many Dates Before It’s A Relationship?

From the first click, the chemistry was undeniable. That amazing first date has now turned into three, four, or maybe five. You’re in that confusing space between casual dating and a committed relationship.

Are the feelings real but the label is missing? While every couple sets their own pace, the “what are we?” question eventually needs an answer. There’s no set rule, but a common milestone is the five-date mark, where things often start to feel more official.

If you’ve passed that point and are still looking for clarity, here’s how to figure out where you stand.

What are the typical stages of dating?

First, ask yourself exactly what part of the dating lifecycle you’re in. Lost already? Don’t worry, as it’s pretty simple. Dating can typically be broken down into these five stages:

Stage One: Meeting

The meeting can occur online when you receive those first heart-fluttering messages or in person when you feel like you’ve been hit by a thunderbolt. Every relationship begins with that initial meeting, whether the sparks fly immediately or it takes a little longer to get the fire burning.

Stage two: getting to know each other

Like stage one, a lot of this can take place over the internet before you meet face-to-face. But typically, it will involve your first few in-person meetings and your first date.

If the stars align and it’s love—or lust—at first sight, then a single date might be enough. In the real world, it generally takes more than a few hours over dinner, coffee, or drinks to feel like you genuinely know someone.

Stage three: becoming close

This is when you are starting to catch some feelings and become emotionally invested. Even if you’re already a little head over heels, it’s unlikely you’ll be close and intimate after only one date.

In the heady world of dating, things can change rapidly from one encounter to the next, so expect the unexpected.

Stage four: committing

When both partners feel like they can trust each other and are ready to take their relationship to the next level, there’s already an element of commitment. This is a crucial stage, and both partners may not arrive here at exactly the same time.

Stage five: building a relationship

At this stage, you work together to make sure your relationship grows and flourishes over time. You don’t need to call it dating anymore. You’re an item, a duo, a power couple, partners in crime. You get the picture, right?

How should I act in the first stages of dating?

There’s more to this than meets the eye. You are on the lookout for tell-tale signs and you’re on your best behaviour. The best rule of thumb is to take things cautiously. Get to know each other by talking and sharing stories.

If you’re finding it hard to glean any information from them, maybe it’s a warning sign. If they overshare, this could be a red flag too. The same goes for you. What you choose to share or withhold needs to be appropriate, at least until you know each other better and can relax more in each other’s company.

Express an interest in them—if you have one—by asking follow-up questions or making thoughtful comments about their interests. Watch for the same in them. Give compliments but don’t overdo it.

Spend time doing fun activities together like going for a long walk, playing mini golf, or spending the weekend away. Don’t just meet up for dinner and drinks every time. As your relationship develops, think about how your date is making you feel if they are sharing the same feelings.

As you get to know each other better, be open and honest. If a relationship is going to happen, it should be built on honesty and trust. You shouldn’t need to cover up for any ‘truths’ you may have embellished in an attempt to hold their interest.

How to learn more about your partner

Don’t expect to know everything about them after the first couple of dates. Take things slowly and get to know them through conversation, open-ended questions, humour, and shared stories.

Keep it light and relaxed so that you both feel comfortable revealing your true selves. Remember, we aren’t talking about bank account details and medical issues here! If you have strong feelings about some issue—whether it’s political, religious, ethical, or otherwise—it’s better to be honest about these things early on.

What is the 3-date rule?

Some call it the 5-date rule. Some say there is both a 3- and 5-date rule. Others say to throw the rulebook out the window. However, for argument’s sake, let’s say there is a 3-date rule. What does it mean?

The idea is that you should give it at least 3 dates before you jump into something serious or jump ship. This gives both of you time to get to know one another, share stories and experiences, and build trust.

The first date allows you to break the ice and get over some of your nerves. Date 2 is a chance to reveal a little more about yourself and see if the other is willing to share as well. You’re both more relaxed and behaving more like your usual selves.

Date 3 is the make or break. If date 2 was anything less than perfect then this is the time for them (or you) to redeem yourselves and decide if you want to take it further.

How many dates before it’s officially a relationship?

This is where we get to the romantic nitty-gritty. If you’ve passed the 3-date mark successfully, it’s a milestone, especially if there was a tacit agreement as to the significance of the third date.

If you have both come this far and you still want to see each other, it’s time to start doing a little soul-searching to decide what the future holds.

The 9 questions that tell you if you’re in a relationship or not

1. Do you still want to see other people?

This is a big one and if you can answer it honestly after your third date, then you’re pretty much there. All you need to do is find out if the feeling is mutual. If you find that you’re still thinking about an ex or someone else, you’re not ready.

It doesn’t by any stretch mean that the relationship is doomed. But you need to take care of those other feelings before you commit. It’s only fair both to them and to anyone else you might be dating. Not to mention the incredible emotional, ethical, and logistical mess if you attempt to juggle multiple love interests.

2. Are you content to hang out with them?

You must enjoy spending time with them or you wouldn’t have made it to the third date, let alone the fifth. But if you aren’t eating a fancy meal in beautiful surroundings, or going on a date, are you happy to just be with them?

If you still need a structured itinerary of activities to be together, is it possible that something is missing? Do you feel awkward or a little cringy if you’re alone together in one of your homes with nothing planned?

When you’re comfortable taking a walk or chilling in front of the TV together, it’s a great sign that you’re both ready to take it to the next level.

3. Do you 100% trust them?

It’s a little crazy that you have to ponder this question, but in today’s world, you have to be honest. Are you completely secure with this person—emotionally, physically, psychologically, and financially?

If you can honestly answer yes to all of these then it’s a good sign you are compatible and that this person is true relationship material. Trust isn’t enough to form a romantic relationship, but if it isn’t there, you can forget about all the sparks, good times, and chemistry. Lack of trust is a huge red flag.

4. Is there more than chemistry involved?

The sparks need to fly, but if all you have are sparks, you’ll never have a fire. OK, that metaphor probably can’t go any further, but the reality is that chemistry lasts about as long as the average high school crush.

When you find yourself interested in them beyond that initial rush of hormones and you still want to hang out with them, it’s a good thing. Can you see yourself traveling the world with them, or whatever it is that turns you both on (other than each other)?

If so, then it’s another great sign that you’re graduating with honours from the dating stage and moving into the relationship phase.

5. Are you happy when you are together?

This question is more subtle than it appears. You may be comfortable in each other’s company, but do you feel good about yourself afterward? Is this person having a positive influence on you or do they leave you feeling down about yourself and the world?

When you feel happy and positive after each encounter, and you sense the same vibe from them, it’s a good sign that your relationship is ready for the next step.

6. Do you feel safe being vulnerable with them?

When you first get to know someone, it is natural and prudent to keep your guard up. You want to share, but not so much that someone you hardly know learns all of your weaknesses.

After a few dates, revealing more about your flaws and mistakes will happen without premeditation. If you get a positive and supportive reaction it’s a great indication that they are mature and you can share more with them.

If it went the other way and you were exposed to ridicule or a dismissive attitude, you need to think twice, and then turn and run. That person isn’t for you.

7. Do you already have inside jokes?

After three to five dates, you’ll be recalling shared experiences and making inside jokes. When that happens, you’ll feel the warm glow of intimacy that begs you to take things further.

As always, this alone isn’t enough to build a relationship. There’s the trust and the chemistry too. But if you add a shared sense of humour to the mix, it’s a huge green flag and an indication that you should take things up a notch. It suggests that you have something worthwhile.

8. Have you met (and hit it off with) their friends?

This goes for family too. If you’ve been invited to hang out with their friends, it shows a huge amount of trust in you as a person. They are confident you won’t embarrass them and that is a great endorsement of your relationship so far.

If you have done the same, it speaks volumes for your feelings and their personality that you are willing to take them out ‘in public’. Family is another level of trust and could be considered a step further along this path.

You may or may not have hit it off with their inner circle, but as long as they are not your sworn enemies in some way, you are ready for more relationship development. If you can’t get along with their closest friends or vice-versa, it may not be a deal breaker, but it’s something that must be considered very carefully.

9. Has your relationship made it to the bedroom?

This is another crucial question and it varies by individual, culture, and belief. When you’ve made it that far and you’re still dating, some would say that the deal is sealed and you are now clearly and officially in a relationship.

But not everyone agrees. Assuming you have reached that stage and all those slow-building seductive sparks ignited into a huge flame, how did you feel the day after? Did you get everything you needed and are you now ready to move on? Or did it only excite your curiosity and your need to know more?

If you passed that particular milestone and you both still want more, it’s a good sign that you need to take things to the next level and make your relationship official.

Final thoughts

There is no hard and fast rule about how many dates you should have before things get serious. We live in an increasingly diverse and fascinating world where individual preference is empowered and liberated like never before.

Despite this, we are all humans and if you ask yourself those 9 questions at any stage in your dating journey, you’ll have a great idea of where you are emotionally in your relationship.

If you’re ready to take the next step, you can register with us on our website or download the app to your phone. Complete your profile and before you know it you’ll be at stage 1 of the dating game.

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