The Ultimate Guide: What Makes a Man Fall in Love?

Men aren’t generally known for expressing their feelings, and this can complicate things if you’re trying to work out whether they love you or not.

So, rather than focusing on the signs that he loves you, let’s try this from a different angle and see what makes a man fall in love.

Understanding the Psychology of Male Love

Although men are usually regarded as colder and more apathetic when it comes to love, research suggests they may actually fall in love quicker than women. Similar research suggests that men feel a sense of euphoria when saying and hearing the words ‘I love you’. The downside, however, is that men are more likely to harbour obsessive thoughts, with one study finding that their hormonal patterns are similar to those of people with obsessive-compulsive disorder.

If you’re a man dating men, you probably know this already as you may have experienced the same patterns of thought and behaviour in yourself. If you’re a woman, however, the patterns are usually very different. Women still react strongly when in love and there are clear hormonal changes, but they are usually not as obsessive.

As a woman dating a man who has fallen head over heels, there are a few things you should know:

• Testosterone plays a part in a man’s feelings regarding love. It may also make them more aggressive and impulsive, but that doesn’t excuse aggressive, threatening, or concerning behaviour. They are still in control.
• As feelings of love develop, men usually display their softer side, so they may be more willing to open up.
• Prepare for the honeymoon period—those feelings will ignite passion in them, so the sex is usually great early in a relationship.
• A guy may look past your flaws if he loves you, so don’t hide away. Let the real you out.

Key Factors That Trigger Deep Love in Men

Guys are not as shallow as countless sitcoms would suggest. Sure, they may focus a lot on looks at first, but women do the same thing. When it comes to falling in love, guys will typically be won over by the following:

• Authenticity and vulnerability: Being authentic is important if you want to win the affections of a man. No one appreciates fakery and dishonesty. It also helps to show your vulnerable side.
• Emotional connection and support: You can’t make a guy love you if there is no emotional connection. There needs to be a spark and they need to know that you will be there for them in difficult times.
• Shared life goals and values: Men like women who share their life goals and values, such as their desire to have kids or live in a certain location.
• Respect and admiration: Love and a long-term relationship will only happen in the presence of respect and admiration, and that applies to both sides.

The Ingredients of a Lasting Emotional Bond

Men lust because of physical attraction and an initial shared interest; they love because the other person makes them happy and supports their sense of self. So, to make him fall for you and ensure his feelings are more than lust, work on strengthening that emotional bond:

• Communication skills that build intimacy: People need to laugh and joke. They need to moan. They also need to get serious. A true relationship forms when both parties can effortlessly and comfortably do all three.
• Balance independence with interdependence: Be a couple and do things together, but don’t take his independence away, and don’t sacrifice yours. He will have friends you don’t like and hobbies you’re not interested in. Trying to force him to make changes will just breed contempt.
• Nurture trust and security in the relationship: Trust him when he’s not with you (even if he’s with another woman) and don’t get jealous or suspicious if you don’t know what he’s doing. Distrust will create tension and arguments.
• Cultivating shared experiences and adventures: Go on holiday together. Try new activities. Have fun! It’s those good times that will create life-long memories.
• Establish mutual respect and understanding: Show a man love and respect and he will reciprocate.
• Support his ambitions: A man is more likely to love a woman if she shows a genuine interest in his career aspirations and supports his ambitions. You don’t need to pander to his ego—just support him.

The Impact of External Factors on Love and Relationships

Feel like you’re not getting anywhere and that his feelings just aren’t progressing the way you’d hoped? When it comes to love, men can be rather closed off. Of course, some are very open, but others tend to keep their feelings to themselves, either because they’re worried about getting rejected, fear commitment, or just aren’t very good at expressing themselves.

He may also have had bad experiences and these could impact his reactions and emotions, making him harder to read.

He might be falling for you without you knowing it. If you’re already in a relationship, take the initiative by saying those three words first. If not, and you’re trying to connect with a friend, give them the opportunity to express themselves or just take the plunge and be the first one to state their feelings.

The Myths and Misconceptions About Making a Man Fall in Love

Men often get a bad rap when it comes to love and relationships, and this has led to some common misconceptions:

You have to make him feel love

This is the rather archaic idea that men only care about looks and sex and everything that follows is a result of them being coaxed into a relationship. Sure, lust plays a massive role in the early stages of a relationship, but that doesn’t mean they are not also in love.

An obsessed man is a man in love

As noted already, men tend to obsess more than women when they fall in love. But that doesn’t mean they are in love every time they become obsessed. These are two very different emotions and it’s important not to get them mixed up.

A man who can’t stop thinking about you, spends a lot of time with you, and is always loving and caring might be obsessed and in love. A man who won’t stop messaging you, asking where you’re going, and getting angry and jealous is just obsessed.

The former is usually a good sign; the latter is definitely not.

If he’s jealous it just means he loves me

Jealously is a normal human emotion. If you are emotionally invested in a person and they suddenly start spending a lot of time with someone who is beautiful, single, and seemingly interested, you will be jealous. But true love is built on a foundation of trust.

If they don’t fully trust you and try to control who you see and what you do, they don’t love you, they think they own you. Never accept that kind of control in a relationship.

Men want women who are the opposite of them

This is the age-old myth that ‘opposites attract’. It’s partially true, as quieter and introverted men are usually drawn to stronger and more forward women, letting them do most of the work in social situations. You will also find stark differences in film/music tastes among couples. But these are minor things when compared to political views, backgrounds, and even education.

Generally, couples who are more alike are more naturally drawn to one another and will stay together longer. It makes sense, as it means they’ll be enjoying more activities together and will have fewer chaotic arguments.

Men want women like their mothers

It’s very Freudian to assume that all men want to date their mothers and all women want to date their fathers. There is some truth to it, as they might be drawn to similar personality types, but it doesn’t apply to all men. Also, it doesn’t mean that they simply want someone who can cook their meals and clean their clothes, just as women don’t only want men who can tell terrible jokes, fix cars, and complain about the thermostat.

Closing Thoughts: Finding and Nourishing True Love

Although there are some psychological and biological similarities in the way that all men experience love, they are ultimately shaped by their experiences, so you shouldn’t expect them to behave in a specific way. However, most men appreciate the same things in a partner—trust, compassion, sincerity, authenticity, support—so if you want to encourage those feelings and foster a happy relationship, keep these things in mind. And, of course, you should never sacrifice your own needs and feelings.

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